My parents ruined my life. How do I move on from here?

[DrPepper709]

I made some really bad choices. My parents aren't bad people, but they hijacked my college experience by forcing me to go to the university of their choice. I wanted to go to a university in the city, but they wanted me to go to the suburbs where I'm close to home and it's "safe". My mental health took a huge nose-dive downward until I became suicidal. I think that it's because I have autism (undiagnosed) and ADHD (undiagnosed), and while I'm fairly intelligent, I am still struggling with basic needs. Socializing on a college campus with autism is a nightmare, and I needed to live in a single dorm or an apartment. I also think cities are great for autism, adhd, and introverts because you're around people without talking to them all the time.

Ironically, the college I wanted to go to offered such options. I know it sounds crazy, but I think if I went there, realized I needed a single, and got that option, I'd still have a will to live. I'd probably be depressed, but being around people absolutely drains my life. Now, after a failed attempt to CTB, I am in online school where I live with my parents and feel completely miserable. I wish I could've finished my college experience in a city, only slightly hating my life but being prepared for the next chapter with a degree. I have changed my major many times because of the socializing getting to me, and I felt miserable at that sleepy suburban campus.

This is just a small vent but I feel so stuck. I seriously hope people have some advice because I don't know what to do anymore. I want to ctb but I am trying to hold on, how do I continue forward when all I want to do is leave. I am so sick of trying, my parents have destroyed my every attempt to make my life better, (another long story I won't get into) but I realized I am now burned out after working full time going to school, making money, traveling across the country for internships, etc. I can barely focus in my classes, and no one wants to diagnose me with ADHD because I'm a high-risk individual I guess, so I am giving up. I am currently starting my own business, but this will take time and I am quickly loosing patience. I just wish I had a sustainable income, but the idea of working a regular job makes me want to CTB. The idea of college makes me want to CTB. And the idea of living with my parents as a NEET makes me want to CTB. I just feel lost. What would you do if you were me?

 

[saunabliss]

I have undiagnosed ADHD, too. It would be an understatement to say that it brought challenges in every aspect of my life. And cities are definitely havens for introverts. My college life was very similar to yours. I was living at home with my parents, failing classes and was miserable. At the time, I didn't understand why I couldn't concentrate on anything because nobody told me about ADHD and my parents didn't bother to have to checked out.

I dropped out, ended up renting a very cheap room and working as an independent contractor for many projects, and one project got me a full-time job. It led me into a career I have now.

I think it's very smart that you started a business. You know what you need and what you can or can't handle. If you don't want to work a regular job, then you can be your own boss and set your own schedule. If you think college will help your business then do your best to finish it. I regret dropping out and if I can go back I would finish school. Focus on your work and get a part-time job (there are remote job opportunities). Your business may not kick off for a while and that's normal.

If I'm in your shoes and my parents are causing me hell, then I would try to get out as soon as possible. If I can't afford it, then I would pretend to get along with them so that I can try to have a peaceful home life. Fake it til you make it. I know it's easier to argue back and lash out but you have to control your emotions and do what's necessary to get what you need. Trust me, I've been there.

I wish I had the opportunity to be young again and make things right. You still have so much time to do everything that you want. I hope it works out.

 

[DrPepper709]

I have undiagnosed ADHD, too. It would be an understatement to say that it brought challenges in every aspect of my life. And cities are definitely havens for introverts. My college life was very similar to yours. I was living at home with my parents, failing classes and was miserable. At the time, I didn't understand why I couldn't concentrate on anything because nobody told me about ADHD and my parents didn't bother to have to checked out.

I dropped out, ended up renting a very cheap room and working as an independent contractor for many projects, and one project got me a full-time job. It led me into a career I have now.

I think it's very smart that you started a business. You know what you need and what you can or can't handle. If you don't want to work a regular job, then you can be your own boss and set your own schedule. If you think college will help your business then do your best to finish it. I regret dropping out and if I can go back I would finish school. Focus on your work and get a part-time job (there are remote job opportunities). Your business may not kick off for a while and that's normal.

If I'm in your shoes and my parents are causing me hell, then I would try to get out as soon as possible. If I can't afford it, then I would pretend to get along with them so that I can try to have a peaceful home life. Fake it til you make it. I know it's easier to argue back and lash out but you have to control your emotions and do what's necessary to get what you need. Trust me, I've been there.

I wish I had the opportunity to be young again and make things right. You still have so much time to do everything that you want. I hope it works out.

Thanks for the detailed response! I definitely am planning to move out as soon as possible, but I will bite my tongue and grit my teeth until then.

 

[tbroken]

I can't fully understand you because I don't think i have any pathology, but I'm surrounded by mess, disorganization, crime and ignorance. I was always intelligent and smart and I'm trapped in this nightmare from which i cannot escape. My parents were just too stupid to see all of this and they are just used to it. I tried to escape from here, moving to other cities and getting job there, but it was just like i was escaping and invading someone elses territory. I was unhappy where i was, so i decided to go back to my parents's house and now i just want to find the right moment to ctb. I was 23 when i moved out, now I'm 32 with spare money and a decent cv,but I really don't want to live. I'm caged in my room from months and I don't want to do anything. I just don't feel anything. Plus i was a little bit shy when i was young and I collected only friends with problems, they wanted to use me, i think i really never managed to make it through, and this is really sad. The fault is mainly my father's, he is a clown.

 

[CuriosityAndCat]

Get diagnosed so you can get accomodations