Chemi
*.✧ Que Sera, Sera ✧.* | 25y/o fem
- Nov 25, 2025
- 74
Disclaimer: This post is to share an old kind of "successful" attempt of mine back in September 2022 that might be interesting to some of you
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My failed OD CTB attempt consisted primarily of OxyContin (Opioid) mixed with different sleep and anti-nausea medications, leading to reanimation and a 4-day-long coma.
1st Dose to prepare my body against nausea, anxiety, and make me sleepy:
2nd Dose to turn my lights off
After taking the 2nd Dose, I was already so out of it that I barely remember anything of what happened till I passed out. According to the doctor's report, I had a head wound when they found me, so maybe I fell before passing out, but they did find me in my bed. Idk what happened there.
I think I woke up multiple times to throw up or just had glimpses of consciousness. When exactly I woke up, I don't remember. I lost my sense of time completely.
I do remember feeling extremely peaceful. I don't remember feeling my body much, and I couldn't move. Probably the high dose of Oxy did that. No pain or discomfort that I remember.
How I Survived (I don't remember anything, so all info comes from my mother & doctor's report)
I took the pills pretty late at night. My mother smelled vomit after waking up and walking past my room, and decided to check on me. This must have been around 2 hours after I took the last pill. At this point, my breathing and heartbeat were, according to her, barely noticeable. I also threw up quite a lot of blood at some point. About a year later, I asked her, and she estimated around half a litre of blood. She was a nurse all of her life, so I guess it is a reliable estimate.
Emergency services were called and arrived very quickly (5ish minutes). My heartbeat was nonexistent at this point despite my mother's efforts. EMS shocked me twice to get a decent heartbeat back and gave me Narcan as well as some other fluids. Off to the hospital I went.
Stomach-pumped, got hooked up to a respirator and had a gastroscopy. About 4 days after my attempt, I woke up from my coma being hella confused about what happened.
Aftermath
I lost a good chunk of my recent memories after waking up, though most of them came back after a few weeks. I even forgot that I actually attempted at the time :D
I felt like absolute crap for weeks. Like the worst hangover that just would not stop.
I was on bed rest for a couple of days after waking up, since my legs wouldn't really work. Was extremely weak and slept most of the time.
On top of that, I got dialysis 3 times a week for 2 or 3 weeks. I don't remember. That was hella creepy. Just thinking about it....
Went from the ICU to the normal stations after a week. After 2 weeks, I got moved to the grippy sock jail, where I stayed for quite a while. I remember still having to go to dialysis while being there in the beginning. The stomach aches I had for the first 10ish days were awful!
To this day, about 3 years after the attempt, I still struggle with stomach/acid problems, especially after eating, and I still get a gag reflex when taking my morning pills. Though both got better over time.
Conclusion
So close, yet so far. If it had taken longer for her to find me or if i would have just taken less of those random prescription pills, which just made me throw up even more, it might have worked.
Overall, would not try that again. It has to be one of the worst months in my life, and it was far from a nice experience. Writing and remembering everything is still really tough on me, even though it has been 3 years since the attempt.
TLDR: WOULD NOT RECOMMEND haha
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My failed OD CTB attempt consisted primarily of OxyContin (Opioid) mixed with different sleep and anti-nausea medications, leading to reanimation and a 4-day-long coma.
1st Dose to prepare my body against nausea, anxiety, and make me sleepy:
- 20mg OxyContin (Opioid - orally)
- 2mg Lorazepam (Benzo - orally)
- 250mg Dimenhydrinate (Anti-Nausea - orally)
- 100mg Doxylamine succinate (OTC sleep medication - orally)
- 40mg Pipamperon (prescription sleep medication - orally)
- 40mg Pantoprazol (OTC anti-acid medication - orally)
2nd Dose to turn my lights off
- 400mg (5x 80mg) OxyContin (rectally
) - 380mg (4x 80mg + remaining 60mg from 1st Dose) OxyContin (cut in smaller pieces for faster effect - orally)
- 3mg Lorazepam (orally)
- 250mg Dimenhydrinate (orally)
- 150mg Doxylamine succinate (orally)
- 200mg Pipamperon (orally)
- Plus idk 900mg Venlafaxin and some Paracetamol apparently (wasn't planned, just felt like it in the moment, I guess - orally)
After taking the 2nd Dose, I was already so out of it that I barely remember anything of what happened till I passed out. According to the doctor's report, I had a head wound when they found me, so maybe I fell before passing out, but they did find me in my bed. Idk what happened there.
I think I woke up multiple times to throw up or just had glimpses of consciousness. When exactly I woke up, I don't remember. I lost my sense of time completely.
I do remember feeling extremely peaceful. I don't remember feeling my body much, and I couldn't move. Probably the high dose of Oxy did that. No pain or discomfort that I remember.
How I Survived (I don't remember anything, so all info comes from my mother & doctor's report)
I took the pills pretty late at night. My mother smelled vomit after waking up and walking past my room, and decided to check on me. This must have been around 2 hours after I took the last pill. At this point, my breathing and heartbeat were, according to her, barely noticeable. I also threw up quite a lot of blood at some point. About a year later, I asked her, and she estimated around half a litre of blood. She was a nurse all of her life, so I guess it is a reliable estimate.
Emergency services were called and arrived very quickly (5ish minutes). My heartbeat was nonexistent at this point despite my mother's efforts. EMS shocked me twice to get a decent heartbeat back and gave me Narcan as well as some other fluids. Off to the hospital I went.
Stomach-pumped, got hooked up to a respirator and had a gastroscopy. About 4 days after my attempt, I woke up from my coma being hella confused about what happened.
Aftermath
I lost a good chunk of my recent memories after waking up, though most of them came back after a few weeks. I even forgot that I actually attempted at the time :D
I felt like absolute crap for weeks. Like the worst hangover that just would not stop.
I was on bed rest for a couple of days after waking up, since my legs wouldn't really work. Was extremely weak and slept most of the time.
On top of that, I got dialysis 3 times a week for 2 or 3 weeks. I don't remember. That was hella creepy. Just thinking about it....
Went from the ICU to the normal stations after a week. After 2 weeks, I got moved to the grippy sock jail, where I stayed for quite a while. I remember still having to go to dialysis while being there in the beginning. The stomach aches I had for the first 10ish days were awful!
To this day, about 3 years after the attempt, I still struggle with stomach/acid problems, especially after eating, and I still get a gag reflex when taking my morning pills. Though both got better over time.
Conclusion
So close, yet so far. If it had taken longer for her to find me or if i would have just taken less of those random prescription pills, which just made me throw up even more, it might have worked.
Overall, would not try that again. It has to be one of the worst months in my life, and it was far from a nice experience. Writing and remembering everything is still really tough on me, even though it has been 3 years since the attempt.
TLDR: WOULD NOT RECOMMEND haha
