AQUA
Ｈｅａｄｓｔｏｎｅ
- Dec 2, 2020
- 301
SO the story goes like this-
I ran away from home and travelled to Brighton with the intention ctb in the sea(either drown or hypothermia) and when I saw how violent the waves were... when I felt the freezing cold water... I GOT... SO SCARED! So as a last-minute decision, I called the Samaritans(out of pure terror I felt from the sea) and talked to a lady on the phone for an hour or two. When I calmed down a little I agreed to help and ended up telling her (lady on the phone) my location, phone number and name (out of Si) but when I heard the ambulance coming I got spooked, hung up the phone and left the scene. I regret leaving the scene now because my suicidal feeling might have been taken seriously this time without needing to attempt. I ended up laying on a random park bench (unannounced to me and ironically a 5 min walk from the Samaritans office in Brighton lol) from 1:30am-6:30am aching all over from the hours of walking I had done (literally) in the freezing cold, wishing I had some booze to dull the Si just enough so I could have gotten the job over and done with... any means necessary!
In the morning after not sleeping a wink, I went to London, brought a rope and headed to south-end (seaside) to try/intending to hang myself( No idea why south-end tho I got the location because I went to the ticket office, gave the man behind the screen £20 and asked how far can I go with this?! lol only worthy for the movies ) I arrived in Southend at around 3pm and after getting off at multiple stops before my destination and look at the sea from different locations and whatnot(I KNOW PATHETIC, I thought I was gonna die, GIVE ME A BREAK XD). That day I walked around (south-end) until 11pm. so that's roughly 8 hours of nonstop walking in the freezing, windy, rainy town looking for any tree to ctb.
Hours before that I got a text from the metropolitan police telling me I was a missing person so as my legs/ankle/foot had fully seized up and were killing me + the bad weather + not haven slept for over 24 hours (yawn) I gave up and called the police so they could pick me up (which happened a few hours after I initially called) and took me back home :( my family are pissed at me because all that they think is that I ran away from home for no reason, even tho they are aware of my previous mental health problems + how unusual this behaviour is for me *sigh*. my phone died so when I charged it when I got back my phone was full of messages from other loved ones worried about me
I hate hurting the people i love by prolonging the inevitable! wish i could end it already but im too pussy and indecisive to do such an act!
sorry about grammer, English is only my first language :D
thanks for reading
I ran away from home and travelled to Brighton with the intention ctb in the sea(either drown or hypothermia) and when I saw how violent the waves were... when I felt the freezing cold water... I GOT... SO SCARED! So as a last-minute decision, I called the Samaritans(out of pure terror I felt from the sea) and talked to a lady on the phone for an hour or two. When I calmed down a little I agreed to help and ended up telling her (lady on the phone) my location, phone number and name (out of Si) but when I heard the ambulance coming I got spooked, hung up the phone and left the scene. I regret leaving the scene now because my suicidal feeling might have been taken seriously this time without needing to attempt. I ended up laying on a random park bench (unannounced to me and ironically a 5 min walk from the Samaritans office in Brighton lol) from 1:30am-6:30am aching all over from the hours of walking I had done (literally) in the freezing cold, wishing I had some booze to dull the Si just enough so I could have gotten the job over and done with... any means necessary!
In the morning after not sleeping a wink, I went to London, brought a rope and headed to south-end (seaside) to try/intending to hang myself( No idea why south-end tho I got the location because I went to the ticket office, gave the man behind the screen £20 and asked how far can I go with this?! lol only worthy for the movies ) I arrived in Southend at around 3pm and after getting off at multiple stops before my destination and look at the sea from different locations and whatnot(I KNOW PATHETIC, I thought I was gonna die, GIVE ME A BREAK XD). That day I walked around (south-end) until 11pm. so that's roughly 8 hours of nonstop walking in the freezing, windy, rainy town looking for any tree to ctb.
Hours before that I got a text from the metropolitan police telling me I was a missing person so as my legs/ankle/foot had fully seized up and were killing me + the bad weather + not haven slept for over 24 hours (yawn) I gave up and called the police so they could pick me up (which happened a few hours after I initially called) and took me back home :( my family are pissed at me because all that they think is that I ran away from home for no reason, even tho they are aware of my previous mental health problems + how unusual this behaviour is for me *sigh*. my phone died so when I charged it when I got back my phone was full of messages from other loved ones worried about me
I hate hurting the people i love by prolonging the inevitable! wish i could end it already but im too pussy and indecisive to do such an act!
sorry about grammer, English is only my first language :D
thanks for reading
