My beginning never started. Now my end has begun

[Broken Buzz]

Ah, the ramblings of a factory-flawed space ranger, how I wish I were posting in Recovery instead.

Perhaps I could have recovered from the two-year relationship with a manipulative narcissist, whose catalogue of abuse and occasional torture could inspire the brutalist of militia. Losing my daughter, as any parent will know, is a fracture of your soul that will never heal. Like a waterfall of pain filling every part of your consciousness, until you drown in your thoughts. I came forward to the authorities for protection, but they refused to help. I was broken, emotionless, nihilistic; but not yet suicidal. I wanted to die, but I wanted more to spare those I love from the hurt. Still, I knew my absolute limit, and today that line was not just crossed, shit flew past to infinity and beyond.

I'm not afraid of death. I know my decision will destroy my parents and the few friends who have stuck by me, but I hope that they will pull together and understand why I have chosen this path; sometimes life can be its own terminal illness.

I'm not yet 100% sure that I'm ready to do this, there is perhaps still a mote of hope among the smouldering rubble of my recent past, but I'll know for sure within the next couple of days if my heart is in this with my head. I'm writing my letters to the people who matter, shielding the paper from my tears.

Fuck, nobody said it would be this hard.

 

[FuneralCry]

This life really can make us suffer, people can be so cruel and cause us a lot of pain. As humans there is only so much we can deal with until we are at our limits. It is hard thinking of those left behind but that is what we have to deal with if we want to end our pain. I wish you the best.

 

[Broken Buzz]

This life really can make us suffer, people can be so cruel and cause us a lot of pain. As humans there is only so much we can deal with until we are at our limits. It is hard thinking of those left behind but that is what we have to deal with if we want to end our pain. I wish you the best.

Indeed, I despair of the cruelty of some humans; I'd be so much happier living in a society where I only had to deal with animals, I've never known an animal to be cruel to me.

It's an impossible task to convincingly convey to people who have never experienced the pain we're feeling, why our lives can't get any better. Honestly, I could deal with the pain and emptiness if there were a way my life could simply stay as bad as it is now, a status quo of despair, but the evidence is overwhelmingly demonstrating that things will only continue to get worse for me.

 

[WornOutLife]

Sorry life (and people) is making you go through all that hell.
I wish I could help you somehow.

Feel free to pm me if you need to talk.

Hugs and love,

Matt