Venting Made my choice

[AnnihilatedAnna]

I'm going to do it. I don't want to live anymore. I've decided I'm going to kill myself. I don't know when yet. And I might still change my mind but as I am standing in it now, I'm going to do it.

I'm flat ass broke right now so I'm going to save up to buy SN. That's the method I'm going with. I will have to write my notes and get my affairs in order.

Now that I've made my decision, I feel like there is this weight of my shoulders. It has been replaced with guilt, but that is okay. I've just gotta pretend I'm fine for a while so I can make my money and buy the supplies.

So obviously I'm still gonna be here for a while but still I wanna thank everybody that has supported me on here. That listened to me. Especially @Kikoo Loool, thank you

 

[Roberto]

I haven't seen how do you feel, your motivations for ctb. Would you like to share them, just in case there is an idea that could help you and didn't try?
I'm not pro life. I want to ctb, but may be someone can have any idea to share with you.

 

[First loss]

Good luck Anna. Don't rush yourself. May you find peace.

 

[AnnihilatedAnna]

I haven't seen how do you feel, your motivations for ctb. Would you like to share them, just in case there is an idea that could help you and didn't try?
I'm not pro life. I want to ctb, but may be someone can have any idea to share with you.

My life has been hard, and I feel like it will not get better, I've been therapy for a good while and there isn't much I can do to get better in a different direction

 

[Roberto]

The therapy is about psychiatric or psychologists? Or you mean to treat other kind of illness.
I'm sorry you had a hard life. I don't feel I had a hard life. My decision for ctb is about emptiness, feel that I can't cope to have a normal life.

 

[AnnihilatedAnna]

The therapy is about psychiatric or psychologists? Or you mean to treat other kind of illness.
I'm sorry you had a hard life. I don't feel I had a hard life. My decision for ctb is about emptiness, feel that I can't cope to have a normal life.

Treatment for depression, and other stuff. With psychologists. Talking therapy, I know that there is a name for it but I only know it in Dutch.

 

[Roberto]

Thanks for your answers. It's good to keep your privacy. May be you mean Psychoanalysis, or Dialectic Behavior Therapy.
I'm sorry about the depression. It's horrible to cope.
Have you ever changed your therapist?
A big hug!

 

[AnnihilatedAnna]

Thanks for your answers. It's good to keep your privacy. May be you mean Psychoanalysis, or Dialectic Behavior Therapy.
I'm sorry about the depression. It's horrible to cope.
Have you ever changed your therapist?
A big hug!

Thanks you! A big hug back! I haven't but that is because I have a hard time trusting people. Lots of trust issues. We call it cognitive behavioural therapy, at least that is roughly translated.

 

[21Neberg]

My life has been hard, and I feel like it will not get better, I've been therapy for a good while and there isn't much I can do to get better in a different direction

Therapy fucking sucks. I hate the fact I decided to go to it. I'm glad you've made up your mind and I hope that you will find peace soon, be it alive or dead.

 

[Cookiedough8956]

I'm so sorry that your life hasn't gotten any better. I'm still gonna hope for you - that you have some type of turnaround.Tough it out a little more..

but, whatever choice you make; we are here for you and support you.
I wish you all the best - sincerely.

<3

 

[Roberto]

Thanks you! A big hug back!❤ I haven't but that is because I have a hard time trusting people. Lots of trust issues. We call it cognitive behavioural therapy, at least that is roughly translated.

I tried the cognitive behavioural therapy. But it didn't work with me. I couldn't catch my internal speech to fill the forms for the therapist.
When I was interned in a psychiatric hospital, after an intent of ctb, someone told me to try several therapists. Because you don't find the right one, at the first one.
Whatever choice you make, we are here to give support each other.
I always think people is honest. Even more in places like these. I think I can be wrong.
Thanks for your words.

 

[Psilo]

You're not the only one who made that decision, I made my mind a long time ago and plenty others too.
Try not put yourself too much under pressure, I know this is hard because once you made up your mind you have only thoughts about it. Don't rush it, its not a duty is a choice.

There are some good hearted people on SS and we'll support each other no matter what!

One love

 

[AnnihilatedAnna]

You're not the only one who made that decision, I made my mind a long time ago and plenty others too.
Try not put yourself too much under pressure, I know this is hard because once you made up your mind you have only thoughts about it. Don't rush it, its not a duty is a choice.

There are some good hearted people on SS and we'll support each other no matter what!

One love

I won't rush into it. If I have the SN eventually I can still stop. I'll be smart bout it and do what feels right for me.

Thanks you

 

[GeorgeJL]

I'm going to do it. I don't want to live anymore. I've decided I'm going to kill myself. I don't know when yet. And I might still change my mind but as I am standing in it now, I'm going to do it.

I'm flat ass broke right now so I'm going to save up to buy SN. That's the method I'm going with. I will have to write my notes and get my affairs in order.

Now that I've made my decision, I feel like there is this weight of my shoulders. It has been replaced with guilt, but that is okay. I've just gotta pretend I'm fine for a while so I can make my money and buy the supplies.

So obviously I'm still gonna be here for a while but still I wanna thank everybody that has supported me on here. That listened to me. Especially @Kikoo Loool, thank you❤

I'm glad you at least choose a dignified method. I hope you find your peace no matter what.

 

[AnnihilatedAnna]

I'm glad you at least choose a dignified method. I hope you find your peace no matter what.

Thank you so much!

 

[dandan]

I'm glad a weight has been taken off your shoulders.

you made a hard choice, disregarding what happens I wish you peace

 

[AnnihilatedAnna]

I'm glad a weight has been taken off your shoulders.

you made a hard choice, disregarding what happens I wish you peace

Thanks

 

[Kikoo Loool]

No matter how hard I respect your choice, my heart is broken tonight peace, hugs and kiss

 

[AnnihilatedAnna]

No matter how hard I respect your choice, my heart is broken tonight peace, hugs and kiss

I'm sorry, hugs and kisses to you too!

 

[Kikoo Loool]

Never be sorry for what you decide for yourself.

 

[AnnihilatedAnna]

Never be sorry for what you decide for yourself.

For some reason I think I'll always be. That's in my nature. I find it very hard to chose myself.

 

[anuglymale]

Good, at some point we have to make a final decision

 

[AnnihilatedAnna]

Good, at some point we have to make a final decision

That's true!

 

[silentsinger]

I'm so sorry.

 

[AnnihilatedAnna]

I'm so sorry.

Why?

 

[silentsinger]

Why?

I just feel bad because I know how this feels but at the same time I don't like to think of other people feeling the same. Sorry, Too many emotions tonight and I get tearful easily.

 

[Roberto]

I just feel bad because I know how this feels but at the same time I don't like to think of other people feeling the same. Sorry, Too many emotions tonight and I get tearful easily.

I feel that I would love to be the only person that wants to ctb in the world. I would like the rest to live a long and happy life. It seems there a lot of good persons here.

 

[anuglymale]

That's true!

Well, this isnt "good" but what I wanted to say that we must constantly make decisions with incomplete information and dont worry about them too much. Maybe you are wrong about killing yourself and maybe I am wrong about killing myself, so what, with the information I have it looks like the correct decision.

 

[Santiago]

Woa you are Dutch? Shoot me a message!

Misschien kan ik helpen

 

[TAW122]

@AnnihilatedAnna Hugs to you. I'm sorry that things really suck and that life sucks. I do hope you are able to find peace in your decision.