Venting lost & alone

[devil]

I'm not really sure how I feel anymore, I just feel like venting.
I feel stuck in the cycle of life, nothing excites me anymore
and I feel like i'm faking my happiness more than I usually do each day.
I'm tired of disappointing everyone around me and I can tell that the people
who are "suppose to care" are getting sick of me talking about the same shit all
of the time. That's when I start hiding how I actually feel, but if I end up lying then
it pisses people off more because "they know something is wrong and i'm just lying
to them by just saying that I'm fine" blah. I'm just tired of my thoughts going from good
one day to miserable the next. I honestly just wish I could stay in my deep depression and never
have another normal/happy day again. It would make ctb much easier. Whenever I'm alone
anywhere, I just look around at this shitty, fake society and wonder how anyone could enjoy
living so much. I feel like there's no point to anything anymore. I'm exhausted, putting effort
towards living everyday and doing everything that I'm suppose to do is getting fucking awful.
I just feel like a huge ass burden to everyone and I can't stand living like this anymore,
but my SI is holding me back on ctb and I don't know what the hell to do anymore or
how to get over the SI. So if anyone has any ways of overcoming that, let me know.
Sorry that this is really random, probably pointless and doesn't make any sense but I
don't know how much longer I can hold on to this so called life.
I'm tired
& sick of this world.

 

[Pistolero114]

I agree. Indubitaly. Fake people in a fake world. It never ends.

 

[devil]

I agree. Indubitaly. Fake people in a fake world. It never ends.

Yep, it never ends unless you end it yourself.

 

[Pistolero114]

Touche'. A well made point.

 

[devil]

Touche'. A well made point.

I just don't want life to make the decision for me when my time is up, i'd rather make the decision for myself.

 

[keara]

I just don't want life to make the decision for me when my time is up, i'd rather make the decision for myself.

Same. I just want to feel in control for once. But again, you're never 100% sure you're going to succeed, and that pisses me off a lot.

 

[Seven]

I feel your pain op, its hard being real its a catch 22, if your upset and depressed people tend to stay away from you or get angry if you're always depressed. If you fake it then they know somethings up and get mad because you're not telling them. It's a rough world out there, you can't make people happy no matter what you do theres always a consequence. I see it as this there is a fight between two people, you hear both their story's and you trust both of them completely. One of the friends stole the others watch. You chose the one friend who had his watch stolen the other friend will dislike you. Side with the friend who says he didn't steal the watch the other friend will disliked you. You get away and not take sides and they both are upset but not as much. It's just how it is sorry though I wish the world was more accepting. I guess eventually we all turn into ice. Sorry if I didn't make sense I'm still screwed from last nights thing.