Venting Losing your shit?

[Bulldogbitch]

Long post warning.

Over the past few months (year) it feels like I can't get a break.
With mental health and physical health. My mental health going on 10+ years.
One crazy, nasty old neighbour who's had a hatred towards me since I moved in has made my life even more of a misery.

This was supposed to be my home, feel safe, move on with my life and not keep ending up under section, for whatever reason.

The other week it all just got too much. I had prepared everything to take my SN, just needed to make it and drink it.

I was looking at my dogs and I just couldn't do it to them.
Not saying I won't but the overwhelming guilt surrounding them was too much.

Anyway, I was standing near the communal rear door, waiting for dogs to come in, this said neighbour didn't do much, just slamming the doors because she doesn't like me as she exited the building.

I just saw RED! I calmly went inside, grabbed the hammer and put her front door glass window through.

I'm not proud of this, I've struggled with anger for so long but I felt so much better for it.

I hope I won't be judged too much...

Someone done similar to my main living room window a little while back, so I know it's a horrible experience.

If I don't like someone, I'll be civil or just not speak depending on the person.

She plagues my nightmares. She attacked me physically but I'm always seen as the enemy as she's older.
She's nasty to all the neighbours but I'm opposite and with the dogs going in and out, it's harder to ignore.

I used to have support from the mental health team but it just stopped when my worker went off sick last year. We had a good relationship, been working with her 6 years maybe, haf a lot of trust. I think maybe she got too close.
She has returned to work but won't speak to me which is very upsetting.

I don't really hear from family or friends so I'm at home and this abyss of loneliness has me trapped.

Hopefully I'll move on.

I want to be happy, or feel neutral but I'm crying a lot and my thoughts are pretty dark.

Thanks if you've read this ❤

 

[WornOutLife]

It seems you have a very annoying neighbor. I have some of those in my building too.

I'm literally a quite person who never disturbs anyone but sometimes, on Fridays or Saturdays I play some music (not loud at all, just a bit higher than normal) and one month ago, one of my neighbors (still don't know who), started to rang my bell in a crazy way but not my door, just the bell which is connected to my building's entrance so, I had no way of knowing who it was unless I came down the stairs very fast and I was drunk af so, not doing that haha.

Also, I found a note under my door which say: "TURN DOWN THE VOLUME. I CAN'T SLEEP"
Why wasn't this person mature enough to knock my door and tell me to it in a politice way? I'll never know.

It's quite interesting (and kinda cute) how you just couldn't leave your dogs alone in this world. Something similar happened to me when I was living in my parents' house with my lovely dog,

One more thing, it's really mature and amazing that you were able to calm down. Anger doesn't solve anything and I know some people who went to prison just for overreacting when arguing with other people.

Anyway, hope things get better somehow.

Hugs,

Matt

 

[sadbadpsychogirl]

i know you're not proud of yourself... but i'm proud of you

 

[Bulldogbitch]

i know you're not proud of yourself... but i'm proud of you

Well I don't feel guilty about it, she had it common, she talks to everyone like they're worthless. Not on.
You did make me chuckle, thank you for that sadbadpsychogirl: