For those poor souls who suffer from it or, suspect that they do, what made you realise that what you were experiencing was limerence rather than love?
I want to start by saying, I'm no longer in the throws of a crazy crush. If you had put to me during the crush that it might be limerence though- I would have felt insulted. Because, I believed I was in love. Well- not in love- they didn't reciprocate it! But, that I genuinely loved them.
So, maybe we should address that first. Is limerence a form of love do you suppose? I think the problem with limerence is surely- a lot of actual relationships start out that way. Someone has an intense crush on someone else. They can't seem to stop thinking about them and picturing themselves with them. So- when does it become limerence? When it isn't reciprocated but doesn't go away?
A few things that made me think all of my crushes were in fact limerence were:
- None of them were reciprocated but despite that, they went on for years.
- My idea of them in some ways didn't fit the actual person. Asides from the glaringly obvious difference that they didn't love me back in real life, there were other things too. Sometimes, they would do things that were out right cruel. That's not to say we don't all have faults but, some of the things should have been enough to make me think- I wouldn't even want this person as a friend! And yet, it would only put me off them for a day or two. Day 3, I'd be back to infatuating. I'd even tell myself that I must be in love because, I loved their faults too.
- I used to get obsessed about obsessing. Like- I didn't know the term 'limerence' at the time but, it felt terribly and intensely out of control. Part of me also wondered whether that meant it was love. Surely, love was supposed to be that intense?
- I also used to feel so much shame about it and guilt sometimes too. Not that I ever acted on it but I felt so embarassed that they might realise how I felt and be disgusted/ creeped out by it.
What are your thoughts though? Are there people who think they've experienced limerence and love? Were there distinct differences between them?
I want to start by saying, I'm no longer in the throws of a crazy crush. If you had put to me during the crush that it might be limerence though- I would have felt insulted. Because, I believed I was in love. Well- not in love- they didn't reciprocate it! But, that I genuinely loved them.
So, maybe we should address that first. Is limerence a form of love do you suppose? I think the problem with limerence is surely- a lot of actual relationships start out that way. Someone has an intense crush on someone else. They can't seem to stop thinking about them and picturing themselves with them. So- when does it become limerence? When it isn't reciprocated but doesn't go away?
A few things that made me think all of my crushes were in fact limerence were:
- None of them were reciprocated but despite that, they went on for years.
- My idea of them in some ways didn't fit the actual person. Asides from the glaringly obvious difference that they didn't love me back in real life, there were other things too. Sometimes, they would do things that were out right cruel. That's not to say we don't all have faults but, some of the things should have been enough to make me think- I wouldn't even want this person as a friend! And yet, it would only put me off them for a day or two. Day 3, I'd be back to infatuating. I'd even tell myself that I must be in love because, I loved their faults too.
- I used to get obsessed about obsessing. Like- I didn't know the term 'limerence' at the time but, it felt terribly and intensely out of control. Part of me also wondered whether that meant it was love. Surely, love was supposed to be that intense?
- I also used to feel so much shame about it and guilt sometimes too. Not that I ever acted on it but I felt so embarassed that they might realise how I felt and be disgusted/ creeped out by it.
What are your thoughts though? Are there people who think they've experienced limerence and love? Were there distinct differences between them?
