Leaving behind

[goingrealsoon]

The thing that crushes me every day is how my absense will affect the people I care about. I don't want to hurt or harm anyone for any reason, but I know this will. I've wrtten letters to explain my plight and tried to answer as many questions as might come up. Of course, I will abysmaly fail at this because there will envariably be questions and self blame and a slew of what if's that I just can't account for. It's just that shock for them and those mountains of questions and grief. I minimally rationalize that if I were to die a natural death before them, they would experience grief, but I don't think it will be the same. As I move closer to my end I am becoming more broken hearted than ever. A friend is talking to me. He knows of my plan. He is scrambling to provide me with alternatives and I can barely talk I am so full of saddness, regret and remorse for putting any of this on him. He is a compassionate friend, in fact the only person in the world I could trust to share my story with. I feel panicked all the time and keep practicing my method and keep meditating on those final moments. I want a peaceful end, a resolute end with a smidge of bravery. I want to journey with determination, calm and perhaps even a smidge of appreciation for the aspects of my life that invigorated, inspired, or availed some brief moment that all things in this cosmos felt aligned.

 

[WornOutLife]

Same here.
I'm still here because I just can't leave my dad behind.

CTB means killing him too. He might have a heart-attack, stroke or simply keep on living without living, if you know what I mean.

 

[goingrealsoon]

Same here.
I'm still here because I just can't leavy my dad behind.

CTB means killing him too. He might have a heart-attack, stroke or simply keep on living without living, if you know what I mean.

Yeah, that breaks my heart to think about. Ouch!

 

[BandAddict]

It's really fucking hard. I've been thinking about it constantly, how they'll pull through it, and if it's possible that it could bring any relief to them. If they didn't give a shit or openly hated me, my job would be easy.

I wish I had some advice to make it easier, but I'm still wondering about it myself. Like how to prepare them without telling them.

 

[goingrealsoon]

It's really fucking hard. I've been thinking about it constantly, how they'll pull through it, and if it's possible that it could bring any relief to them. If they didn't give a shit or openly hated me, my job would be easy.

I wish I had some advice to make it easier, but I'm still wondering about it myself. Like how to prepare them without telling them.

It's really fucking hard. I've been thinking about it constantly, how they'll pull through it, and if it's possible that it could bring any relief to them. If they didn't give a shit or openly hated me, my job would be easy.

I wish I had some advice to make it easier, but I'm still wondering about it myself. Like how to prepare them without telling them.

I have written several notes....in the neiborhood of 20 pages offering anecdotes and explanations and appology after appology. I have carefully layed out my Holographic will, and instructions with what and how to deal with my stuff. I included the EXIT book pdf on a stick drive and explained my chosen method and that it will be peaceful. I will fed ex this package them the day before or so. That's my plan. Everything is written and in neat manila envolopes. I have even made notes for the authorities and the hotel I will ctb in.

 

[BandAddict]

I have written several notes....in the neiborhood of 20 pages offering anecdotes and explanations and appology after appology. I have carefully layed out my Holographic will, and instructions with what and how to deal with my stuff. I included the EXIT book pdf on a stick drive and explained my chosen method and that it will be peaceful. I will fed ex this package them the day before or so. That's my plan. Everything is written and in neat manila envolopes. I have even made notes for the authorities and the hotel I will ctb in.

That's impressively organized. I only have a note typed up, that's all I have the energy for, haha... I'm sure that will be really helpful for them.

Whenever you decide it's time to go, I wish you a smooth exit and peace.

 

[goingrealsoon]

That's impressively organized. I only have a note typed up, that's all I have the energy for, haha... I'm sure that will be really helpful for them.

Whenever you decide it's time to go, I wish you a smooth exit and peace.

Thank you....as my eyes well with tears. It seems the smallest kindness sets me off these days. I thank you for your kind wishes and I also wish for you to find your way to the place you most wish to be in peace and calm.

 

[Pen>Sword]

Yeah, I wrote mine too. The loved ones don't deserve the pain once we CTB, but the pain is just too unbearable for us to go on. Like you, I have cried writing mine because it came from the deepest depth of our heart.

@goingrealsoon, remember to spend one last time with your loved one and cherish it. Give them a last goodbye. It's never too late to ask for help, but if it's something that unbearable, I hope that you find peace whatever path you choose.

 

[goingrealsoon]

Thank you for your kind words. Unfortunatly I am out of the country and I honestly don't think I have the courage to say goodby over voice or video.

Yeah, I wrote mine too. The loved ones don't deserve the pain once we CTB, but the pain is just too unbearable for us to go on. Like you, I have cried writing mine because it came from the deepest depth of our heart.

@goingrealsoon, remember to spend one last time with your loved one and cherish it. Give them a last goodbye. It's never too late to ask for help, but if it's something that unbearable, I hope that you find peace whatever path you choose.

I also hope you find peace in whatever path you choose (good words).