Venting Just Wrote My Letter, This Is Really Happening.

[NoChoice]

Wrote my letter a little bit in advance, will be here for 2 more weeks at the absolute most. Anyone feel forced into this due to a series of unfortunate events? As in life was going great and then suddenly something drastically changed for the worse and it really can't be undone ever so you are basically ruined... I might be the only one but just figured I'd ask because I really have no choice, I have severe brain damage and every day is nightmare of torture and suffering. Before this I loved life and had a lot going for me. Curious to hear if anyone else feels like they have no choice but to ctb.

 

[Asdr5633]

I'm in a very similar situation. I've had a history of depression but then I was doing really well until my health problems appeared. I think I would be happy right now if it weren't for my health issues but my health issues make me feel trapped and in need of an escape.

 

[Kris1125]

I feel exactly the same way. Due to health issues, my once happy life has been turned upside down, with no escape. I could live out the rest of my life in pain and miserable or end the torture myself. Choice seems obvious.

 

[21Neberg]

I actually do have a choice. I honestly think we all do - but it's different in how hard it is to turn things around and how motivated you are to do so ofcourse.

Even though I have the choice, and I must admit I am very lucky to be born into the family I was born into, I just don't want to live. Right now, the only thing I truly look forward to in life is cutting myself every evening. I don't enjoy living, and I don't have the motivation to try again. I just want to be dead, it's all I want.

 

[therhydler]

Wrote my letter a little bit in advance, will be here for 2 more weeks at the absolute most. Anyone feel forced into this due to a series of unfortunate events? As in life was going great and then suddenly something drastically changed for the worse and it really can't be undone ever so you are basically ruined... I might be the only one but just figured I'd ask because I really have no choice, I have severe brain damage and every day is nightmare of torture and suffering. Before this I loved life and had a lot going for me. Curious to hear if anyone else feels like they have no choice but to ctb.

Yeah I feel really similar to you :(

 

[JustAboutDone]

I think there is nothing worse than the feeling of being backed into a corner and looking for the exit door. I don't know about whether or not there is a choice because that is such a personal thing and we all make choices constantly all the time - and they are always going to be different to other people's.

I think when we get to that horrible place and we feel there is no choice as we can't go back to the life we had before sometimes it means we can try a different way. It's never going to be the same - and we don't know if it's going to be better or worse than the life we had before. All we know is that it will be different.

It's the most frightening place to be, and probably, to be honest, the loneliest, as it feels like there's no one there but you trying to do all the decisions in your head alone.

X

 

[SeventyNine]

I actually do have a choice. I honestly think we all do - but it's different in how hard it is to turn things around and how motivated you are to do so ofcourse.

Even though I have the choice, and I must admit I am very lucky to be born into the family I was born into, I just don't want to live. Right now, the only thing I truly look forward to in life is cutting myself every evening. I don't enjoy living, and I don't have the motivation to try again. I just want to be dead, it's all I want.

Thank you. You've just exactly explained my feelings that I didn't know how to describe.

 

[leaps]

Me

 

[SeekingSolace]

I began having seizures about five years ago, in my late twenties. They are severe in nature, and each time leave me with physical and mental consequences. I am an emotional wreck, and the stress my weakened mental state places on others only serves to create further discord in the lives of those around me. My mother is in her late 40's and has resided in an adult living facility as a ward of the state for nearly a decade. I fear my future holds the same.

 

[Thewhowithin69]

Yes. This I relate to. I am so sorry so many of you have health issues/deterioration as a reason for ctb. I find myself saying would you rather end up in a facility being cared for by others?? Umm no thanks. But I have my moments of being angry, like damn I fought so hard for a life I could be ok with/in and now it's getting taken from me and I barely figured this shit out when the rug was yanked!! I absolutely want more time but the moment passes and I am realistic and resigned. I don't have any energy to be impulsive, I will end up ctb'ing eventually but I still hope for some last minute miracle that I know won't come!!
Ya sad and frustrating but life was never easy for me so not sure why my death would be any different!

 

[NoChoice]

I actually do have a choice. I honestly think we all do - but it's different in how hard it is to turn things around and how motivated you are to do so ofcourse.

Even though I have the choice, and I must admit I am very lucky to be born into the family I was born into, I just don't want to live. Right now, the only thing I truly look forward to in life is cutting myself every evening. I don't enjoy living, and I don't have the motivation to try again. I just want to be dead, it's all I want.

I mean TECHNICALLY I have a choice, but really I don't, and if you were me you would get that. It's a similar choice to keeping a vegetable on life support or cutting it. Sure they could live, but why the fuck would they? They're just suffering and a waste of space, oxygen, time, resources etc. That's me. I have no choice. If I did I'd be moving onward in life.

 

[NoChoice]

I began having seizures about five years ago, in my late twenties. They are severe in nature, and each time leave me with physical and mental consequences. I am an emotional wreck, and the stress my weakened mental state places on others only serves to create further discord in the lives of those around me. My mother is in her late 40's and has resided in an adult living facility as a ward of the state for nearly a decade. I fear my future holds the same.

That's some honest fucking bullshit, the type of thing that makes me despise the very nature I fell in love with.. it's so fucking flawed and makeshift, sorry man I really hope you find your peace.

 

[SeekingSolace]

That's some honest fucking bullshit, the type of thing that makes me despise the very nature I fell in love with.. it's so fucking flawed and makeshift, sorry man I really hope you find your peace.

Thank you. <3

 

[ThinkingAboutThis]

I can relate to it. I had so many things going for me for a long time, but things have changed, and getting through each day every day had been a huge challenge. I'd lost my autonomy and had become housebound and live with horrific physical fatigue and exreme levels of severe anxiety and all kinds of health complications. And a lot of this had actually happened in the last several years of my ife. So much trauma to all of it that I honestly want out!!!

Basically, I probably need to put up with at least of 1-2 additional years (after the first 4) of intense suffering and will have to re-learn most coping and social skills and life skills I'd previously taken for granted. Then, I probably need 1-2 or more years to get into a better physical condition.

It seems nearly impossible. I don't know. The survival instinct keeps me alive, but I don't really know how much my body and my psyche can tolerate anymore. Not to mention that I was a healthy individual 8 years ago give or take some minor problems. I had zero desire to ctb back then. My anxiety levels were high, but that was about it.

 

[VoloFataliDoce]

I can't remember a time in my life where I thought that I wouldn't die by suicide. It seems like I'm fated to go that way. Life started out poorly and just keeps getting worse. They say that the survival instinct lessens with each suicide attempt - I doubt it.

 

[Ssrejisser]

I also have no choice. I had issues going on with my then fiance and my parents, but I was alive. Then one evening I had this "accident", in one second I became this way that I am now. I can't explain it, my idea is that something in my brain snapped, my body couldn't take the pressure or what... But now I am actually damaged, I know there is no way of coming back to the normal state again. My body is compromised, that's it. I can't fix this. I wish there was another life for me. Or nothing. It's just sad that mine turned out this way.

 

[NoChoice]

I also have no choice. I had issues going on with my then fiance and my parents, but I was alive. Then one evening I had this "accident", in one second I became this way that I am now. I can't explain it, my idea is that something in my brain snapped, my body couldn't take the pressure or what... But now I am actually damaged, I know there is no way of coming back to the normal state again. My body is compromised, that's it. I can't fix this. I wish there was another life for me. Or nothing. It's just sad that mine turned out this way.

Sorry to hear that, it all changed in a second for me too. From healthy to permanently brain damaged and ruined. Death is the only escape, wish there was another way but there isn't. I wish you peace.