butterflyman
Member
- Aug 6, 2024
- 30
Mixed up 27g SN with a small amount of water. Took a sip. Tastes salty. Don't think it'll kill me but compulsively wanted to try it. Will see how it goes.
Odd in what way?Kind of an odd thing to do. Hopefully this passes without harming your health.
Odd in what way?
Yes fair enough. I'm finding it easier to move forward with ctb through gradual steps. For example I compulsively hunted down the SN. Then compulsively ordered it. Then tasted it. Now I've drank a little. I find comfort in taking the steps gradually. I hope that I take the step too far and peacefully die. Not have some dramatic moment about taking the fatal dose of it.I don't know...let's try a bit of poison just to see how it tastes?
I have issues with compulsively and passivity phenomena. Where I have no control of my actions and I feel like a small person behind my eye watching me do things. It's normally when that darker side of me takes over. In a DiD type of way. I was fine earlier today. Then the suicidal ideation and impulses just kicked in with no warning, like a switch was flicked. I'm in therapy for DiD but it'll take too long to fix and manage as far as I'm aware; comparatively to the rate that I'm taking the SN.Yes fair enough. I'm finding it easier to move forward with ctb through gradual steps. For example I compulsively hunted down the SN. Then compulsively ordered it. Then tasted it. Now I've drank a little. I find comfort in taking the steps gradually. I hope that I take the step too far and peacefully die. Not have some dramatic moment about taking the fatal dose of it.
I'll keep you posted with any symptoms. My hands currently feel a little cold. I feel ever so slightly breathless. My feet feel a little numb and tingly.
It's so hard. At this stage we've barely scratched the surface. I appreciate the sentiment. But I just can't see myself making it through that amount of time and pain.Do you want to take a shot at seeing if the treatment will make things manageable? Is it just that you think compulsively moving toward SN will happen faster as opposed to it being your preferred plan?
I want to know how it feels too, but with my preferred ctb method being a shotgun its quite hard lolI don't know...let's try a bit of poison just to see how it tastes?
You're not alone and we're here for youI feel … ok. Mentally, I'm reassuring myself that we're all going to die soon/eventually anyway so what's the difference if I go a little earlier (tonight).
Physically I feel ok. Trying not to overthink it. Thanks for being here with me
Thank you so muchYou're not alone and we're here for you
Welcome to the community! I don't really have any friends on here either, but I definitely have some folks I've grown fond of by accident lol. But personally I'm scared to get close to anyone anymore. That being said however this community can be really special in that we're all rooting for each other to find peaceThank you so much
I was just thinking I have literally nobody in my life to talk to about this right now. I'm even new to this community (first post) so I don't even have any friends here yet. So thank you
No I think I'm ok. Thank you. I didn't drink the whole lot, just a little bit.uh op is this a goodbye thread? i hope ur ok
I mixed 27g into the water and dissolved it fully (warm water, used micro scales) but I didn't drink the whole lot, just a small bit tonight.Hi, @butterflyman, I understand your compulsiveness and I really hope that the therapy you are doing can help you (and that this forum can also be of comfort to you: welcome) but I hope you have realized that you have taken a dose even higher than that considered as certainly fatal in the protocols. Are you sure that it was really 27 grams? grams? Had you tested it? Didn't you vomit? If you are still among us (I really hope so) it would be good if you could also reassure the other users about this method (because otherwise it would be a strange anomaly ...). A hug
Well, I really hope you don't get hurt (if it was really a small sip). Be careful with what's left in the glass.No I think I'm ok. Thank you. I didn't drink the whole lot, just a little bit.
I mixed 27g into the water and dissolved it fully (warm water, used micro scales) but I didn't drink the whole lot, just a small bit tonight.