Just took 10 pills of xanax. Can’t live.

[lunargreenx]

I can't do this. Every fucking day is hard. Today I had to take a vacation from the world. I know these are addictive and I have a limited supply, so I can only do this once every two months.

I am just in so much pain. And from what a bullshit. I saw two people holding hands in a park today. They looked so happy.

I shouldn't probably go out of my house for the rest of my life. Because when I see these people and their happiness, it just crushes me. It is a constant reminder of how fucking alone I am and how there is noone I love and noone that loves me.

I wonder how it feels? Love? Waking up next to someone in the morning?

I am crying my eyes out. Waiting for pills to take effect. Thanks for listening to my self-pity.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you are going through this. I know that this life can be unbearable when you are suffering so much. This life really is so depressing and unfair. I hope you find relief from your pain in whatever happens, I wish you the best.

 

[whatevs]

I think with that you get to sleep 16h le something and wake up with a hangover.

 

[Weebster]

I wish we could go into mini comas at will. I'd like a 3 day break

 

[lunargreenx]

I think with that you get to sleep 16h le something and wake up with a hangover.

I am currently considering drinking a bottle of Jack, since I already started with Xanax..

 

[Idontmatter]

I'm sorry. I know it's hard. I wish I could find the right words to make you feel better. I remember my 20s and being gay. I felt the same way

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

I can't do this. Every fucking day is hard. Today I had to take a vacation from the world. I know these are addictive and I have a limited supply, so I can only do this once every two months.

I am just in so much pain. And from what a bullshit. I saw two people holding hands in a park today. They looked so happy.

I shouldn't probably go out of my house for the rest of my life. Because when I see these people and their happiness, it just crushes me. It is a constant reminder of how fucking alone I am and how there is noone I love and noone that loves me.

I wonder how it feels? Love? Waking up next to someone in the morning?

I am crying my eyes out. Waiting for pills to take effect. Thanks for listening to my self-pity.

Well I'll tell ya

Usually for the first little bit you wake up and hug and kiss. Then as weeks and months go by you or the SO gets bored. Years of dissatisfaction pass and then one of you will cheat. During this time you'll argue about money. Sometimes you'll get to the stage where you don't even eat together and have a dead bedroom

In the end they put these individuals in a box , and if they procreated the children wake up after the funeral to news on impending WW3 all because a man named George wouldn't stop telling the Americans to buy SUVs and McMansions.

 

[Ligottian]

I've been on a relatively light dose of benzos, including Xanax, for 30 years. What you said you took is not going to kill you.

 

[lunargreenx]

@Idontmatter I am very sorry to hear that. It wouldn't be so bad if I had any hope left. But I am starting to lose all hope and I don't think I can make it to 25. I also wish to make you feel better. I would invite you to a drink to talk about our shitty lives, but you probably don't live in Vienna :(

I've been on a relatively light dose of benzos, including Xanax, for 30 years. What you said you took is not going to kill you.

I know. That was not the point of taking them.

 

[Idontmatter]

@Idontmatter I am very sorry to hear that. It wouldn't be so bad if I had any hope left. But I am starting to lose all hope and I don't think I can make it to 25. I also wish to make you feel better. I would invite you to a drink to talk about our shitty lives, but you probably don't live in Vienna :(

I know. That was not the point of taking them.

Well I'm always here to talk. Feel free to message me. I'm here till July. Then I'm ctbing

 

[Fengshuiside]

I am currently considering drinking a bottle of Jack, since I already started with Xanax..

I'm not sure if you have done this before but I don't recommend it. This combination never leads to good things, one usually says and does very regretful and dumb things on this.. And you have taken a lot of B's, it won't end up well.

 

[Eternally Dottie]

@Idontmatter I am very sorry to hear that. It wouldn't be so bad if I had any hope left. But I am starting to lose all hope and I don't think I can make it to 25. I also wish to make you feel better. I would invite you to a drink to talk about our shitty lives, but you probably don't live in Vienna :(

I know. That was not the point of taking them.

Sorry you feel this way. Incidentally I was an au pair many years ago in Baden bei Wein. Wishing you the best

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Usually for the first little bit you wake up and hug and kiss. Then as weeks and months go by you or the SO gets bored. Years of dissatisfaction pass and then one of you will cheat. During this time you'll argue about money. Sometimes you'll get to the stage where you don't even eat together and have a dead bedroom

I have known many couples that don't follow this model. Sure, they have an argument here and there, but they work through it. It DOES still happen. When someone is miserable all the time, like me, maybe you, they have the tendency to only see the bad.

 

[Idontmatter]

I have known many couples that don't follow this model. Sure, they have an argument here and there, but they work through it. It DOES still happen. When someone is miserable all the time, like me, maybe you, they have the tendency to only see the bad.

My husband and I have been together almost 20 years. I never expected to ever to find love much less get married.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

My husband and I have been together almost 20 years. I never expected to ever to find love much less get married.

It does happen. It doesn't happen for everybody. It didn't happen for me. Just because I didn't get that in life, doesn't mean I don't believe it can't happen, or that I'm angry at others who attained it. I'm happy for others who managed to find their loves and who are still together. I'm just unhappy for me.

 

[Idontmatter]

It does happen. It doesn't happen for everybody. It didn't happen for me. Just because I didn't get that in life, doesn't mean I don't believe it can't happen, or that I'm angry at others who attained it. I'm happy for others who managed to find their loves and who are still together. I'm just unhappy for me.

Well obviously even getting married didn't help my mental health issues. Sadly my husband isn't going to have me around for very much longer

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Well obviously even getting married didn't help my mental health issues. Sadly my husband isn't going to have me around for very much longer

I don't think I ever said that I thought marriage was some kind of panacea. I'm not sure anyone ever said that. But, now you made me curious. Did you think it would be for you? Like help with your, quote, "mental issues"?

 

[Idontmatter]

I don't think I ever said that I thought marriage was some kind of panacea. I'm not sure anyone ever said that. But, now you made me curious. Did you think it would be for you? Like help with your, quote, "mental issues"?

Sorry- I didn't mean to make it sound like that. Nothing helps my depression and anxiety even talking to my husband about it.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Sorry- I didn't mean to make it sound like that. Nothing helps my depression and anxiety even talking to my husband about it.

No apologies are necessary. I hope you get some support from your husband as you fight your depression and anxiety. I think you are really the only one who can ever find the way to fix what you think needs fixing. And I think you really do matter. I think we ALL matter. Maybe you'll find a way not to give up on yourself. You've had a 20 year marriage. That's more than I've ever achieved in my personal relationships. You must have done something right.

 

[Idontmatter]

No apologies are necessary. I hope you get some support from your husband as you fight your depression and anxiety. I think you are really the only one who can ever find the way to fix what you think needs fixing. And I think you really do matter. I think we ALL matter. Maybe you'll find a way not to give up on yourself. You've had a 20 year marriage. That's more than I've ever achieved in my personal relationships. You must have done something right.

Thanks. I wish I could have a positive outlook on life. My husband has been a good support. I just can't get out of this depression and my body hurts because of my anxiety. I don't feel l matter. I hate myself sadly. My husband I feel will be a lot happier if he doesn't have to deal with me. I'm looking forward to permanent relief

 

[locked*n*loaded]

my body hurts because of my anxiety

I can relate. Many, many years ago I was the most depressed I had ever been up until that point, and I had manifestations of all kinds of pains, and even real disease. For some reason I am even more depressed now, but haven't experienced it as bad as far as physical symptoms, although I have some.

My husband I feel will be a lot happier if he doesn't have to deal with me.

Does he feel that way, too?

 

[Idontmatter]

I can relate. Many, many years ago I was the most depressed I had ever been up until that point, and I had manifestations of all kinds of pains, and even real disease. For some reason I am even more depressed now, but haven't experienced it as bad as far as physical symptoms, although I have some.


Does he feel that way, too?

No, he says he is here for me but in my head I feel like I'm annoying everyone. That might not be the case but I don't know. I think about suicide all day every day. I started feeling better for a few months and now right back in this dark cloud. My body aches because I'm so tense constantly. I just want to be out of the way. I will always feel like a burden and like I annoy people with my presence. Even on here I'm always thinking I hope I don't get annoying with posts. I'm exhausted. I just want relief and nothing helps that I've tried. I've given up and am ready to just end it all for eternal relief and hope my husband won't hate me. I don't even feel like I deserve to live. Sorry for that long response.

 

[GOODHI]

where do you get them from?

 

[lunargreenx]

No, he says he is here for me but in my head I feel like I'm annoying everyone. That might not be the case but I don't know. I think about suicide all day every day. I started feeling better for a few months and now right back in this dark cloud. My body aches because I'm so tense constantly. I just want to be out of the way. I will always feel like a burden and like I annoy people with my presence. Even on here I'm always thinking I hope I don't get annoying with posts. I'm exhausted. I just want relief and nothing helps that I've tried. I've given up and am ready to just end it all for eternal relief and hope my husband won't hate me. I don't even feel like I deserve to live. Sorry for that long response.

Hey, sorry I fell asleep. Up for a talk? Maybe we can help each other with our fucked-up lives?

 

[Idontmatter]

Hey, sorry I fell asleep. Up for a talk? Maybe we can help each other with our fucked-up lives?

No worries. I'm always up for a talk

 

[Pain In The Ass]

I think with that you get to sleep 16h le something and wake up with a hangover.

A real nice hangover, where making a cup of tea is like doing rocket science - add some Oxy to that and you're in for a fun day of falling about, dropping things and walking into door frames. I love those days!

 

[Zegers]

I saw two people holding hands in a park today. They looked so happy

I can relate, it hurts when you are so lonely.

 

[lamort]

I relate too. I feel like nobody gets me or appreciates my personality, they see it as weird or whatever. So even though I try to fix it, in the end I'm still lonely.

Also love to take sleeping pills when I get too sad. Bye bye world. No benzos today so I took Dramamine lol. Wish I could take 10 xanax too.

 

[Graytaichi]

I can't do this. Every fucking day is hard. Today I had to take a vacation from the world. I know these are addictive and I have a limited supply, so I can only do this once every two months.

I am just in so much pain. And from what a bullshit. I saw two people holding hands in a park today. They looked so happy.

I shouldn't probably go out of my house for the rest of my life. Because when I see these people and their happiness, it just crushes me. It is a constant reminder of how fucking alone I am and how there is noone I love and noone that loves me.

I wonder how it feels? Love? Waking up next to someone in the morning?

I am crying my eyes out. Waiting for pills to take effect. Thanks for listening to my self-pity.

Pour your anxiety because he (god jehovah) because he cares for u

 

[AnneRee]

Pour your anxiety because he (god jehovah) because he cares for u

Hello -Are you a jehovahs Witness ? Or were you ever one ?