Venting Just need to vent

[seventeenangels444]

Friends and being socially active was always really hard for me. The last couple of weeks I had the feeling I was getting better at communicating and not being shy and mute all the time.
I tried meeting up with people I barely know from school for example. You know when they sometimes post on Insta Story "Anyone wanna drink some wine with me this weekend, I am bored" or such silly things you know. Every time I try, people seem to have no interest in me. If I randomely ask people what they think about me, they say I am a really unique and interesting person.
Why am I still lonely then?
Last time I had a "Bestie" someone I could tell all my secrets to and whom I felt a deep connection with was 8 years ago and since then, we kinda drifted apart... very far though.
I am tired of seeing people I know partying with others or doing literally anything else. I also like to do all of those things and I would love to do them with friends.
No matter what I don't fit anywhere. Some people seem to relate, but even them can't seem to befriend me.
No matter what, people kind of disslike me. I do not know, the aura, the vibe. I always felt like people looked down on me, since I was a child.
No matter how kind I am or anything else, everyone is against me? Not plotting against me, but no one really likes me for sure.

There is one girl in my school, we have many things in commen, I know her for 4 years now. I always wanted to be friends with her.
Last weeks we talked about that maybe we could meet up and she said she always wanted to try shrooms with me. Last week she said, maybe she is free next Friday,
Today I recieve a voice memo from her. I am very very very happy for a second. I start listening to the audio. I hear her and other people in the background goofing around, seems to be some meet up or small party, she however asks me to give her back an item she gave me not long ago (It was'nt a permanent present, I knew I will need to give it back to her and I already planned when I will).
So nothing bad happened, I am just bummed out that she did't ask me if I wanted to join.
No one asks me.
This was only 20 minutes ago, but since then my already existing desire to ctb has risen significantly.
Do not worry I will not attempt anything. Unfortunetly or Fortuenetly? I do not have anything that could get the job done.

I know my issue is unimportant. I just wanted to vent, because I forgot what it's like having friends.

 

[WornOutLife]

Vent as much as you want, my friend.

Well, I used to have lots of friends but I've become a really lonely person and I dunno if I'll ever have friends or a gf again.

This girls seems to be really nice with you so, I wouldn't worry so much. Just keep on talking to her (overtexting is forbidden lol) and see what happens!

 

[fly away]

The feeling of not having friends is such a lonely feeling. I totally get it. I've found that I either have a lot friends or none. But you always have the people on this site. The support here for anyone, even a new poster like me, is just amazing and comforting.
Plus, venting is good for you

 

[seventeenangels444]

Vent as much as you want, my friend.

Well, I used to have lots of friends but I've become a really lonely person and I dunno if I'll ever have friends or a gf again.

This girls seems to be really nice with you so, I wouldn't worry so much. Just keep on talking to her (overtexting is forbidden lol) and see what happens!

I mean we talk like once a week, one sentence per person, for 4 years now. Just like we are employes at some underpaid side job.
I know maybe it was not meant to be, but I am seemingly too proud and greedy to stop and accept it.

Thank you for your support though.