Story June 13

[Joey]

It's sad to unfortunately say but I'm going to CTB on June 13.

I've been debating on whether to recover or not but it's come to a conclusion that I want no part in this life anymore.

I know that I could get help and everything but being how lonely I really am and looking around in this life, my heart is telling me that it's time to conclude on this blue planet called earth.

Not that many people know I'm planning this and not even my family....they will be devastated from my passing. They'll be fine though I know and I'll be just a memory.

Another reason why I want to CTB is because I just want no part in this world. What's the point of slaving your life away to the bone and then end up enjoying your final years when you're old and brittle. I never saw myself growing old either and I knew that I've always wanted to die young, whether if it's by an accident or by my own hand.

I've bought a bottle of SN and it's being shipped to my house. I already know what to do when it comes to the whole Stan's Guide and 25 grams thing in water but the only thing that I have to do is find the right medication. So I can have a peaceful death.

It's sad to say that I'm 27 and that I won't be making it to 30.

I've lived a good life when it comes to playing the games that I've wanted to play, hanging out with the people that I wanted to hang, and experiencing life as it is. It's nowhere near special but I'm glad to experience this life in this such a short human finite lifespan.

I don't know what awaits me on the other side but all I know is that I'm ready to face it.

I'm sorry for letting you all down...despite trying to be in Recovery.

 

[WornOutLife]

Oh, my friend, I'm so sad about this.

However, you know I want you to be at peace. We don't deserve to suffer in this goddamn world.

Well, at least we'll have some time to keep on talking and getting to know each other for some more time!

You can always count on me. You're a great member of this community!

 

[Joey]

Oh, my friend, I'm so sad about this.

However, you know I want you to be at peace. We don't deserve to suffer in this goddamn world.

Well, at least we'll have some time to keep on talking and getting to know each other for some more time!

You can always count on me. You're a great member of this community!

Thanks dude and you're a great member of this community too! I definitely like seeing you around and how much you do for the community.

I'm fucking terrified right now.

 

[Squiddy]

I wish you peace in whatever you decide to do. I might be going too depending on how my situation plays out

 

[Joey]

I wish you peace in whatever you decide to do. I might be going too depending on how my situation plays out

You're going to college and I know you definitely have a chance to turn your life for the better.

Don't be like me who wasted so much opportunities and let them pass me by. I'm so behind in life when it comes to other people.

I have faith in you squiddy.

 

[Squiddy]

You're going to college and I know you definitely have a chance to turn your life for the better.

Don't be like me who wasted so much opportunities and let them pass me by. I'm so behind in life when it comes to other people.

I have faith in you squiddy.

My dad is trying to force me to get a job and I can't do both a job and college because just college for 2 years almost led me to ctb so that's why I say I might be following :(

 

[Joey]

My dad is trying to force me to get a job and I can't do both a job and college because just college for 2 years almost led me to ctb so that's why I say I might be following :(

You finished the first 2 years right?

 

[Squiddy]

You finished the first 2 years right?

Yeah. Now I gotta transfer, but my dad wants me to also work and there's no way I can do both as that's one way to get me in the casket.

 

[Joey]

Yeah. Now I gotta transfer, but my dad wants me to also work and there's no way I can do both as that's one way to get me in the casket.

I'd try to convince your Dad to only let you do the last 2 years of college. It sucks that he wants you to do both and that you can't manage it. I hope your Mom is on your side.

 

[Squiddy]

I'd try to convince your Dad to only let you do the last 2 years of college. It sucks that he wants you to do both and that you can't manage it. I hope your Mom is on your side.

Usually she's on his side and she told me last night that I have to do something. Thing is college doesn't start til January so he told me he doesn't want me just sitting, but I really want to keep my disability.

I really want to compromise and say maybe I could do part time and keep my disability, but he hates comprising and will force me to do full time and that's why I currently want to ctb :(

 

[Joey]

Usually she's on his side and she told me last night that I have to do something. Thing is college doesn't start til January so he told me he doesn't want me just sitting, but I really want to keep my disability.

I really want to compromise and say maybe I could do part time and keep my disability, but he hates comprising and will force me to do full time and that's why I currently want to ctb :(

That's just crazy and insane. You're 22 and should be able to make your own choices on what you want to do. I know they help you out a lot but what I think you should do is maybe have some family type of meeting. Like set them both down and be real honest with them and what you really want out of your life.

Compromising is one of the most important things.

 

[Squiddy]

That's just crazy and insane. You're 22 and should be able to make your own choices on what you want to do. I know they help you out a lot but what I think you should do is maybe have some family type of meeting. Like set them both down and be real honest with them and what you really want out of your life.

Compromising is one of the most important things.

True. He pulled the work or go find disability housing card and said how none of my friends would take me in and how I'd practically be homeless

 

[Joey]

True. He pulled the work or go find disability housing card and said how none of my friends would take me in and how I'd practically be homeless

I don't think he'd do that to you though. He really loves you. It would be completely messed up if that sort of thing would've happened.

 

[Squiddy]

I don't think he'd do that to you though. He really loves you. It would be completely messed up if that sort of thing would've happened.

He probably wouldn't, but it's still a shitty thing to say to someone in an already fragile state of mind

 

[Joey]

He probably wouldn't, but it's still a shitty thing to say to someone in an already fragile state of mind

My Dad says shit to me too and I'm really fragile. It really hurts and it sucks being the emotional type. I hear you though.

But I hope it really works out for you and I would hate to see you CTB.

 

[Squiddy]

My Dad says shit to me too and I'm really fragile. It really hurts and it sucks being the emotional type. I hear you though.

But I hope it really works out for you and I would hate to see you CTB.

Thanks. I also want to ctb because of my incompetency for just about everything

 

[Joey]

Thanks. I also want to ctb because of my incompetency for just about everything

Mine is because of so many reasons...

It feels like I've just let myself down. Younger version of me would so kick my ass.

 

[Squiddy]

Mine is because of so many reasons...

It feels like I've just let myself down. Younger version of me would so kick my ass.

Same for me too. My younger self had so many plans for me and now things have taken a turn. I never expected myself to be on disability and I want to eventually work, but now's not the right time I feel. Maybe part time, but full time I feel would really make me want to ctb or eventually ctb.

 

[Joey]

Same for me too. My younger self had so many plans for me and now things have taken a turn. I never expected myself to be on disability and I want to eventually work, but now's not the right time I feel. Maybe part time, but full time I feel would really make me want to ctb or eventually ctb.

Take baby steps if you have too and you don't have to get a part-time job right away. There's no shame in that. :)

 

[Squiddy]

Take baby steps if you have too and you don't have to get a part-time job right away. There's no shame in that. :)

Thanks, though my dad is trying to rush me :(

 

[Joey]

Thanks, though my dad is trying to rush me :(

Maaaan if I was there I'd give him some good ol compromising.

Some parents are just ruthless...

 

[Squiddy]

Maaaan if I was there I'd give him some good ol compromising.

Some parents are just ruthless...

Yeah. It sucks :( I wish he would just let me do what I want

 

[Joey]

Yeah. It sucks :( I wish he would just let me do what I want

By the way...thanks for wishing me peace :)

 

[Squiddy]

By the way...thanks for wishing me peace :)

You're welcome :)

I also just realized I'll have to limit my therapy if I do start working :(

 

[Joey]

You're welcome :)

I also just realized I'll have to limit my therapy if I do start working :(

Wait even part time?

 

[Squiddy]

Wait even part time?

Maybe I can somehow get an appointment part time, but full time, I'd probably have to stop as that's 40 hours a week or more

 

[Joey]

Maybe I can somehow get an appointment part time, but full time, I'd probably have to stop as that's 40 hours a week or more

Go with part time :)
@Ame I'm sorry and I couldn't go through with it...

 

[Squiddy]

Go with part time :)
@Ame I'm sorry and I couldn't go through with it...

I'll try to see what my dad says, but if he says full time, I might be fucked

 

[Joey]

I'll try to see what my dad says, but if he says full time, I might be fucked

When do you think the final answer will be?

 

[Squiddy]

When do you think the final answer will be?

He'll probably give it to me immediately and it could determine whether I really start considering ctb or not