I’ve never been normal or fitted into this world

[Phoenix]

I've never felt 'normal' or fitted in. Even when I was a child. I've never been able to build friendships or connections with people. At school from the age of 5 I spent every break hiding down the side of a shed. I've never really had any friends even now as an adult. I just struggle to relate and connect. I can only connect and build bonds with animals. The only friends I did manage to have for a short time were rejects like me. From 7 I was suicidal and self harming. As I grew older it got worse, constantly in trouble at home and at school. I've just never been able to conform. It continued into adulthood and made it impossible for me to keep employment. I've always felt like it was more than just mental health but I don't know what. Can anyone else relate? I've just never really felt like this world is for me, I don't 'fit'.

 

[Crusader]

There are a few words that I agree with. I like animals better than people and allways wanted a dog (Labrador). I wont have a dog in this life anymore. I have been disappointed too many times by people. The world has changed more and more since the end of the 90s. The 90s were still ok. The world is becoming more and more digital. And people are becoming more and more superficial. You can hardly talk to people anymore. Almost everyone only types on their smartphone (I don´t have one!).This is not my world anymore.

 

[demuic]

Yes.

Many people say it's good to be unique, not to fit in, be yourself, etc, but it's a lie.. (and usually the people saying that aren't so different anyway.) Your life will be hell unless you're as much like everybody else as possible. You might be able to stand out in some superficial ways, but ultimately you must conform to the masses.

Even amongst "rejects" they have their own group conformity. If someone can't even fit in with them, you're on your own.

I won't change any aspect of myself to suit others. It's why I've given up on people.

 

[Phoenix]

There are a few words that I agree with. I like animals better than people and allways wanted a dog (Labrador). I wont have a dog in this life anymore. I have been disappointed too many times by people. The world has changed more and more since the end of the 90s. The 90s were still ok. The world is becoming more and more digital. And people are becoming more and more superficial. You can hardly talk to people anymore. Almost everyone only types on their smartphone (I don´t have one!).This is not my world anymore.

Totally agree. The world has become such a horrible superficial place. All people care about now is getting the most likes on their picture. It's not a world I want to be part of

 

[Deathbydemo]

Yes, I absolutely couldn't agree more. There is a part of me that has known my whole life that I didn't quite belong here and I've never been able to pinpoint why or easily explain it to others. I find it incredibly hard to connect with other people and any connections I have made over the years I have since lost. You are definitely not alone.

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

I never wanted to be smart or wise, a martyr or a hero, a villian or a saint. But I've tried it all, I've tried wearing all the masks one has at his disposal, I played all the parts, got carried by every delusion, each time thoroughly convinced that I can make a lie true if I just believe in it. But the only reason I tried to be extraordinary is to fill the gap that prevented me from being normal.
I even tried to be myself. What a waste of everybody's time.

 

[Trisolaris]

I can definitely relate. Since the age of 16 I haven't been normal either and slowly deteriorated.

 

[watchingthewheels]

Yup, I can relate. Welcome to the club.

 

[meetapple]

Yes, I never fitted it and probably never will. I have circumstances that permitted me to get by without working (at least for anyone besides my parents). I feel horribly guilty for not working. I can't imagine how terrible it will be to have to work around people who I am so different than. I avoid people and only go out to do things I have to do like medical appointments. My time is spent thinking about what I have to do to meet my conformity requirements even to the point of what I should think.