Venting I've arrived at the end.

[TheBox]

Hi everyone. I never thought I'd end up on a forum such as this, but, here I am.

Every day since I was 15 has been a constant struggle. Abundant anxiety, Dysthymia (PDD they call it now, apparently). Despite this, I was able to make it through college, get a job. Barely. CBT worked when I had hope.

Within the past 4 months, I've been laid off from my job, my partner of 3 years left me for someone else, I have no money, and I'm losing my mind. I had been on a downhill slope for the past 2 years, but these events have pushed me farther than I've ever been pushed. Sometimes I just feel like I need someone to support me, but, family isn't around and so called friends couldn't possibly understand. I'm stuck, and I can't see a future anymore.

Two weeks ago, I sat in my car at 3AM, put a loaded firearm in my mouth, finger on the trigger, safety off, and I couldn't pull the trigger fully. I'm still upset with myself beyond belief. This time, I have a plan. My birthday is on Thursday, and that's a better day than any, right?

Thank you for reading my ramblings. I wish you all happiness, wherever you end up.

 

[Close_to_freedom]

Because of the lockdown?

 

[TheBox]

Because of the lockdown?

In regards to being laid off, yes. My mind knows there's nothing I could've done about it. It still feels like my fault. I could've been more valuable, done more. I don't know.

 

[KLUF]

If you have a firearm then you might be interested in this thread https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...tb-tonight-please-dont-be-sad-or-sorry.40616/

 

[TheBox]

In regards to being laid off, yes. My mind knows there's nothing I could've done about it. It still feels like my fault. I could've been more valuable, done more. I don't know.

That's a very good thread. I've done my research and have a plan. Thank you for the link.

 

[MeriDeath]

I wish you a happy birthday in advance. And I'm sorry it has come to this. But if that's what you really want, kinda funny but I would rather you to follow your heart than stay here. Much love

 

[TheBox]

I wish you a happy birthday in advance. And I'm sorry it has come to this. But if that's what you really want, kinda funny but I would rather you to follow your heart than stay here. Much love ❤❤

Thank you. In some ways, my mind is fighting with me about the decision, but then I come to my senses. If I back out, I know that it's okay. This is a choice I need to make. Much love to you as well. <3

 

[Brokenwithbpd]

Hi everyone. I never thought I'd end up on a forum such as this, but, here I am.

Every day since I was 15 has been a constant struggle. Abundant anxiety, Dysthymia (PDD they call it now, apparently). Despite this, I was able to make it through college, get a job. Barely. CBT worked when I had hope.

Within the past 4 months, I've been laid off from my job, my partner of 3 years left me for someone else, I have no money, and I'm losing my mind. I had been on a downhill slope for the past 2 years, but these events have pushed me farther than I've ever been pushed. Sometimes I just feel like I need someone to support me, but, family isn't around and so called friends couldn't possibly understand. I'm stuck, and I can't see a future anymore.

Two weeks ago, I sat in my car at 3AM, put a loaded firearm in my mouth, finger on the trigger, safety off, and I couldn't pull the trigger fully. I'm still upset with myself beyond belief. This time, I have a plan. My birthday is on Thursday, and that's a better day than any, right?

Thank you for reading my ramblings. I wish you all happiness, wherever you end up.

What if maybe you found someone else? Not that partners fix things, but if your upset about your partner leaving, maybe you'll find someone even better

 

[TheBox]

What if maybe you found someone else?

The odds of that are extremely slim, nigh impossible. You never know though. It's something to think about. I hate being lonely, that's for sure.

 

[MeriDeath]

Thank you. In some ways, my mind is fighting with me about the decision, but then I come to my senses. If I back out, I know that it's okay. This is a choice I need to make. Much love to you as well. <3

You can always back out. I'm not saying life is precious but I think you need to think about it thoroughly, if there's really nothing that can work out for you, if there's really no hope left, no friends,no parents or something that will ever make you happy. Think about it

 

[TowerUpright]

It really sounds like life dealt you something awful. I hope you can get some peace. Preferably with a new job, psychological peace, and do on. But, if not, I wish you a peaceful trip.

 

[Brokenwithbpd]

The odds of that are extremely slim, nigh impossible. You never know though. It's something to think about. I hate being lonely, that's for sure.

I would wait to see. Go on dating websites. It passes the time well

 

[ebt88]

I guess it's not that easy to shoot oneself. Maybe if you keep trying you eventually succeed