I've been meaning to cut out everything that makes me miserable in my life, and the only feasible way I can think of is SH. If a CTB comes out of it, I'm all for it, but my only intent as of now is to be medicalized in an environment that doesn't make me constantly depressed. I've been diagnosed with depression when I was only 6 years old, and I remember the feeling of dread and longing to CTB. Since then my life has been okay, up until about two years ago now. I've been meaning to CTB ever since the feelings I felt way back then have been recirculating, but whether it be that I'm too scared or don't really want to die, I'm unsure, but I know I can at least do SH to distract me from my internal pain and put me in a better position mentally, hopefully. To those who have been medicalized/institutionalized from their SH without the full intent of CTB, I ask, was it worth it? Reflecting on it, would you had prefer to do a full CTB instead?
