Ambivalent1
🎵 Be all, end all 🎵
- Apr 17, 2023
- 3,279
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If you haven't yet, we highly encourage you to check out our Recovery Resources thread!
CuriosityAndCat
Nothing is true. Everything is permitted.
- Nov 2, 2023
- 311
It makes sense if you're just going to get retraumatized. My psychologist has said this to me before
Pluto
Meowing to go out
- Dec 27, 2020
- 3,845
Yes, trying to recover from abuse while still living with abusers is like filling a bucket with a hole.
Generally yes, to heal trauma you need a safe space.
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Ambivalent1
🎵 Be all, end all 🎵
- Apr 17, 2023
- 3,279
lita-lassi
let me spell it out for you: go to hell
- Sep 25, 2023
- 565
i was still living with my abuser while talking to several professionals about how to recover/ move on/feel better with life in general and the diagnosis between the 3 was unanimous: i wasnt going to get better if the environment didnt. he violently made sure i, it and he wouldnt get any better no matter what. i drew up safe reasonable boundaries and he absolutely refused to honor them and everything to do with me being sober, independent or having a social life outside of himself was an attack on him or me "taking advantage" or lying, whatever narrative suited his ability to keep me trapped and feeling like worthless garbage he could keep around to make himself feel better.
i know this is my personal experience but from what i understand, this is extremely normal near textbook behavior for narcissistic abusers in general. Unless someone is with a FORMERLY abusive someone (no longer an abuser) that will ACTUALLY own up, reconcile, grant them space, independence, freedom from trauma and has the ability to actively assist in their growth, it is highly highly unlikely any progress will be made on the part of the abused. they need to become an entirely new person to survive around but abusers are not going to put in the work to change because they get something out of that dynamic and any power shift is a threat to them. my advice? get help from anyone you can, leave. leave your things if you have to, dont look back, get somewhere safe. your life is more important than stroking their awful ego. i thought i was stuck too. dont underestimate peoples willingness to help with small things like transit, a hotel room, a couch, a few dollars for food. there are support networks for victims of domestic violence. its never easy and likely never will be but the difference between sleeping somewhere actually safe and hiding in a closet from someone hoping they will leave you alone is the biggest sense of relief i think anyone can fathom.
i know this is my personal experience but from what i understand, this is extremely normal near textbook behavior for narcissistic abusers in general. Unless someone is with a FORMERLY abusive someone (no longer an abuser) that will ACTUALLY own up, reconcile, grant them space, independence, freedom from trauma and has the ability to actively assist in their growth, it is highly highly unlikely any progress will be made on the part of the abused. they need to become an entirely new person to survive around but abusers are not going to put in the work to change because they get something out of that dynamic and any power shift is a threat to them. my advice? get help from anyone you can, leave. leave your things if you have to, dont look back, get somewhere safe. your life is more important than stroking their awful ego. i thought i was stuck too. dont underestimate peoples willingness to help with small things like transit, a hotel room, a couch, a few dollars for food. there are support networks for victims of domestic violence. its never easy and likely never will be but the difference between sleeping somewhere actually safe and hiding in a closet from someone hoping they will leave you alone is the biggest sense of relief i think anyone can fathom.
