Help Is It Normal To Be Scared?

[OutOfThisBody]

I woke up this morning and it hit me that my life would end soon, and the idea of losing all senses and perception of the world suddenly scared me a bit. Is this a common reaction?

 

[CompressedAtoms]

Yeah.

By instinct your brain will get self preservative and not want to actually die if you're relatively stable since it always sound better in theory. This is a big factor in why people get cold feet right before they're about to ctb.

Though, look into whether you have suicidal thoughts or suicidal ideation."I want to kill myself and in danger of doing so if I have proper tools" or "I don't wanna wake up. I wish I was never born. I wish I never existed."

 

[meltskelt]

omg I was just starting to write the same thing just now.

I think the big problem is that we barely know anything about the after death part... So all we have is the sensation of the void, the idea that once you actually ctb there won't be anything anymore. It could be way better than life actually, but it is ok to feel scared as we tend to prefer things we already know

Yeah.

By instinct your brain will get self preservative and not want to actually die if you're relatively stable since it always sound better in theory. This is a big factor in why people get cold feet right before they're about to ctb.

Though, look into whether you have suicidal thoughts or suicidal ideation."I want to kill myself and in danger of doing so if I have proper tools" or "I don't wanna wake up. I wish I was never born. I wish I never existed."

ugh, it is complicated, like, I already have SN and all but it is still kind of scary to actually accept you will no longer be there. Maybe because w were always taught to live even when you don't want to

 

[Reflection]

Yes, when it started to set in I became scared shitless, literally shivering at times...but the fact that it hasn't made me reconsider is enough proof to me that it has to be done, because I do not wish to continue living in my pain.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I guess it's normal for people but, for me, the idea of losing all senses and perception of the world is blissful and beautiful to me instead of it being scary

 

[OutOfThisBody]

Yeah.

By instinct your brain will get self preservative and not want to actually die if you're relatively stable since it always sound better in theory. This is a big factor in why people get cold feet right before they're about to ctb.

Though, look into whether you have suicidal thoughts or suicidal ideation."I want to kill myself and in danger of doing so if I have proper tools" or "I don't wanna wake up. I wish I was never born. I wish I never existed."

I have got SN, I've got a plan, and I'm collecting the right substances for the method. Idk if that means its thoughts or ideation or whatever. I'm not thrilled to die emotionally, but mentally I know I have to. Sometimes it is reassuring, when I'm crying I start to smile when I remember my plan for ending my life in a couple of weeks; it soothes my emotional pain.

I know the issue that makes me want to kill myself is unchangeable, and I truly feel the only way out of it is to leave life behind. I just have to muster the courage.

Something weird is as a kid ~12 years old I used to think I would want to die if in heaven you can just chill and watch youtube videos lol.

 

[Trav1989]

I woke up this morning and it hit me that my life would end soon, and the idea of losing all senses and perception of the world suddenly scared me a bit. Is this a common reaction?

Very normal, I am not afraid of dying/death per say but I am afraid of being found too early and waking up in a hospital bed. I have SN as well and NEED it to be successful because I've been through far too much in this life and I can't go through with it much longer. I also have fears related to those I love who I will leave behind and that is probably the worst part of it all.

I know that if I had nobody close to me in my life I'd likely find it extremely easy to CTB but despite the world as whole being extremely rough on me a handful of people have been there for me through thick and thin and I know I've been there for them as well so that makes it very challenging to take the plunge to CTB.

I've written a novel worth of words in my goodbye letter, possibly two.

Also, knowing that there is the high possibility for love on the horizon makes it challenging to go through with CTB as well, but knowing my track record with such I am extremely hesitant as I know how I can mess things up by being far too open with others about my feelings towards this existence.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Yeah, that's pretty normal. It's a mixture of your SI along with the fear of the unknown. We instinctively don't like things that we are uncertain about, which is what motivates us to learn about the world around us, trying to explain everything that goes on. We dislike uncertainty. Our brains are in a constant game of trying to predict what could happen next. We innately want to be able to prepare ourselves for anything. Death is terrifying because it's this inevitable thing that could happen unexpectedly and that we don't know much about it, experience-wise. It's something you usually can't prepare yourself for.

I want to die, but a part of me fears it too. The only time in which I find I can fully accept death for what it is is when I'm high. Death isn't a bad thing and I'd choose it over immortality any day, but it can be scary on an instinctual level. It doesn't help that, besides the innate parts of you that tell you to fear it, you also have wider society who demonized it. We don't teach people to accept death as a normal part of life, something that is inherently neutral. Instead, we teach people that we should treat it as a bad thing. I think it only exacerbates the already terrifying nature of it.

A part of me wants to try going through ego death in the hopes that it'll help out with this. I don't like fearing death and when I finally ctb I want to be able to do so while completely relaxed.

 

[divinemistress36]

Yeah, that's pretty normal. It's a mixture of your SI along with the fear of the unknown. We instinctively don't like things that we are uncertain about, which is what motivates us to learn about the world around us, trying to explain everything that goes on. We dislike uncertainty. Our brains are in a constant game of trying to predict what could happen next. We innately want to be able to prepare ourselves for anything. Death is terrifying because it's this inevitable thing that could happen unexpectedly and that we don't know much about it, experience-wise. It's something you usually can't prepare yourself for.

I want to die, but a part of me fears it too. The only time in which I find I can fully accept death for what it is is when I'm high. Death isn't a bad thing and I'd choose it over immortality any day, but it can be scary on an instinctual level. It doesn't help that, besides the innate parts of you that tell you to fear it, you also have wider society who demonized it. We don't teach people to accept death as a normal part of life, something that is inherently neutral. Instead, we teach people that we should treat it as a bad thing. I think it only exacerbates the already terrifying nature of it.

A part of me wants to try going through ego death in the hopes that it'll help out with this. I don't like fearing death and when I finally ctb I want to be able to do so while completely relaxed.

Psychadelics

 

[losingsteam3141]

Yes. Sometimes I feel ready to go. I have a gun and all I need to do is load a bullet in and pull the trigger. However, deep down I don't want to die and I'm terrified of the possibility of ctb. I often wake up in terror because its such a real possibility for me.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Psychadelics

Yeah, pretty much.

 

[divinemistress36]

Yeah, pretty much.

I thought I was dead and in another dimension on ketamine.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I thought I was dead and in another dimension on ketamine.

Oh, that's interesting. I've never tried ketamine before. I heard that there are cases of people peeing blood because of it. Do you see things, like fractal patterns, when on it or does that only apply to classical psychedelics? I'm probably going to buy a whole bunch of Penis Envy and try doing it sometime during winter break.

 

[divinemistress36]

Oh, that's interesting. I've never tried ketamine before. I heard that there are cases of people peeing blood because of it. Do you see things, like fractal patterns, when on it or does that only apply to classical psychedelics? I'm probably going to buy a whole bunch of Penis Envy and try doing it sometime during winter break.

Yes I saw shapes and I felt like I was apart of everyone that we were all one and no sense of self like an ego death I would think I was in my bedroom but really I was at the ketamine clinic and then other times I thought I was space and kept thinking ok im dead this isnt scary or beautiful just very bizzare. Penis envy is very strong , Ive only microdosed it and it made me emotional brings the trauma to the surface

 

[landslide2]

Oh, that's interesting. I've never tried ketamine before. I heard that there are cases of people peeing blood because of it. Do you see things, like fractal patterns, when on it or does that only apply to classical psychedelics? I'm probably going to buy a whole bunch of Penis Envy and try doing it sometime during winter break.

Ketamine and psychedelics are very different, ketamine is more dissociative. It puts you in a place, a state of being where you're able to extricate yourself from all the stresses that come from living, from life. I would find myself in a warm emptiness, words stop making sense, everything feels meta, everything kinda disintegrates but not in a scary way. I would sometimes wonder if i could make myself stop breathing as the sense of time is warped, felt like a warm death. Whereas shrooms tend to make you feel more connected to whatever environment you're in and you're state of mind can affect your trip more.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Ketamine and psychedelics are very different, ketamine is more dissociative. It puts you in a place, a state of being where you're able to extricate yourself from all the stresses that come from living, from life. I would find myself in a warm emptiness, words stop making sense, everything feels meta, everything kinda disintegrates but not in a scary way. I would sometimes wonder if i could make myself stop breathing as the sense of time is warped, felt like a warm death. Whereas shrooms tend to make you feel more connected to whatever environment you're in and you're state of mind can affect your trip more.

Ketamine is technically considered to be a non-classical psychedelic, meaning that derives its effects through different mechanisms instead of coming primarily through acting on the 5-TH2 receptors. It's also categorized as a dissociative.

Spoiler

Classical psychedelics such as lysergic acid diethylamide (LSD) are thought to exert their subjective effects primarily through the serotonergic 5-HT2 receptor. There are related drugs such as ketamine, an NMDA receptor antagonist, which does not act primarily on 5-HT2 receptors but, like classical psychedelics, induces similar phenomenology (Studerus et al., 2010), increases neurophysiologic complexity (Li and Mashour, 2019; Schartner et al., 2017), depresses posterior cortical alpha oscillations (Vlisides et al., 2018), expands the repertoire of functional brain connectivity states Li et al., 2022), induces neuroplasticity (Phoumthipphavong et al., 2016), and has anti-depressant effects (Berman et al., 2000).

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1053811923002434

I'm aware that the effects would likely be more dissociative, but I don't know much about what it's like outside of that. I'm not that interested in using ketamine, or dissociatives in general, so I never bothered to look that much into it. The only non-classical psychedelic that I find myself somewhat interested in trying is MDMA, but even then I haven't done much research on it.

Also, I've done shrooms before so I'm well aware of what they are like, lol (my first trip was a fucking disaster but most of my other ones were fine). Sounds very different from shrooms.

 

[scottvogel]

Yes, it is normal. I am CTB tomorrow and I'm scared shitless. But it's too late to back down now. I am VERY scared, but it'll be over within ten seconds, so that helps. Just think happy thoughts and push the fear aside.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Yes I saw shapes and I felt like I was apart of everyone that we were all one and no sense of self like an ego death I would think I was in my bedroom but really I was at the ketamine clinic and then other times I thought I was space and kept thinking ok im dead this isnt scary or beautiful just very bizzare. Penis envy is very strong , Ive only microdosed it and it made me emotional brings the trauma to the surface

Oh, that's interesting.

I also like Penis Envy because it's strong. It's really fun to trip on. The only other strain I've tried before is Alc Squat.

 

[landslide2]

Ketamine is technically considered to be a non-classical psychedelic, meaning that derives its effects through different mechanisms instead of coming primarily through acting on the 5-TH2 receptors. It's also categorized as a dissociative.

Spoiler

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1053811923002434

I'm aware that the effects would likely be more dissociative, but I don't know much about what it's like outside of that. I'm not that interested in using ketamine, or dissociatives in general, so I never bothered to look that much into it. The only non-classical psychedelic that I find myself somewhat interested in trying is MDMA, but even then I haven't done much research on it.

Also, I've done shrooms before so I'm well aware of what they are like, lol (my first trip was a fucking disaster but most of my other ones were fine). Sounds very different from shrooms.

As the saying goes, you'll never forget the first time you do MDMA. I didn't like the low, the hangover that tends to come with it (serotonin depletion). But everything felt good, warm and fuzzy. Great for a night out dancing.
MDMA was being tested as a treatment for ptsd but FDA rejected it. They want more studies proving efficacy.

Yes I saw shapes and I felt like I was apart of everyone that we were all one and no sense of self like an ego death I would think I was in my bedroom but really I was at the ketamine clinic and then other times I thought I was space and kept thinking ok im dead this isnt scary or beautiful just very bizzare. Penis envy is very strong , Ive only microdosed it and it made me emotional brings the trauma to the surface

I've also cried my eyes out especially when I first started ketamine treatments. And many times also felt love during that ego death like state. A very unconditional, like love is all that matters kind of feeling which was wonderful. Unfortunately it doesn't work like it used to anymore. Which is what I've heard from other people who've done the treatment. I don't know if it's a tolerance thing or what. I really pushed the dosage too but alas much less effective. But I would recommend trying the treatment to anyone who hasn't done it before.

 

[divinemistress36]

Oh, that's interesting.

I also like Penis Envy because it's strong. It's really fun to trip on. The only other strain I've tried before is Alc Squat.

If I wasnt on an antidepressant Id do dmt