Help is it even worth it?

[iinternetangel]

my first post I think, was about losing the love my life. he wasn't now, I see that I suppose. but still. he felt pure to me. maybe I'm still mad he left me when he promised he'd never- I dont want him anymore, I've found someone else, but.. I dont know if I want to be with him. I'm violently in-love with him, but I get scared sometimes. he's, and I know this sounds bad, but he's a nazi and a racist. I'm not. I never could be. I believe in equality. im mixed aswell, not fully white, I'm three races he finds vile, but says im one of the good ones, and that makes it worth it, right? being his favorite is what matters most to me. it could always be worse, right? I dont know. I go by multiple pronouns because I dont care what people refer to me as but, a week ago, maybe two, he begged me to use one because it was 'an embarrassment' to him, as his friend (who's also racist,) kept bullying him and calling me an annoying woke, aswell as a offensive term for my race Iguess. I love him a lot. in my eyes, it's okay, because at least he loves me. he made a joke about me de-transitioning, and I'm a bit afraid he genuinely wants me to. I went through with using one pronoun for him, I'm just scared he'll ask for more. does he even love me, or does he love a concept of me in his head, that he wants to change me into? I'm afraid,. if I leave him, I have no one else. he's the only person I talk to because I dont have any other friends. does he just want to change me so he can 'love' me? what do I do? is this even worth it? does he really love me? what do you guys think. sorry if I tagged this wrong.

 

[Forever Sleep]

From what you've said, I think you could be very good for him in trying to make him less prejudiced. I don't think prejudice helps us in the end. Honestly though, a lot of his behaviour would throw up red flags for me. I don't think I personally would want to be with any friend or partner who expected or wanted me to be different than who I am. If they actually feel ashamed of me then- that's a massive problem. (For me.) I already feel insecure about certain things on my own. I'd want to be with someone who made me feel ok to be me. More than that- who were aware of my insecurities and supported me with them.

That said- I have no experience at all of being in a relationship so, I shouldn't really comment. You have to work out whether it's worth it ultimately.

I can see it from both sides. The whole: 'I'll never meet anyone again' thing. I think I've felt it at times- when I was in the midst of my (awful) limerent phases. But, it's curious really, when it comes from people who have dated more than one person. Obviously- after the initial love interest (who you maybe thought was the only one,) you did find someone else. What makes you so sure it won't happen again? I suspect it's mostly the loyalty we feel towards the current person maybe. In any respect though, I hope you can find a way to be happy with a decision.