In a problem.

[Dizzy_Dreams]

I'm not a function able person. I see no reason in living. I don't enjoy living. I'm very unhealthy. I have no direction for life and nothing I want to do or become. The only thing I have is my boyfriend and my dog but my boyfriend has said he doesn't want to take care of me my whole life and that I need to do for me and cope better and that he's not in it to take care of me his dad is tired of me.

I just don't want to live. I came from a messed up family, I don't know the world, I'm very shy and taking care of myself is very hard.

everyone is sick of it they tell me I need to get better and that I can't drag others down.

my boyfriend is the only person I've ever been with or trusted but I guess I'm being toxic.

I was back at my parents for a little while when I tried therapy the first time and I had bought sodium nitrite thinking I'd never see my boyfriend again.

We are back together but I'm not doing any better and I don't want to live anymore. There's no point I'm a broken bitter woman that's never lived in real reality.

So now I'm with him and his dad has even told me that if I can't get my shit together and progress then to leave and that I can't cause other people stress and that if other people knew what I was causing they would be furious and even made minor threats.

I don't see a point in going back to my parents just to get the sodium nitrite and id also feel bad about committing suicide there despite having issues with my family.

I was thinking about reordering it and getting what I needed and going to a nearby motel and doing it but getting the stuff delivered here would be hard so everything is tough.

Does anyone have any suggestions? I'm ready to go.. I don't want to be here anymore I'm mostly just scared of actually having to say goodbye to my boyfriend and having actually doing it and also I'm scared of what comes after death.

 

[May]

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sorry. Hope you feel better soon.