I'm so sick of living but so scared of killing myself

[Jer1188]

It's been 2 years since i last had a job. I had to take some cash from my 14 year old brother so i can take a cab to an interview a few days ago and i just found out i didn't get it.
There's nothing for me here anymore and i can't keep living like this, it makes me physically ill but I'm so afraid of suicide, how can i be more brave? How can people ever be brave to do it? There's a million thing could go wrong and i just can't

 

[miserableforever]

Right? I'm sitting here and I'm so desperate. Every day hurts, every day certain people treat me like a doormat. It's unbearable and Id love to be able to just get it over with. I was betrayed by my family and my ex and I can't rebuild this life so easily.

 

[Rayzieka]

Don't focus on being brave I guess, because being brave is for a special type of person and that can be bad or good depending on how.
Maybe just try and float through it and accept all the accidents until you truly have no more options and decide what you actually want.
If there's still a thread to hold onto you might as well do it because leaving is the last thing you can do and last thing you should do imo.
It sounds hard but if you can shut yourself off while you're still living you can get through a lot and just roll with the punches, what I'm trying to say in total is just don't catch the bus if you arent ready. Cause being brave isn't going to pull the trigger in most cases. And maybe it shouldn't be.

 

[Pookie]

I want to die in my bed at home where I'm at my most comfortable. I've lived 8 years of chronic pain and relentless discomfort, is it too much to ask to die in a relatively comfortable manner? I've suffered enough and to be forced to choose a method where I'll suffer even more, even if it's just for 5 minutes puts me off.

But I suppose if it came to it, 5 minutes of suffering before eternal peace is nothing compared to a lifetime of mental and physical pain. All I know is that those 5 minutes will probably feel like an eternity.

I just wish I could die like Marilyn Monroe; you know, drink some alcohol, swallow a bunch of barbiturates and die in my sleep.

 

[the_final_countdown]

I want to die in my bed at home where I'm at my most comfortable. I've lived 8 years of chronic pain and relentless discomfort, is it too much to ask to die in a relatively comfortable manner? I've suffered enough and to be forced to choose a method where I'll suffer even more, even if it's just for 5 minutes puts me off.

But I suppose if it came to it, 5 minutes of suffering before eternal peace is nothing compared to a lifetime of mental and physical pain. All I know is that those 5 minutes will probably feel like an eternity.

I just wish I could die like Marilyn Monroe; you know, drink some alcohol, swallow a bunch of barbiturates and die in my sleep.

I know the feeling. It's not wrong to want to rest..I worked hard all my life but my health deteriorated. I'd like to rest now.

 

[heretogethelp]

It's been 2 years since i last had a job. I had to take some cash from my 14 year old brother so i can take a cab to an interview a few days ago and i just found out i didn't get it.
There's nothing for me here anymore and i can't keep living like this, it makes me physically ill but I'm so afraid of suicide, how can i be more brave? How can people ever be brave to do it? There's a million thing could go wrong and i just can't

I have the exact same problem. I wish I could tell you it gets better. Unfortunately, it doesn't. The best thing you can do is sleep regularly and find ways to distract yourself.

 

[FuneralCry]

I feel the same way. It is the one thing that is holding me back. It actually is really hard to take our own lives because our brains are programmed for survival which means that various methods are hard to undertake. So many things can go wrong, such as getting permanent damage. One has to be desperate really. We didn't ask to be alive, so we should get a right to die. There should be peaceful methods if we want one, nobody should be forced to suffer. The idea of an eternal sleep sounds so nice.

 

[WornOutLife]

I'm so sorry you're going through this.
If you're scared or simply not ready to ctb, DON'T!!!!!!! The consequences of failing will only make your life worse.

Just keep on looking for jobs. Something will pop up sooner or later. You could even develop a new skill such as programming by watching videos on YouTube.

Hope you can sort this out somehow.

Hugs and love,

Matt