NSFW I'm so fucking disgusting

[https]

I've lost track of time. I've been addicted to porn for 6 years or more. I hate how I can't control myself. I hate it so fucking much. Why do I stop doing things I enjoy just to masturbate? It doesn't even feel good anymore. It's horrible. I feel disgusting. I hate how deep I've gotten into it. I hate the stuff I masturbate to. I don't recognize myself. I do it 3 to 4 times a day, every day. Can you believe it? That's about 90-120 times a month, 1095-1460 times a year. Why? Why can't I stop? I don't like it. I don't feel any pleasure from it anymore. It feels more like a chore than a relief. I would rather be addicted to alcohol or drugs at this point. That way I could be at least killing myself slowly while enjoying it. I hate myself for this. Why can't I be normal? If I had spent all the time I wasted on this addiction doing something else, I could've become a decent human being. This is a disgrace. I'm a disgrace. I wish I could end it all as soon as possible.

"I'm disgusting" → feeling terrible → using porn again to escape → feeling even worse.

No matter how much I hate it, the cycle just continues...

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

Yeah, it's awful. I feel like my use is relatively vanilla and moderate, but it's still been thousands of times. Can't be good for your mind. I got weird in different ways during my long periods of abstaining, but it felt better. Just don't have the willpower usually.