toxicjester
The world’s worst jester
- Dec 11, 2023
- 56
There's still so many logistical things I need to figure out for my ctb. I wanted to do CO with charcoals but it seems like there's so many failed attempts. SN seems like the preferred method but seeing the experiences people have had with throwing up and feeling nauseous n stuff scares me.
And then the big thing, I don't want to be alone.
I feel like I've had to be alone so much in my life. And I always told myself that I was born alone and that I'd die alone. But I'm so so scared of being alone even in my waking life. I've already lost the few amount of friends I've had. And it feels like everyday my relationship gets closer to ending, or worse.
For my ctb I'm gonna be cuddling a big seal plush, and recently I found one online that I think is exactly what I want, although it's almost $100. I think that would help my feeling of loneliness a little, along with listening to music, but I still feel like it's way different than having someone with you. I just don't know how you'd do that realistically in a way that doesn't hurt the person.
I don't know. I'm scared. I feel like a broken record saying this shit in like all of my posts but I want my mama
And then the big thing, I don't want to be alone.
I feel like I've had to be alone so much in my life. And I always told myself that I was born alone and that I'd die alone. But I'm so so scared of being alone even in my waking life. I've already lost the few amount of friends I've had. And it feels like everyday my relationship gets closer to ending, or worse.
For my ctb I'm gonna be cuddling a big seal plush, and recently I found one online that I think is exactly what I want, although it's almost $100. I think that would help my feeling of loneliness a little, along with listening to music, but I still feel like it's way different than having someone with you. I just don't know how you'd do that realistically in a way that doesn't hurt the person.
I don't know. I'm scared. I feel like a broken record saying this shit in like all of my posts but I want my mama
