sunsetintehwoods
Same rules apply
- Feb 22, 2021
- 128
This will be the text passed through Google translate, maybe even more understandable than my usual one.
For the past few days I have been preparing the apartment for my departure. 8 times I took out all the trash that had accumulated due to my depression. Moved all my belongings into storage for the next three months in case someone needed them. I left a letter on USB-stick in the apartment for the police to pass it on to my family.
Today I started my fasting and am going through a two day regimen. The last meal, by the way, was a huge basket of spicy KFC chicken. Yam.
I have everything I need ready and maybe even more. Only there is no plan B:
Probably disconnect the connection on the phone.
I will spend the last day with music and meditation.
I see three variants of event ending:
I am looking at my gravestone. And there is no fear here. Only regret that I have to leave a few people. The good news is that no one depends on me. On the other hand, I know that I will do worse if I continue to cling to a life that I probably could not love in all its diversity. Because I couldn't love myself. And because of this, loved ones often suffer. At least I have to figure it out.
There is no fear as long as I know that when the electrochemical processes in my brain are over, I will disappear as a person. Not only will I return to my beloved nothingness, with the hopes of being reborn as a tree, but I will simply stop being. My cast that will remain of me will wash away as quickly as footprints in the sand.
Life really doesn't make sense. And it seems to me not even worth looking for meaning, except for just doing the very process of life. Just love her and be prepared to quit. Something like.
And if there is at least some god, the first thing I say to him is - ain't that a bitch, finally!
It is still difficult for me to describe the reasons why I decided to leave now. But for the past few years, I have been firmly on my way to death and self-denial. Since I realized this, there has been no turning back. now I just want to be honest with myself, others and with life itself. I think this is due to some kind of childish edgy categoricality that I would like to keep in myself.
Zarathustra said that everyone can choose when it is time to leave. I'll go check if I think it is correct. After all, all I have left is freedom of choice.
I would like to thank all of you, you just incredible. I came here when I already roughly understood what I wanted and after spending time here I became so comfy and deterministic. But I see guys, u worth ministry of mental health care from couple of countries truly and saves lives that want to be lived.
Anton. Sending e-hugs.
For the past few days I have been preparing the apartment for my departure. 8 times I took out all the trash that had accumulated due to my depression. Moved all my belongings into storage for the next three months in case someone needed them. I left a letter on USB-stick in the apartment for the police to pass it on to my family.
Today I started my fasting and am going through a two day regimen. The last meal, by the way, was a huge basket of spicy KFC chicken. Yam.
I have everything I need ready and maybe even more. Only there is no plan B:
- 3 bottles of mix SN 50ml \ 25gr
- Beta blockers
- Antimethics
- Antacids
- Pain killers
- And tranquilizers in case
Probably disconnect the connection on the phone.
I will spend the last day with music and meditation.
I see three variants of event ending:
- Everything will go according to plan and tomorrow I'll be dead
- My instinct for self-preservation will kicks in and I will flee to psych ward for the next few months or years (and I will read all the books there)
- Something will go wrong and I will slowly die in nature / will be bedridden
There is no fear as long as I know that when the electrochemical processes in my brain are over, I will disappear as a person. Not only will I return to my beloved nothingness, with the hopes of being reborn as a tree, but I will simply stop being. My cast that will remain of me will wash away as quickly as footprints in the sand.
Life really doesn't make sense. And it seems to me not even worth looking for meaning, except for just doing the very process of life. Just love her and be prepared to quit. Something like.
And if there is at least some god, the first thing I say to him is - ain't that a bitch, finally!
It is still difficult for me to describe the reasons why I decided to leave now. But for the past few years, I have been firmly on my way to death and self-denial. Since I realized this, there has been no turning back. now I just want to be honest with myself, others and with life itself. I think this is due to some kind of childish edgy categoricality that I would like to keep in myself.
Zarathustra said that everyone can choose when it is time to leave. I'll go check if I think it is correct. After all, all I have left is freedom of choice.
I would like to thank all of you, you just incredible. I came here when I already roughly understood what I wanted and after spending time here I became so comfy and deterministic. But I see guys, u worth ministry of mental health care from couple of countries truly and saves lives that want to be lived.
Anton. Sending e-hugs.
