Venting I'm in a hotel room trying to decide if I want to CTB or not

[Nitro07]

I've been working towards this moments for years, and all of a sudden every cell in my body tells me I need to give life another chance.

Let me introduce myself first. I'm Nitro07 (btw, not my real name.. in case you didn't know!), male, late 20s. I made this account back in October 2018. Back then I was already fighting my depression and suicidal thoughts for about 8-9 years, but I never really made plans to actually commit. That changed when I found out about all the different methods, including the exit-bag. Hence the name.

Anyway, I don't want my family to find me so I wanted to CTB in a hotel room. But there's no way to use that method unnoticed so I'm going with partial suspension. I have everything set up and it's ready to go. I'm trying to muster the courage to actually do it. All of a sudden I'm seeing positives in my life. Where the hell has that been all these years? Anyone else had this problem? I'm really struggling. On one hand I really don't want to die, on the other hand I'm too fucking tired go on.

I'm trying to get drunk in order to overcome my SI. Not sure if it'll work.

 

[Living sucks]

Then listen to every cell in your body.
i had doubt about a medical procedure but i didn't listen to my instincts telling me it was not right..and that is what destroyed my life leading to the horror I'm in now causing me to ctb.. listen to the doubt.

 

[Taktik]

Hi, you should listen to your body , its trying too tell you something, if you dont feel like doing it, dont do it, i Believe that when you make this decision you should be at peace with it and with yourself. There shouldnt be any doubt.

You can always do it another time, dont need to force it.

Hope you will wait until you will feel ready. Stay safe.

 

[xLosthopex]

If there's any doubt in your mind you shouldn't do it, in my opinion
Deciding to CTB is, obviously, a permanent decision so you'd want to be absolutely certain

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

This may be too late, but I agree with everything that's been said here so far. There's no shame in backing out. I was in a hotel room and couldn't go through with it. It wasn't the right time. If the time is right, it will feel right.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

There's never any obligation to do anything here. We'll be supportive no matter what decision you make, so don't push yourself.