if you were to name a time in life where you knew nothing would ever get better, what would it be?

[scubadam]

question as the title, im curious about your stories

 

[Ramsay Fiction]

I suppose that's now. The older I get the less ignorant I become and the more I realize what's wrong with both myself and my entire life. It really doesn't matter what changes now, nothing is ever going to get better.

 

[lifeisactualtorture]

34 years ago

 

[Forever Sleep]

I was actually still hopeful and actively trying to change things until maybe a couple of years back. (I'm 44.) Even now- it's not impossible that I could work at changing things. It's more that I now have 44 years experience knowing what hard work it is to keep trying. Keep taking risks, literally turn your whole life upside down in the hopes it will work out for the better. My own conclusions are- that it was never worth it! Perhaps because I didn't tackle the underlying issues I have- social anxiety and a crushing self doubt around others. But, I've gotten to the point where I'm just exhausted, lethargic, unmotivated, disillusioned, pessimistic and cynical. It's more comforting to me to stay as I am. Not keep on challenging myself because I don't believe the outcome will be worth it.

So- it's not quite so much that I feel incapable of change. It's more that I don't see enough incentive to keep trying.

 

[lacustra]

When I had to end the relationship I was in, when I realized I was too emotionally unstable even to have friends and that I had absolutely nothing and nobody in this life, with only denial keeping me alive because I was too big a coward that couldn't close his eyes and put his head in the noose.

 

[uglyugly]

My mom's illness and death. My dad getting dementia. Losing my home. Losing the best job I ever had.

None of these things have ever been repaired or forgotten. They are scars I live with.

 

[willitpass]

I was 12 when I first realized that I knew I was going to kill myself. I didn't know when, but I've known it will happen some day since then. I believe it may have even been my 12th birthday I made that realization. At that point I had already been depressed for 3 years and suicidal for 2. That nagging feeling of being destined for suicide has never gone away, even during brief periods of recovery. I don't know how, I don't know what, but it will happen. Currently I have hopes for both how and when, but every time I've had those hopes in the past it's never been successful. I'm feeling confident about this one though. Hopefully this one will be the one to fulfil my prophecy.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I never believed that things would get better. I still don't

 

[badtothebone]

When my son passed away, the minute we found him dead, big part of me died too. I will never be the same and I will never be better.

 

[hopscotch]

when i was 13 and i realized i can't live like this . i started havibg a suspicion when i was 10 and it turned out to be true

 

[DoneWithThisLife]

18 months ago when my family who I loved and trusted, stole my life savings then totally cut me off. At 62 yo there is no 'starting over'. I've had depression/anxiety since my early teens and tried to end things a few times, but this is just the icing on the cake.

 

[assistedsuicidelove]

A few days ago

 

[HarryCobean]

Not wanting to share much more than this really, but 1995.

 

[kyhoti]

Last June. Everything since then has been a quickening slide.

 

[lizzywizzy09]

Mid 20's, when I officially realized how severe and untreatable my condition was.

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case existence was never desirable in the first place, I suffer simply from existing and I find it so painful how I had to exist at all, only ceasing to exist can make things better for me as I believe death to simply be nothingness, peace for me could only lie in never existing again and peace is all I wish for. But of course I wish I never suffered at all, I personally find it such a terrible tragedy to exist, I have no interest in suffering in this cruel and torturous existence, I find it horrific how existence causes all this harm with no limit as to how much one can suffer.

 

[Steff1337]

At around 16 years old.

 

[wCvML2]

at 18 after entering the workforce for the summer before uni I realized that that was all that's left of life and what everything was leading towards - work in order to sustain a nauseating existence I hate - and knew that the only way to escape it was to die. It might be a redundant thing to say but work really does make life lose its appeal.

 

[iloveduster]

I think it was when I was around 12. I tried to fit in more with people my age more but sooner or later I realized that I cannot communicate with others, I'm unneeded by everyone and this pain I'm experiencing won't go away. I was abused by my parents and my exes who thought I was the perfect target. My friends only used me and emotionally drained me and I started isolating myself even more than I did before. After that I was all alone. Besides that I started harming my body in many ways and started seriously thinking about suicide and planning attemps. I had done a lot of messed up things that I wish I didn't but I was constantly stressed and tried to ease the pain by normalizing this lifestyle. Now I know that I really cannot fix anything and I will forever be cursed. I normalized constantly thinking about death and now all I want is to be gone.

 

[hellworldprincess]

Not wanting to share much more than this really, but 1995.

 

[NoName_NoLife]

When i had 14-15 yo. But now is worse. 7 years fight

 

[MrsevenTseven]

Probably 7 or 8. I spent a long time thinking I needed to stick around for my family but, I'm 28 now and I honestly realized that's not true. I'm not that valuable

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

The more I think read research about life reality this world the more i see how evil it is and that I need to get out asap.


I think most people hardly ever question anything. They believe that their beliefs are really then and not implanted by

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

Right now, and most days since I was 6.

 

[ADBoy777]

For me I would say like when I was 17-18

Started lose my trust in friends & girls
I think at this point it all felt like part of a big show for me, illusion like nothing is real

 

[drraculaurra]

Probably when i was about 15, i would not regret anything if i ctb then. Some great things happened then but nothing worth what living feels like.
Nothing happened then i just realised how bad it feels to be alive.

 

[accountnamerequired]

Right now with a progressively deteriorating disease that has no cure

 

[brokeandbroken]

question as the title, im curious about your stories

To be honest now.