idk where to go from here

[abruptum]

Life is nothing right now, i wake to the day just to have my existence filled with the blank space of passing time. I don't have meaning anymore, the things I wish to do I no longer have the will to do. I can't communicate with people how I feel because my conversational skills aren't good enough. I'm just numb and floating through life. My days are mostly me laying in bed daydreaming about offing myself. I know that people will be upset if I do it but I really just cannot see a point in staying alive. It's like torture to my brain to stay alive every day. I've thought about sectioning myself but I don't have the money to do so. I don't want a pity party but I don't know what to do it doesn't seem like life ever gets better and it's reaching a point where the torture of my own mind is making me unfit for normal human activities.
Idk I just don't want to feel this way anymore I just wish it would all stop

 

[Zebedee]

I'm sorry you feel this way, to an extent I can relate. I hope I don't sound patronising or anything, but have you tried talking to a doctor? They may be able to prescribe something to decrease the intensity of those negative thoughts and emotions

 

[blue_muse]

Do you mind me asking how long you've felt like this?

 

[abruptum]

I'm sorry you feel this way, to an extent I can relate. I hope I don't sound patronising or anything, but have you tried talking to a doctor? They may be able to prescribe something to decrease the intensity of those negative thoughts and emotions

psych has tried but my suicidal thoughts go up when i'm on meds and that wasn't the best thing after i attempted 2 times

Do you mind me asking how long you've felt like this?

it's been on and off for about 3 years but since the start of 2021 it has only been bad

 

[BlankUser]

I'm so sorry. What you described is what most of my days feel like. I completely understand you. This existence is torturous. It makes me so angry that we are forced to live against our will, we have to suffer because other people decided so.

 

[WornOutLife]

I wish it would all stop too, my friend.

I'm really doing my best to live so as not to ruin my dad's life but damn, it's so difficult...

Whatever happens, wish you lots of love and peace!

Hugs,

Matt

 

[FuneralCry]

I can relate to this, I see my life as pointless and I dread the thought of living decades like this. I feel like I've already died but i'm still breathing and the sound of a peaceful death is wonderful to me. Nobody deserves the suffering this life gives them. I hope you can find relief.

 

[glad it’s night]

My days are mostly me laying in bed daydreaming about offing myself.

This is exactly me right now.

I sucks because people say "just get up and do something." As if I could. I'm not doing this because it's fun for me.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

Yes this limbo period feels like self inflicted purgatory. Hate living but too scared to die. My existence is a sick joke.

 

[LittleJem]

I've found 30mg of K every other day helps me (found this protocol on Reddit). I don't wake up wanting to die anymore and I have more energy. I am still agitated and neurotic, but I can live with it, unlike the depression before. In the UK the NHS have decided not to offer the Ket nasal spray as the drug companies have made a new version of K so they can charge £10,000 a treatment (I kid you not). But it's £30 a gram on the street.

I'm back on this forum for other reasons. Life just keeps being shit when you have a mental illness.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

I sucks because people say "just get up and do something."

They might be right. Since we are stuck here for the time being (until we ctb) might as well do something in the meantime.

Aside from work I do absolutely nothing. I am too used to laying on the couch all weekend long. Everything feels like a chore to do. On top of having no money to do fun stuff in the first place.

 

[EnnuiCat]

I'm sorry you're going through this. I know exactly what you're feeling. If CTB wasn't so difficult to plan and execute then I would have ended things by now. Just taking a shower and eating when I'm hungry feels too much like a chore rather than something that should be pleasurable.