Venting I would love to die of a different illness

[Josef2000]

What I mean is that I would love to have a sudden heart attack or go into cardiac arrest during the night in my sleep, that way I wouldn't have to plan anything and I wouldn't realise it's going to happen. I think my family would be 'slightly' relieved in some sense that it wasn't by suicide.
Im no longer actively suicidal (since my last attempt I wrote about a month back) however if I fell onto the road and a lorry was coming I don't think I would get out of the way.
I used to self harm which helped a bit dealing with my suicidal thoughts but anytime I self harm now I end up getting stitches and that raises too much awareness for my family and provides them constant worrying and panic.

I just wish I had a sudden death and be forgotten about

 

[SpottedPanda]

The problem with dying of illness it seems, is that it's often unpredictable, and unpleasant. Even dying in your sleep of cardiac arrest carries with it the risk of waking up feeling like there's an elephant on your chest. I fear illness, mainly because I can't think of a peaceful one, out of all of them

 

[Bct]

I understand what you mean. I also want to die unexpectedly so I don't have to plan for anything or waiting to have a "good" mood. Sadly it won't be possible for me at this moment.

 

[clocktower]

i think i would take the likely unpleasantries of dying via illness (pain, lack of choice) over the guilt i would cause my family if i were to voluntarily ctb. sparing them that extra layer of pain would be worth it in my eyes.

 

[AnxietyAttack44]

It would be nice, thats true. Hard on the body, but easy on the mind.

I had dad and husband die to illness and truth to be told, its alot more calming for us then if they killed themselves, as they planned to (due to their pain).

Its extremely painful in the begining, but as you fall into shock, they preety much blacked out on everything. I wish i could go like they did, rather then pulling the trigger on my own. But we will see.

 

[speck]

I think about this a lot. My personal rationalization is that life has been very difficult and I feel like I deserve one thing to come easily to me, without the work and fussing and planning. CTB is almost as difficult to coordinate as living!