Venting I worry i'll never leave.

[samhelloall9]

I worry I'll just end up like everybody else, just another working or middle class slave to the system of capitalism and capitalist people. Working a full time job. Blah blah blah.

I worry I'll never leave (which is by bus) and the way I wanted to, which is easily and peacefully. Even if peacefully wasn't a liquid or a pill but a 9mm bullet.

Unfortunately it seems like, and I know there's no God or higher power, why I seem to have been left behind. Seeing everyone else go (I'm not just talking about here or even about here).

I just think to myself, "why the heck has been and continues to be so hard for me". You know? Everyone else can get their stuff together or save up money for x or y or z.

And even those people not from our community here, who just have easy deaths (freak but instant, heart attack, stroke, anything basically instant and painless I assume). Swift.

Can't blame a guy for being jealous of other's seemingly easy-as-pie escape out of here. Sigh.

If I wasn't so strong, I would and could cry. Or at least, sob. It's after midnight here and a little chilly, but quiet.

Childishly I say, why the F me. Why have I been doomed here and remain here.

 

[samhelloall9]

As much as you've all been sympathetic enough, some have been too honest for my liking.
To those I say: "easy for you to say. (Especially if you're all set and fine and dandy, lucky you).

Brought back some horrible even recent memories of how harsh I've found people to be all throughout my life. Shame on you, politely.