DisillusionedDruid
Member
- Dec 7, 2022
- 23
Hey everyone,
Sorry to be bothering you all again.
Well, as of today, I built up what I thought was rapport with a pretty girl in a shop, who I thought I had a chance with. I even did my Druidic thing of energy work, manifestation and even a video of how to attract women. What sparks their interest. Thinking it was a safe bet, I practiced what to say. Ironically, I was the furtherst I've ever been away from suicide and in such a good place in my life. Alas, I tried it and had nearly accounted for all outcomes, but was trying to be positive. I managed to pluck up the courage and I got stabbed in the heart with rejection. An old and sadly reoccurring familiar wound. Most of my life actually.
The worst part of this, was I actually thought I had a chance and was beginning to prepare for the possibility of a life with this girl. It is a burden and dare I say, a cursed thing at times, being able to feel people's energy. She flat out didn't want to give her number or meet for a coffee. She, of course, had every right not to. What I'm sore about, was she was a bit of a plump girl, who I spoke to and saw a gentleness with her. I actually thought enough of myself to believe with my energy, my new learned techniques and that I was attractive enough to get her to at least even meet for a non committal coffee. Just to talk and see if anything is there. I couldn't even get that..
Needless to say, I now feel very low. It reopened the wound of my previous rejections. It has now catapulted me back to the looping realisations that suicide is a wise option, as it reminded me of how toxic and clearly unlikeable I am as a human.
Of course, a higher part of me is saying "well, she's not obligated to go for you, and that was just 1 woman, who may not have seen you as her taste'. And while this is true, unfortunately, the amount of rejection from many.. many.... many women over the years, it's sad to say, this is another string on the very large bow of bows
I'm also recently single of a month, and my ex told me today again, that I was the best lover she had. I'm currently butthurt and in a victimhood state of 'well if that fucking good, why isn't there a line of horny women waiting for me?!' But of course, it doesn't work like that. Sorry, I'm half ranting, half complaining, half explaining, half trying to find a reason not to kill myself on Monday (joys of being a dedicated Druidic Medicine Healer, with a ceremony tomorrow and Sunday).
Anyway, suicide via slitting wrists and floating down the river tempts me, but not quite at the level of concern. Just a sexy little dancer that I happened to notice in the room, that looks good but nothing more than that. For now anyway.
Cried hard there an ago, after I asked my ex who I'm still living with (trying to get a new house but it's like meat in a piranha tank with 400+ people applying per 1 house here in Ireland) if she leaned more towards liking or disliking me. We ended in good terms and she called me her best friend, yet I often irritate her. She gave an answer of "it depends which part of you is out". Smart answer and accurate, yet another proof of me being unlikeable and unworthy of love and respect. In a low state, I don't know if anyone could change my mind.
What I love and respect about this place, you lads and lasses are on a low level with me, and generally get this feeling of being unworthy and low. It feels like a safe haven where you can say anything really and it's accepted as what a suicidal person's expression is. I actually feel liberated here. I get comfort from this place.
Thank you to you all and for whoever created this place. I suspect it helps a lot of people.
Beannachtaí mór daoibh
(Blessings to you all)
🌬
️️️️️️️
Sorry to be bothering you all again.
Well, as of today, I built up what I thought was rapport with a pretty girl in a shop, who I thought I had a chance with. I even did my Druidic thing of energy work, manifestation and even a video of how to attract women. What sparks their interest. Thinking it was a safe bet, I practiced what to say. Ironically, I was the furtherst I've ever been away from suicide and in such a good place in my life. Alas, I tried it and had nearly accounted for all outcomes, but was trying to be positive. I managed to pluck up the courage and I got stabbed in the heart with rejection. An old and sadly reoccurring familiar wound. Most of my life actually.
The worst part of this, was I actually thought I had a chance and was beginning to prepare for the possibility of a life with this girl. It is a burden and dare I say, a cursed thing at times, being able to feel people's energy. She flat out didn't want to give her number or meet for a coffee. She, of course, had every right not to. What I'm sore about, was she was a bit of a plump girl, who I spoke to and saw a gentleness with her. I actually thought enough of myself to believe with my energy, my new learned techniques and that I was attractive enough to get her to at least even meet for a non committal coffee. Just to talk and see if anything is there. I couldn't even get that..
Needless to say, I now feel very low. It reopened the wound of my previous rejections. It has now catapulted me back to the looping realisations that suicide is a wise option, as it reminded me of how toxic and clearly unlikeable I am as a human.
Of course, a higher part of me is saying "well, she's not obligated to go for you, and that was just 1 woman, who may not have seen you as her taste'. And while this is true, unfortunately, the amount of rejection from many.. many.... many women over the years, it's sad to say, this is another string on the very large bow of bows
I'm also recently single of a month, and my ex told me today again, that I was the best lover she had. I'm currently butthurt and in a victimhood state of 'well if that fucking good, why isn't there a line of horny women waiting for me?!' But of course, it doesn't work like that. Sorry, I'm half ranting, half complaining, half explaining, half trying to find a reason not to kill myself on Monday (joys of being a dedicated Druidic Medicine Healer, with a ceremony tomorrow and Sunday).
Anyway, suicide via slitting wrists and floating down the river tempts me, but not quite at the level of concern. Just a sexy little dancer that I happened to notice in the room, that looks good but nothing more than that. For now anyway.
Cried hard there an ago, after I asked my ex who I'm still living with (trying to get a new house but it's like meat in a piranha tank with 400+ people applying per 1 house here in Ireland) if she leaned more towards liking or disliking me. We ended in good terms and she called me her best friend, yet I often irritate her. She gave an answer of "it depends which part of you is out". Smart answer and accurate, yet another proof of me being unlikeable and unworthy of love and respect. In a low state, I don't know if anyone could change my mind.
What I love and respect about this place, you lads and lasses are on a low level with me, and generally get this feeling of being unworthy and low. It feels like a safe haven where you can say anything really and it's accepted as what a suicidal person's expression is. I actually feel liberated here. I get comfort from this place.
Thank you to you all and for whoever created this place. I suspect it helps a lot of people.
Beannachtaí mór daoibh
(Blessings to you all)
🌬️️️️️️️
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