I wanna get sick and die

[gummyshark]

I wish I could get sick so badly or a deadly disease that would surely kill me. I've always considered suicide multiple times but I've always wished for an easier option like getting a fatal disease. I know that probably won't happen and just a fantasy in my head since I'm relatively healthy, physically.

Every single day, I'd pray just to get fatally injured or sick. Maybe I could even get hit by a car while walking down a road. I just wanna collapse and die. Maybe it sounds selfish, but everyone has a selfish side to them. We all want something, don't we?

I'm not trying to seem rude and like I'm mocking those who've actually died from these things when they didn't want to but, I just can't handle being alive anymore. I pray for my death every single day. I wouldn't mind whether it be an accident or a disease, I just wanna die.

Maybe I'll feel guilty for those around me, especially my family and close friends, but, I should prioritise what I want, right? I can't always give.

 

[null_blank]

I feel a lot of this and in my much deeper depressions, I would pray fiercely for something to go devastatingly wrong in me or to me.

As I'm typing, it clearly never came :/

Learning about this feeling, called passive suicidality, helped somewhat; to know I wasn't the first to wish I'd become dead through some fault that arguably wasn't mine was weirdly comforting.

I don't expect you to feel the same. I don't know what my point is anymore. Only to say that I can relate to this, I suppose.

Ps
Love the blahaj and shark shirt c:

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand just wanting to be gone, I also just wish to not exist, I just wish for true peace from all the suffering. But anyway I wish you all the best.

 

[Neowise]

I have prayed for cancer years ago. But look at me, I am doing fine while there is children dying on leukemia in hospitals.
I wished I could somehow absorb other people's deadly diseases, cure them and kill myself in the process. Then my life would have had at least some purpose.

 

[chester]

I know how it feels. I had an opportunity to kill myself quickly and painlessly (with nitrogen) and I couldn't. I decided that first I'm going to try to get my heart to fail "on its own" with a little help from me. If it doesn't work, then I'm going to revisit the idea of killing myself. I don't think I'd go with nitrogen again though. I want to experience dying gradually and not just pass out within seconds.

 

[divinemistress36]

I'm in the USA if someone has a terminal illness they can be euthanized in some states. Depression is a slowly killing disease its horrible

 

[CantDoIt]

I know how it feels. I had an opportunity to kill myself quickly and painlessly (with nitrogen) and I couldn't. I decided that first I'm going to try to get my heart to fail "on its own" with a little help from me. If it doesn't work, then I'm going to revisit the idea of killing myself. I don't think I'd go with nitrogen again though. I want to experience dying gradually and not just pass out within seconds.

Out of curiosity, what ctb method do you imagine would help you die gradually?

Also yeah op, I get you .. unfortunately most methods of dying by illness are long and painful. The upside is that you would have a hospital setting to help you go.

 

[justpathetic]

I wish I could get sick so badly or a deadly disease that would surely kill me. I've always considered suicide multiple times but I've always wished for an easier option like getting a fatal disease. I know that probably won't happen and just a fantasy in my head since I'm relatively healthy, physically.

Every single day, I'd pray just to get fatally injured or sick. Maybe I could even get hit by a car while walking down a road. I just wanna collapse and die. Maybe it sounds selfish, but everyone has a selfish side to them. We all want something, don't we?

I'm not trying to seem rude and like I'm mocking those who've actually died from these things when they didn't want to but, I just can't handle being alive anymore. I pray for my death every single day. I wouldn't mind whether it be an accident or a disease, I just wanna die.

Maybe I'll feel guilty for those around me, especially my family and close friends, but, I should prioritise what I want, right? I can't always give.

I've wished that for years. I'm healthy as a horse. If given the choice I would gladly trade with someone who still wants to live. It's on of many reasons I've lost faith in any God. Why are truly happy people dying? People who want to live little children etc... but I'm still here??

 

[Reflection]

Sometimes I wish I could get cancer and/or die on my sleep just so that no one feels guilt when I CTB.

 

[Daxter777]

Yeah i get you. Ive wished for cancer or just a brain aneurysm that kills me on the spot