O
offbalance
Student
- Dec 16, 2021
- 185
I probably struggle with a cluster B disorder like BPD or NPD and I feel like attention from other people has kept me alive longer than I should have been. I'm not saying I don't have other aspects to me or I'm not a whole person but yeah. Just a leftover wound from childhood I suppose.
Laugh at me all you want
I have my other pleasures in life too even, I like my music and the colors of the day and making others feel good
But I feel like attention is like a heroin high, injected and forceful and not a genuine happiness but it hits all the same, you know it's artificial but I can't help but get fucking dopamine from this and I know this.
Overall Im just wondering if it's the reason I haven't committed to CTB fully, or maybe it is that among other reasons. Probably the latter but still something I noticed that stands out to me
I know people from fucking 4chan or just strangers or whatever are gonna laugh at this but whatever it's worth it to rant vulnerably and maybe one person can relate lmao
I've definitely gotten better in recent years it's just attention is a huge dopamine hit for me still. Just something I noticed
Laugh at me all you want
I have my other pleasures in life too even, I like my music and the colors of the day and making others feel good
But I feel like attention is like a heroin high, injected and forceful and not a genuine happiness but it hits all the same, you know it's artificial but I can't help but get fucking dopamine from this and I know this.
Overall Im just wondering if it's the reason I haven't committed to CTB fully, or maybe it is that among other reasons. Probably the latter but still something I noticed that stands out to me
I know people from fucking 4chan or just strangers or whatever are gonna laugh at this but whatever it's worth it to rant vulnerably and maybe one person can relate lmao
I've definitely gotten better in recent years it's just attention is a huge dopamine hit for me still. Just something I noticed