Discussion I use the concept of CTB a coping method. It gives me the most intense calming and scerene sensation

[Cherry Crumpet]

I feel like I don't deserve being on this forum sometimes. Like I don't really deserve to post here because most people are serious about their intent and for me it's that the concept itself gives me this incredible feeling of security and calm. Am I the only one like this here?

There's people that have been here for weeks, months, longer - giving their goodbyes. And then there's me... using just the thought of suicide as a coping mechanism. It feels like I'm.. 'using' the people on this forum, or something. I mean, I have had thought of what methods I'd use.. researched them... but it's more of a coping mechanism than "I'm actually going to make this into a plan and do it someday." it gives me a feeling of security to research them.

When I start to get super depressed and feel like things are hopeless, or if I get overwhelmed at my life and my future - just the thought that I can kill myself, that I have that control, gives me the most intense calming sensation. The only thing that can top it is Xanax. It's become almost a reflex at this point when things get bad and I start getting really bad anxiety, all I have to think is, 'I don't have to participate in this. I can choose to end this on my terms. There is an escape from this, if it becomes too much.' Immediately I feel so much calmer and serene.

 

[motel rooms]

I'm sure you're not the only one. You're lucky you're so easily comforted

 

[WornOutLife]

I can relate!
Thinking I might ctb or simply die some day, is one of the few things which help me to cope with life daily!

 

[nihilism44]

I feel like I could have written this. Spot on to how I feel.

 

[Deleted_9cKnXB34QG]

Same. It's a comforting thought that helps me cope with life. Am I ever gonna do it? IDK, but it's good to have an exit strategy.

 

[motel rooms]

I've said this 2 or 3 times already, but I just find it so cool that Cioran, the great prophet of suicide, died at 84 of natural causes

 

[FuneralCry]

I feel comforted by the thought that life will end someday, that death is inevitable and someday I won't have to be conscious anymore. I wish I felt it about ctb, many methods fill me with dread, knowing they can go wrong and it actually is really hard to die. But at least it is always possible that there is a way out.

 

[brokenwaves]

i used suicidal ideation as a coping mechanism since i was kid. it was comforting thinking that if stuff in my life went really bad, i could just ctb and stop it all. that spiralled pretty fast though because then the slightest upset or stress i immediately thought of suicide lmao. anyway it's still a coping mechanism like this but i actually am at risk of it, life is far too miserable for me to be comforted by the thought of suicide alone

 

[LenkaX]

I avoid CTB for different reason - I fear what's after (suicidal) death.

 

[moths]

i can relate so much. i mean, i feel like its inevitable that i'll kill myself someday, maybe soon, maybe not, i dont have a date set or anything but i have a method and plan, and when everything feels out of control it comforts me to know that if i need to i can make it all stop.

 

[SosoruzeDosukoi]

I relate to this a lot. Thinking about methods and visualizing a plan is very calming. I don't know if I'll have it actually in me to make an attempt, but thinking about it really helps when I'm feeling more depressed than usual.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I had two attempts before joining SS and none since joining. I've set a ctb date several times and not followed through. It's ironic, but the only thing keeping me from falling apart every day is the knowledge that I have what I need to ctb, and that I have the freedom to go wherever I choose. If that freedom was taken away from me (like it was last year when my husband flushed my SN down the toilet), I'd collapse and wouldn't be able to function. It's definitely a coping mechanism for me too.

 

[Horsey Brown Panda]

I can relate!
Thinking I might ctb or simply die some day, is one of the few things which help me to cope with life daily!

That's just mood honestly. Having the possibility to end it all peacefully help me waking up