anopenwound
I̸'̷m̵ ̸g̶o̷i̶n̵g̷ ̶h̵o̶m̶e̶.̵
- Jul 27, 2024
- 110
This is something that I either never experienced before in my life or that I never experienced before in my life knowingly, on a day to day basis. I do have memories of shutting down in a crisis, but nothing like what I'm going through right now.
Most of my life is an ocean of constant pain and emotional turmoil - thanks to BPD and being surrounded by triggers. However, in the last few days I started thinking that maybe all these recent nights of heavy drinking did damage my brain, cause there's been moments where I felt lighter, but not in a happy way. More like in a dizzy, "not all there" kinda way.
Earlier I was falling asleep and while my brain kept on going in the same places it always goes to, places that hurt me endlessly, I didn't feel much. Nothing more than a dull hit and a sense of profound disinterest in my own problems, like they're not even mine. It's like trying to click on a shortcut in your pc but the original app is no longer there. You click and click and nothing shows up other than an error popup.
This morning I had a clinical assessment to establish whether I'm fit to go to group therapy and, according to the questionnaires I've took in the past weeks, it looks like what I've been experiencing isn't brain damage but depersonalization-derealization. I don't know the first thing about it other than what I've just read but it seems… oddly fitting.
I'm not looking forward to fix this cause this nice detour from the constant pain is kinda nice, not gonna lie. However I wanted to see whether some of you have gone through the same thing.
Anything to report about this that I should know?
Most of my life is an ocean of constant pain and emotional turmoil - thanks to BPD and being surrounded by triggers. However, in the last few days I started thinking that maybe all these recent nights of heavy drinking did damage my brain, cause there's been moments where I felt lighter, but not in a happy way. More like in a dizzy, "not all there" kinda way.
Earlier I was falling asleep and while my brain kept on going in the same places it always goes to, places that hurt me endlessly, I didn't feel much. Nothing more than a dull hit and a sense of profound disinterest in my own problems, like they're not even mine. It's like trying to click on a shortcut in your pc but the original app is no longer there. You click and click and nothing shows up other than an error popup.
This morning I had a clinical assessment to establish whether I'm fit to go to group therapy and, according to the questionnaires I've took in the past weeks, it looks like what I've been experiencing isn't brain damage but depersonalization-derealization. I don't know the first thing about it other than what I've just read but it seems… oddly fitting.
I'm not looking forward to fix this cause this nice detour from the constant pain is kinda nice, not gonna lie. However I wanted to see whether some of you have gone through the same thing.
Anything to report about this that I should know?