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DetachedDreamer97

DetachedDreamer97

Enlightened
Mar 17, 2018
1,402
Perhaps the reason we suffer is due to the lack of a decent role in this modern society. As of now, with having essentially all of our basic needs fulfilled and that we all have vices like television and gaming, etcetera... we've never quite felt the need to do great things as we basically live through the hero of the show we watch or the game we play. We essentially struggle to have anything we fight for.

Sure, we could get girlfriends or have a family to protect, but considering that we're in a system where violence is forbidden, and that there are systems in place that are supposedly designed to protect us, we become lax as we never really feel the need to fight for anything, apart from the scraps gained working a 9-5 job.
All in all, due to us becoming domesticated like puppies, we essentially develop mental illnesses.

The truth is, however, I suppose we do have a myriad of problems going on in this world, though it's never going to be easy to solve, but... if one suffers enough from something, then they develop the will to start advocating for a cause.

Television and gaming and all that is nothing but a bullshit distraction, as is drugs and alcohol. They serve only to numb the pain we feel in our daily shit lives.

Too many people have grown weak, because we're living in "easy times", and when the smallest shit happens, we find ourselves unprepared. And that's often why many people just give up. They're so used to settling for those little scraps of comfort to the point that they're afraid of losing what's left of it rather than challenging themselves. That also includes suicide. It takes courage to live, and it also takes courage to die, because neither life or death is easy.

I can understand why people kill themselves, but there're often moments where I can't help but find myself disappointes when someone chooses to just make an attempt without any planning whatsoever. When they find a method that has potential and may even fit them like a glove, they often attempt half-assed and then give up on a method because it's "too hard" for them.

Of course it's hard! But if you want something so bad, you need to fucking... GRIND; you can't just simply take a leap of faith and expect it to work just because you've read a few anecdotal articles that likely have misinformatioon about the dosage and lethality.

To add insult to injury, they also expect to be spoonfed basic information about the method. No one wants to fucking work for anything in their lives, even their dreams.

We often dream of becoming a hero, but while it's true it's not easy finding our path of the "hero's journey", the answer lies in suffering.

I get that we're not equipped with the traits needed to become legends, and that for some of us, there's no one to cheer for us; even parents don't often care about our best interests, but unless we're physically incapable and it's all mental, we just simply have to level up.

I didn't know shit six years ago; I took my classes for granted, and for the most part, I was in special-ed, which dampened my ability to a degree (socializing, learning, and so on), leaving me at a complete disadvantage.

The reason I'm able to do what I do, writing, doing advanced botanical extractions, creating shit out of thin air, achieving the impossible, is because of my willingness to learn all that's needed to realize my dream.

I'll admit... I am being somewhat hypocritical because I still suffer from self-doubt and fear of the unknown, but... that is something I'm working on overcoming, because I'm going to be a fucking hero.

PS: This post wasn't meant to be inflammatory. Instead, I seek to inspire. One can pursue their own dream however they want. If you want to die, then you're free to do as you please, but... if you can, try to do it with a smile on your face, and do it with style. Perhaps in your attempt, you may find your own path and want to fight for a cause.
 
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GrumpyFrog

GrumpyFrog

Exhausted
Aug 23, 2020
1,913
No offence, but do you, by any chance, happen to watch a lot of anime? Because I'm sorry but this sounds deadass like a speech from an anime.

I don't want to rain on your parade, but I'm pretty sure there is no such thing as "dying with style". Death is always ugly and depressing. It can only look nice if you only take a peek at it, such as hearing a cool story about it or seeing a corpse that is already embalmed laying pretty in their best dress in a casket. Death can look cool, beautiful or cathartic in movies, TV shows and videogames, but in real life it is the furthest thing of a "dream" someone might pursue "with style and a smile on their face". The only context in which it becomes a dream is suffering to a point where you just want any release from that suffering, at any cost. I don't think it is possible to simultaneously be seriously, severely suicidal and have a desire for a "hero's journey" and care about "achieving your dreams with style", dreaming of dying is a kind of pain that is beyond that.
Yes, there is a concept of dreaming to die a hero. In real life, it never really happens. It is extremely rare for anyone to do anything heroic in death - your opportunities for being a hero are much wider when you're alive and well - and even for those cases where people really die "heroically" it is an afterthought, they never get to experience any pride or satisfaction about becoming heroes and usually die horribly, in no position to really contemplate their achievement. And most of the time it's much worse than that. The most blood-chillingly horrible and disturbing stories I can tell start with young guys that wanted to be heroes, even if they'll have to die a heroic death for that. What followed were the furthest thing from heroic and usually consisted of them experiencing insane amounts of suffering and often inflicting similar suffering on other people for no good reason. "Heroic death" might be the most harmful and dangerous idea in the history of humanity, the one thing that removes the last barrier of self-preservation and fear of repercussions between a person and their decision to dare to commit the worst of atrocities.
And don't even get me started on "fighting for something" and violence. Sure it looks cool in videogames or movies. It is the absolute worst thing you can choose to do with your life in reality. Violently fighting for a cause should be the absolute last resort when everything else failed and there are truly horrible things happening that absolutely require an intervention, otherwise no matter what causes you delude yourself with, you just choose to dedicate yourself to hurting others.
It is great if you can motivate yourself to achieve your dreams by imagining yourself as the "hero" with a "journey" from a show you watch or a game you play, and seeing your life problems as something you're "fighting" like the videogame boss. I can see how it can be helpful and it's awesome if it works for more people. But it is important to be able to step back and remember that real life doesn't exactly work like a game or a movie, you're not really the main character with plot armor and backup lives, and other human beings are not extras or NPCs in your "hero's journey". I've seen way too many horrible shit that happened, among other things, because people treat life like a cool movie or videogame where they are the good guys that are always right and nothing bad ever happens to them, and where "fighting for a cause" against "faceless villains" with some occasional equally faceless neutral NPCs being thrown into the grinder is a good thing. I'm dead set on "fuck fighting for a cause, please do literally anything but that with your life". Hug your loved ones if you have them, pet a dog, make a friend, eat a bucket of icecream, participate in any "vices" that make you feel good as long as they aren't harming anyone. Us living in "easy times" is an incredibly good thing. Anyone who would like to live in "historic times" with a "cause" can swap places with me any day.
 
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CandyCane

CandyCane

Student
Mar 11, 2022
139
I am a hero. It cost me everything. It's not something you become. It's something life drowns you with and you lose other more stabilizing things in the process. It doesn't have to be as extreme as you said. I still want to CTB half the time.
 
DetachedDreamer97

DetachedDreamer97

Enlightened
Mar 17, 2018
1,402
No offence, but do you, by any chance, happen to watch a lot of anime? Because I'm sorry but this sounds deadass like a speech from an anime.
Lol... I watch a little... and my goal is to have that life of a protagonist, and I made suicide a backup plan to reach it. But I suppose in the end, my path to suicide has started transforming my life.
I don't want to rain on your parade, but I'm pretty sure there is no such thing as "dying with style". Death is always ugly and depressing. It can only look nice if you only take a peek at it, such as hearing a cool story about it or seeing a corpse that is already embalmed laying pretty in their best dress in a casket. Death can look cool, beautiful or cathartic in movies, TV shows and videogames, but in real life it is the furthest thing of a "dream" someone might pursue "with style and a smile on their face". The only context in which it becomes a dream is suffering to a point where you just want any release from that suffering, at any cost. I don't think it is possible to simultaneously be seriously, severely suicidal and have a desire for a "hero's journey" and care about "achieving your dreams with style", dreaming of dying is a kind of pain that is beyond that.
I understand. I could've phrased it better, but... I feel that if one finds a method that suits their personality and is challenging to master rather than settling for something that simply provides an escape, it wouldn't be as fulfilling. Regarding the hero's journey, I was referring to that path potentially becoming like a journey. My life was essentially meaningless and I had nothing going for me, but the day I became suicidal and started looking for methods was the day I started making achievements and meeting friends who were on a similar journey. Plus, working on my method kinda gave meaning as well considering it's lofty.
Yes, there is a concept of dreaming to die a hero. In real life, it never really happens. It is extremely rare for anyone to do anything heroic in death - your opportunities for being a hero are much wider when you're alive and well - and even for those cases where people really die "heroically" it is an afterthought, they never get to experience any pride or satisfaction about becoming heroes and usually die horribly, in no position to really contemplate their achievement. And most of the time it's much worse than that. The most blood-chillingly horrible and disturbing stories I can tell start with young guys that wanted to be heroes, even if they'll have to die a heroic death for that. What followed were the furthest thing from heroic and usually consisted of them experiencing insane amounts of suffering and often inflicting similar suffering on other people for no good reason. "Heroic death" might be the most harmful and dangerous idea in the history of humanity, the one thing that removes the last barrier of self-preservation and fear of repercussions between a person and their decision to dare to commit the worst of atrocities.
Not heroic death, but more like... If you become aware of your suicidal resolve and notice the accomplishments you've made in your pursuit of death, you'll realize what you're capable of. And when you know what you were after (besides the blanket term of "peace") and realize there were people on a similar boat, your empathy will skyrocket and push you to help them. Much like we are on here, advocating for this site and it's members.
And don't even get me started on "fighting for something" and violence. Sure it looks cool in videogames or movies. It is the absolute worst thing you can choose to do with your life in reality. Violently fighting for a cause should be the absolute last resort when everything else failed and there are truly horrible things happening that absolutely require an intervention, otherwise no matter what causes you delude yourself with, you just choose to dedicate yourself to hurting others.
Read above... I think you've taken thay part a little too literally. My goal isn't to start violent wars, but to help people realize their self-worth and start "punching upwards" in a society that punches down. Make the weak and the vulnerable unstoppable forces. I would try changing society, but we know how that went in the past and present.

I'll throw this in for relevance.

63gvgcncy9w71
I am a hero. It cost me everything. It's not something you become. It's something life drowns you with and you lose other more stabilizing things in the process. It doesn't have to be as extreme as you said. I still want to CTB half the time.
Same. My resolve to ctb is boundless, but at the same time, it's what motivates me to do things I never thought I could do, and it's the reason why I no longer believe I'm unworthy of anything. And I'll help make it the same for the others like me.
No offence, but do you, by any chance, happen to watch a lot of anime? Because I'm sorry but this sounds deadass like a speech from an anime.

I don't want to rain on your parade, but I'm pretty sure there is no such thing as "dying with style". Death is always ugly and depressing. It can only look nice if you only take a peek at it, such as hearing a cool story about it or seeing a corpse that is already embalmed laying pretty in their best dress in a casket. Death can look cool, beautiful or cathartic in movies, TV shows and videogames, but in real life it is the furthest thing of a "dream" someone might pursue "with style and a smile on their face". The only context in which it becomes a dream is suffering to a point where you just want any release from that suffering, at any cost. I don't think it is possible to simultaneously be seriously, severely suicidal and have a desire for a "hero's journey" and care about "achieving your dreams with style", dreaming of dying is a kind of pain that is beyond that.
Yes, there is a concept of dreaming to die a hero. In real life, it never really happens. It is extremely rare for anyone to do anything heroic in death - your opportunities for being a hero are much wider when you're alive and well - and even for those cases where people really die "heroically" it is an afterthought, they never get to experience any pride or satisfaction about becoming heroes and usually die horribly, in no position to really contemplate their achievement. And most of the time it's much worse than that. The most blood-chillingly horrible and disturbing stories I can tell start with young guys that wanted to be heroes, even if they'll have to die a heroic death for that. What followed were the furthest thing from heroic and usually consisted of them experiencing insane amounts of suffering and often inflicting similar suffering on other people for no good reason. "Heroic death" might be the most harmful and dangerous idea in the history of humanity, the one thing that removes the last barrier of self-preservation and fear of repercussions between a person and their decision to dare to commit the worst of atrocities.
And don't even get me started on "fighting for something" and violence. Sure it looks cool in videogames or movies. It is the absolute worst thing you can choose to do with your life in reality. Violently fighting for a cause should be the absolute last resort when everything else failed and there are truly horrible things happening that absolutely require an intervention, otherwise no matter what causes you delude yourself with, you just choose to dedicate yourself to hurting others.
It is great if you can motivate yourself to achieve your dreams by imagining yourself as the "hero" with a "journey" from a show you watch or a game you play, and seeing your life problems as something you're "fighting" like the videogame boss. I can see how it can be helpful and it's awesome if it works for more people. But it is important to be able to step back and remember that real life doesn't exactly work like a game or a movie, you're not really the main character with plot armor and backup lives, and other human beings are not extras or NPCs in your "hero's journey". I've seen way too many horrible shit that happened, among other things, because people treat life like a cool movie or videogame where they are the good guys that are always right and nothing bad ever happens to them, and where "fighting for a cause" against "faceless villains" with some occasional equally faceless neutral NPCs being thrown into the grinder is a good thing. I'm dead set on "fuck fighting for a cause, please do literally anything but that with your life". Hug your loved ones if you have them, pet a dog, make a friend, eat a bucket of icecream, participate in any "vices" that make you feel good as long as they aren't harming anyone. Us living in "easy times" is an incredibly good thing. Anyone who would like to live in "historic times" with a "cause" can swap places with me any day.
I think I should add this in: the thing I'm fighting for is the fact that most of us here are "different" and thus were outcasted. However, with our differences, I believe we have potential to change things for the better. I've known smart and wise people who killed themselves early because of the things they've faced. Thus, of I can help them find their light and restore their morale, perhaps many won't have to die.
 
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GrumpyFrog

GrumpyFrog

Exhausted
Aug 23, 2020
1,913
I feel that if one finds a method that suits their personality and is challenging to master rather than settling for something that simply provides an escape, it wouldn't be as fulfilling. Regarding the hero's journey, I was referring to that path potentially becoming like a journey. My life was essentially meaningless and I had nothing going for me, but the day I became suicidal and started looking for methods was the day I started making achievements and meeting friends who were on a similar journey. Plus, working on my method kinda gave meaning as well considering it's lofty.
I think I kind of get it. Your cause for suicidality was the lack of purpose, you didn't believe you can do anything, but then you decided that suicide is something you can actually work on, and that gives you a meaningful goal, right? That makes perfect sense. It's great it worked out for you! Hope it can work for more people.
I have very different reasons to be suicidal, so it wasn't that easy for me to understand what you're trying to say, but I think I get it now.
Much like we are on here, advocating for this site and it's members.
Honestly, I'm here to be a resident smartass to distract myself from my suffering, to whine because IRL no one listens and occasionally to ask really idiotic questions trying to get CTB advice, because my brain is a mush. So I guess thank you for advocating for me.
 
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F

Forever Sleep

Earned it we have...
May 4, 2022
11,602
give up on a method because it's "too hard" for them.

Of course it's hard! But if you want something so bad, you need to fucking... GRIND
Very true, I wasn't on here long before coming to the conclusion that death was going to be just as difficult and take just as much effort as life. Perhaps even more- if you really want to go all out on the most peaceful methods- as these seem to require illegal or very restricted substances (in the UK anyway).

I keep telling myself that I have been resourceful in life, I can do so in death.
 
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DetachedDreamer97

DetachedDreamer97

Enlightened
Mar 17, 2018
1,402
I think I kind of get it. Your cause for suicidality was the lack of purpose, you didn't believe you can do anything, but then you decided that suicide is something you can actually work on, and that gives you a meaningful goal, right? That makes perfect sense. It's great it worked out for you! Hope it can work for more people.
I have very different reasons to be suicidal, so it wasn't that easy for me to understand what you're trying to say, but I think I get it now.
Lack of purpose was one of them, but more that I was unable to get past my negative experiences of childhood and school, and I guess that led to that. Especially realizing my shit situation I was trapped in.

No sweat, I should've figured much... then again, I tend to not be good at writing my full thoughts out. But it's better than when I try it verbally.
Honestly, I'm here to be a resident smartass to distract myself from my suffering, to whine because IRL no one listens and occasionally to ask really idiotic questions trying to get CTB advice, because my brain is a mush. So I guess thank you for advocating for me.
*pats your back in a very loud smacking kinda way that it hurts, but also endearing*
Very true, I wasn't on here long before coming to the conclusion that death was going to be just as difficult and take just as much effort as life. Perhaps even more- if you really want to go all out on the most peaceful methods- as these seem to require illegal or very restricted substances (in the UK anyway).

I keep telling myself that I have been resourceful in life, I can do so in death.
HELL YEAH!!!

Though believe it or not, the methods I have my eyes set on are quite legal, naturally sourced...
 
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