Though I know this may not help, I understand completely. Interviews, especially for people who are struggling emotionally, absolutely suck. I am SO tired of going to interviews, answering the SAME questions over and over only for the end result to be no offer - or most recently an offer then beginning the process of being hired to be informed the offer was being recinded due to changes in the companies needs. Interviewing takes time and money and for the under employed or unemployed spending money on gas to get to/from an interview is just another issue.
I understand too about wanting your youth back. My life was good until some really significant personal losses in a short perid of time. I tried therapy, medications, prayer - you name it - but those losses coupled with my life long depression/anxiety issues - have cause me to drive my life right off in the proverbial ditch. The jobs I have gotten I end up screwing up or ghosting them because I am so overwhelmed and lost. I am an educated, intelligent, capable person who just can't seem to find my footing anymore. Who I am now is not who I was years ago, before the losses, it's like that was another life..I guess in many ways it was.
Like you, people tell me things will get better, have faith etc but like you, I've found that, at least for me, that is just not happening. I have no faith, not in others but mostly not in myself. Not anymore.
I understand not knowing how much longer you can take life - I get that completely. I am on the presipus of making the decision to extract myself from life. So much of what gave my life meaning died a long time ago with the pets and people that were my world. I've tried to find new meaning or carry the memories with me to form a life based on what was - but all I see, feel and know is, that ain't happening. I truly have no idea what else to do, try or hope for.
I feel guilt about not wanting to remain in life, especially since there are so many people fighting for theirs, I want meaning, a purpose, I want to finish strong at the end of my natural life but the kick in the crotch of putting myself out there for jobs that go no where, relationships that aren't heathy, for knowing I will never be able to retire as I have no savings, no IRA no wealth waiting..it does seem pointless.
Just know I am sorry for what you are going through, I understand to the point we are dealing with similar things and I hope, I truly hope, something good happens for you today.
