I hate myself for wanting to ctb, I feel like a weak and bad person. Does anyone have similar feelings

[Emilia1012]

I am depressed after a very traumatic experience in which I lost my health.
I am trying really hard but can't be happy somehow . I feel so guilty of not being stronger, so weak and stupid and bad person ,because I should consider my family and live for them.
I just hate myself and want to ctb even more.
I wish someone told me I was amazing and strong(for still continuing to live after all) then maybe I wouldn't consider ctb anymore. But I hear from everyone only that I am weak and people are leaving me.

 

[Hurt]

Yes. I feel selfish because I don't think about people who love me (family and friends) and all the pain I will cause if I do it. That's what stops me. But I can't get this idea out of my mind. I must be strong. If I hadn't had people around me I would have been already dead.

 

[WornOutLife]

Don't be so hard on yourself.

We wanna ctb because life was just unfair to us for different reasons.
We never decided to be suicidal. It's just the way things are.

Hope you can feel better soon.

Hugs and love,

Matt

 

[deepinlimbo]

Is your health recoverable? I don't think mine is. I Still have a modicum of my useless Brain telling me otherwise. Biology is strange. Anyway…

It's a common feeling to exhibit, honestly if I didn't have the issues I did I wouldn't be thinking This way. But alas here I am. Anyway it's rather normal to want to escape pain and that feeling of uncertainty. When it gets to much it's normal to go to the idea of ctb.

just don't be hard on yourself. (Maybe Rich coming from me knowing how hard I am but I'm trying to understand self forgiveness)
Most people who have been in bad bad places where sh*t hits the fan are to scared to admit they have thought of dying at least once.

I know I am going to have to be selfish to ctb, but if my last truly awful act was just being selfish to escape pain then that's something I can except.

eqaully though it takes a lot of courage to keep going. In fact I would almost say it's a foolish amount. But each situation is unique and I honestly wish I could. Am I coward? Maybe? But some would say brave to just expect my fate. Either way it's brave.

anyway hope you can figure things out in the best way possible and hopefully you won't have to ctb. Again I wish you the best

 

[FuneralCry]

You shouldn't feel weak, even know it is hard not to. Life is simply cruel to us and we cannot control the way we feel. Wanting to end our lives is not wanting to suffer anymore, it isn't weak and it doesn't make you a bad person, its what this life does to us. In particular with health issues there is no escape from them and we feel trapped. So many bad things can happen to us that are simply out of our control.