It's a lot of effort to talk about your own problems to another. We're used to having to bury or repress our feelings because any number of reservations prevent us from expressing ourselves. I think that this is because we're used to just "having" relationships in our lives, at some point it becomes second nature to communicate with others. We learn that as we meet new people and develop these relationships that we begin to share these inner problems. But as we move from an era of face to face to online, we see a shift in the discourse around depression and suicide. It becomes much easier to face when behind a screen, and our exposure to those who aren't really hurting puts a negative light on those who are actually hurting. People like yourself feel like they can't talk because they're putting all their problems on another. That's just what having a tribe is, mate. We're your tribe and we'll listen. You may feel how you do for any reason, but you're welcome here. No one expects anything from you other than to be the best you that you can be.
I'm sorry you feel this way, and I'm very sorry that you feel you can't talk about it. But we're here.