I feel empty

[ForgottenAgain]

Every day I feel empty. I'm better from the hallucinations, only had one last week, but this sinking feeling of deep emptiness doesn't leave me.

I'm never satisfied, I'm never happy, I'm always feeling like something is missing, I'm always empty. I wish my family cared about me... I wish I mattered to them, even though I know it's impossible I wish they cared. It's futile but I wish they cared. It hurts that they don't and it makes me feel meaningless and unimportant.

All I ever wanted was to be happy but every day I know they don't care about me and I just sink into sadness. My boyfriend loves me but it's not enough... I miss my mom, my grandma and my cat. I wish they were alive, they cared about me.

 

[Tired_of_myself]

I'm sorry for your losses. I hope you find strength.
I understand you. Today I cried to my partner and said I didn't know if I had the strength to continue... every day, I wake up and think "what a long day" and I feel very melancholic about going through this every day.

The lack of family support causes us a feeling of existential helplessness. - at least that's what I feel. I'm working on the family abuse I went through in therapy, and I feel like I still have a long way to go. But on this path, I'm realizing that this seems to be the root of my desire to CTB. I feel like I have no space in this world.

I hope you find yours.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

I'm sorry for your situation and your losses.

 

[groucho]

I feel the same, particularly bad today, it's so draining to feel nothing. I wonder if this is the sort of negative equivalent of what it feels like to have some sort of Buddhist like enlightenment. Instead of feeling at peace with nothing you just have a general sense of apathy and unease.