Youthanasia
Wanderer
- Apr 18, 2019
- 117
Man, it surely sucks to be me. I tried suspending myself for test runs in every viable object in my room. Im not too excited about the rest of the apartment but there's the dog issue, don't want the poor guy to stick around grieving on the dead me. Cant tell if dogs have that thing we do about grieving.
Privacy is really mandatory for me. I don't want my family to be known around as the ones who raised a goner even if they did. That's the least I can still do. Hanging sounds perfect but eh I never thought I'd be bothered by the cheap simpleness of this apartment because of that
The bright side is that i'm not really in a hurry. My suicide isnt entirely motivated by pain of any kind. Physical pain bothers me the most but surely there's people having a harder time than me out there. Emotionally? Uh... I'm careless enough to say that it would be overly emotional to claim I'm dead inside
Either way... In these last few years I felt like i'm slowly climbing down the inhibitions about things. Maybe with some more time i'll figure something out in one way or another, i'm considering building a structure in my room, maybe using the wardrobe's weight, I don't know.
It sucks that i'm getting some light panic attacks recently. With me it's never been too bad, but it's really annoying because I don't know if I'm just being a wuss or having a stroke (For some reason, that's how it is to me, some weird headaches followed by one-sides numbness). Doesnt help that i'm an alcooholist and a smoker even though my body looks like it's brand new even for docs. Guess that's not how i'm taking my leave. Still funny how the thought haunts me.
Anyway, guess i'll be spamming around for a while in here. I don't really have anything else to do. So i'll also use this vent to wish good vibes to everyone and encourage everyone to try their best in life before considering ctb. That's something I can say i have done, hence why i feel somewhat peaceful with the entire thing.
Cheers and a good week for whoever reading this
Privacy is really mandatory for me. I don't want my family to be known around as the ones who raised a goner even if they did. That's the least I can still do. Hanging sounds perfect but eh I never thought I'd be bothered by the cheap simpleness of this apartment because of that
The bright side is that i'm not really in a hurry. My suicide isnt entirely motivated by pain of any kind. Physical pain bothers me the most but surely there's people having a harder time than me out there. Emotionally? Uh... I'm careless enough to say that it would be overly emotional to claim I'm dead inside
Either way... In these last few years I felt like i'm slowly climbing down the inhibitions about things. Maybe with some more time i'll figure something out in one way or another, i'm considering building a structure in my room, maybe using the wardrobe's weight, I don't know.
It sucks that i'm getting some light panic attacks recently. With me it's never been too bad, but it's really annoying because I don't know if I'm just being a wuss or having a stroke (For some reason, that's how it is to me, some weird headaches followed by one-sides numbness). Doesnt help that i'm an alcooholist and a smoker even though my body looks like it's brand new even for docs. Guess that's not how i'm taking my leave. Still funny how the thought haunts me.
Anyway, guess i'll be spamming around for a while in here. I don't really have anything else to do. So i'll also use this vent to wish good vibes to everyone and encourage everyone to try their best in life before considering ctb. That's something I can say i have done, hence why i feel somewhat peaceful with the entire thing.
Cheers and a good week for whoever reading this
