Venting I don't know what to do with my life

[akiyama346]

ill try to keep it brief because there's a lot to say but basically here is the overview of my life
>mom and dad in loveless arranged marriage with 25 year age gap, fought all the time
>poor grades in school
>come from poor family
>developed chronic skin condition at 13, still have it today at 19: cant learn a trade or enlist
>interrogated and harassed by the FBI at 15 for falling into jihadist stuff. but nothing came of that thankfully but i still have paranoia
>failed out of college due to mental health issues
>stuck in shitty 2 bed parents house packed with 6 people
so basically i have no options in life. killing myself unironically seems rational. ive felt suicidal for over 5 years now, i think anybody would feel that way in my shoes. It's not emotional, this just seems to be a dead end.
what do i do? I genuinely don't know. Tell me anything. I can't share my life with other people, my friends and family can't fucking help me. I'm a shame on my family.
Just tell me anything honestly. I don't know what the point of this post is, but I literally can't tell anybody else about my life or else I'll be a pariah
Any response is appreciated

 

[whywere]

Everybody not only has a place in this world BUT talent.

Before you write me off, please let me explain myself, thank you.

Now this is just my thoughts, and I am trying my hardest to help and a million minds make a whole so hopefully others will chime in/help also.

Now there are book smarts and there are GOD given smarts (where someone is good at something). It can take time and effort to find out what clicks with a person, the good old trial and error aspect. BUT, after all the decades that I have seen life and life experiences, I firmly believe that everyone is talented.

So, I would try various positions that might interest you and go from there on that.

Another thing that strikes me very hard is the fact of living with your parents and so many other folks in such a cramped space, not good. I would get a position and also see if one could find some roommates and get out and on your own, spread your wings. I will take myself as an example. The day after I turned 18 my "parents" kicked me out, they never wanted me and when i turned an adult, out I went. I have an older brother who stuck around and rode my dad's coattails. Now 50 years later I have not only done better than him, I also have had so many more life experiences.

A couple of other items: Please do NOT be so darn hard on yourself, as you ARE an intelligent and caring person. Believe in yourself, I 100% believe in YOU and that your future is going to go well.

Also, listen to yourself and your heart and mind and drown out all the static and noise, (what other people say about you and what you should be doing). Forget them and concentrate on yourself, they are lead weights.

To be a little blunt, nothing is ever easy, or sometimes nice, BUT in the long run the feeling of knowing that you have made it on your own terms and can look and say, "yep, this is me now", is EXTREMELY worth it. I know, as a few years ago, I took stock in myself and I was happy compered to others, who way back when, never thought that I could do anything.

I proved them wrong and so will YOU!!!!!!

Lots of hugs, caring thoughts and you ARE a WINNER PERIOD.

Walter