Venting I don’t know if I want to die or just stop existing

[Bruja]

When I was leaving work yesterday, a coworker asked if I'm okay and I just fell apart and told him my whole story. He listened to everything I had to say and told me how I'm beautiful and things will get better. I just feel terrible 99.9% of the time and I can't see myself waiting around for things to maybe get better.

I've buried both my parents, which has been tragic in its own way. But the worst thing I've ever gone through was losing my daughter. It's been almost 6 months since I lost her and the pain is still so unbearable. My husband has one foot out the door and keeps bringing up divorce. I have no family, no where to go, and I miss my daughter more than anything.

My coworkers told me that I'm too young to do "anything stupid or impulsive." I just want everything to stop. I'm done with trying. I don't look at how I'm feeling as wanting to die, but instead wanting to stop existing. I guess you could argue they're the same thing, but in a weird way it doesn't feel the same to me.

Am I even making any sense or am I just a hot mess?

 

[Roberto]

Hola Bruja,
When I got separated from my wife, I wished I had the medication to cope with it. It did hurt so much. Are you getting therapy? It's obvious that it would help you better than without therapy.
I'm sorry about your daughter's. I can just give a long, eternal hug until you find a relief.
Stop existing is a process without fear of pain, thinking about how, etc. I believe.
Lots of love to you.

 

[anuglymale]

What's the difference between wanting to die and wanting to stop existing?

 

[jules18]

Wishing to die has to with escaping pain or misery of one sort or another. But to stop existing is not possible.

The human soul is immutable and indestructible. I think that people who think they will simply cease existing with suicide are deeply misguided. There is no such thing as nothingness, since each human consciousness is God-given/God-like. We were born into this world so that we may pass into the afterlife. Death will likely just feel like sleeping, and then you will wake up. If you study astrology you will realize that most if not all things are determined at birth, including your gifts in the afterlife. We never really had much choice in shaping our lives, since your personal characteristics were determined by the position of the planets and you birth time/location. An in depth astrological and astro-cartography chart determines virtually everything about your life.

I believe that karma is relegated to the earthly realm and is resolved before you depart for the afterlife. Without going into details relating to specific religion(s), this is my belief based on having had several psychotic episodes where I communicated with higher forces. I actually think psychosis and schizophrenia are benevolent, but that is a topic for a different thread.