Venting i cant enjoy anything for years

[spanishguy22]

I'm in the deepest level of depression an human being can experience.
I have nothing that gives me an sort of joy. I lost everything as my depression progressed over the years.
Videogames were my passion and they have been nothing to me for so long now.
I hate movies, series, sports, or anything, because there's ZERO enjoyment I can get out of anything.
I spend my time lying in bed with a roman history podcast wishing i was born there or watching random crap in YT which is not enough to put me off the thoughts but can distract me a bit. Everything else takes too much effort. (like fun things should take effort... wtf is even this life?)
A lot of depressed peeople here in a fucking suicide forum talk about hwo they have hobbies and enjoy certain things. I don't even have that. How am I not gonna kill myself, if I'm a shell of a human being, in constant pain and regret?
I've been so extremely unlucky with everything. I want to order SN right now and eat 30g, but I can't take the risks of failing. So I need to wait months to earn money for better methods.
But the pain and regret is getting harder and harder.

sorry for contributing to fillup forums with vent but it really helps i guess.

 

[Xaphous]

I feel quite the same my friend, YouTube has always been my go to for distracting myself, slight entertainment as it is but it wears very thin after years of that. I've lost nearly all my 20s now doing the bare minimum to scrape by, and not even working (unable to find work). It's been like ground hog day, almost everyday the same as the previous. I've never known how to break the cycle and none of my family has had any advice, they have their own lives and we almost never talk anyway. My mother just kept insisting I take anti depressants like they would magically change my life and circumstances but I know they are toxic and won't change a thing. I have no idea how I'm supposed to go into the future with no positive memorable past behind me if I don't ctb. People must think I am just lazy from the outside looking in, but I am exhausted and constantly lethargic. It's a feeling of entrapment that I can't seem to break out of.

Do you have the energy to try something new and out of your comfort zone? It could help. For me I don't think I have the mental resources anymore.

 

[Broken]

I feel quite the same my friend, YouTube has always been my go to for distracting myself, slight entertainment as it is but it wears very thin after years of that. I've lost nearly all my 20s now doing the bare minimum to scrape by, and not even working (unable to find work). It's been like ground hog day, almost everyday the same as the previous. I've never known how to break the cycle and none of my family has had any advice, they have their own lives and we almost never talk anyway. My mother just kept insisting I take anti depressants like they would magically change my life and circumstances but I know they are toxic and won't change a thing. I have no idea how I'm supposed to go into the future with no positive memorable past behind me if I don't ctb. People must think I am just lazy from the outside looking in, but I am exhausted and constantly lethargic. It's a feeling of entrapment that I can't seem to break out of.

Do you have the energy to try something new and out of your comfort zone? It could help. For me I don't think I have the mental resources anymore.

People do judge you wrongly as lazy etc... When you feel stuck and you don't no how to get out of the hole your in non depressed people just can't understand why!

 

[deflagrat]

I have been like that too. Medication helped, and with time things get a little bit better. I think about killing myself too, but the fear of failing gets in the way. If I keep on like this, I won't kill myself until I am way older. At least I don't think about killing myself right away, I am thinking about waiting a few more years at the very least. It's going to be boring, but I could potentially enjoy it to a certain degree.

I basically told myself "if I lose my quality of life I will kill myself". I just don't want to lose my privileges (parent's money and disability benefits).

 

[spanishguy22]

I feel quite the same my friend, YouTube has always been my go to for distracting myself, slight entertainment as it is but it wears very thin after years of that. I've lost nearly all my 20s now doing the bare minimum to scrape by, and not even working (unable to find work). It's been like ground hog day, almost everyday the same as the previous. I've never known how to break the cycle and none of my family has had any advice, they have their own lives and we almost never talk anyway. My mother just kept insisting I take anti depressants like they would magically change my life and circumstances but I know they are toxic and won't change a thing. I have no idea how I'm supposed to go into the future with no positive memorable past behind me if I don't ctb. People must think I am just lazy from the outside looking in, but I am exhausted and constantly lethargic. It's a feeling of entrapment that I can't seem to break out of.

Do you have the energy to try something new and out of your comfort zone? It could help. For me I don't think I have the mental resources anymore.

Yeah I really don't want to reach that point man, well I already am there but Im relatively young at 22 and its been 3 years of hell and knowing this is an incurable mental illness there's no way I want to live a mediocre sad life while other assholes get to enjoy it fully, and look down on the depressed. I can't stand being of lower value but mostly just this pain and apathy. It's just too much.
I kind of wanted to move to a big city where I would make depressed friends like me and gf, but whats the point if im never gonna feel like I felt. I lost everything that made life worth living. Thanks for listening and sry youre in this situation too mate.

 

[Xaphous]

Yeah I really don't want to reach that point man, well I already am there but Im relatively young at 22 and its been 3 years of hell and knowing this is an incurable mental illness there's no way I want to live a mediocre sad life while other assholes get to enjoy it fully, and look down on the depressed. I can't stand being of lower value but mostly just this pain and apathy. It's just too much.
I kind of wanted to move to a big city where I would make depressed friends like me and gf, but whats the point if im never gonna feel like I felt. I lost everything that made life worth living. Thanks for listening and sry youre in this situation too mate.

I was at that place at 22 and not in any much better position now at 29. The years pass quick so hope you find some positive change soon. Trying new things and stepping out of my comfort zone is something I didn't do enough of but I know it sucks when you feel you don't even know how to.

 

[spanishguy22]

I was at that place at 22 and not in any much better position now at 29. The years pass quick so hope you find some positive change soon. Trying new things and stepping out of my comfort zone is something I didn't do enough of but I know it sucks when you feel you don't even know how to.

Yeah. I may know how to. After all I was social, just unlucky enough to not relate to nobody in my development years. I just don't feel like it. Sorry I sound like a broken record lol thanks for the wishes bro best of luck.

 

[JadedGray]

I'm in the deepest level of depression an human being can experience.
I have nothing that gives me an sort of joy. I lost everything as my depression progressed over the years.
Videogames were my passion and they have been nothing to me for so long now.
I hate movies, series, sports, or anything, because there's ZERO enjoyment I can get out of anything.
I spend my time lying in bed with a roman history podcast wishing i was born there or watching random crap in YT which is not enough to put me off the thoughts but can distract me a bit. Everything else takes too much effort. (like fun things should take effort... wtf is even this life?)
A lot of depressed peeople here in a fucking suicide forum talk about hwo they have hobbies and enjoy certain things. I don't even have that. How am I not gonna kill myself, if I'm a shell of a human being, in constant pain and regret?
I've been so extremely unlucky with everything. I want to order SN right now and eat 30g, but I can't take the risks of failing. So I need to wait months to earn money for better methods.
But the pain and regret is getting harder and harder.

sorry for contributing to fillup forums with vent but it really helps i guess.

I feel quite the same my friend, YouTube has always been my go to for distracting myself, slight entertainment as it is but it wears very thin after years of that. I've lost nearly all my 20s now doing the bare minimum to scrape by, and not even working (unable to find work). It's been like ground hog day, almost everyday the same as the previous. I've never known how to break the cycle and none of my family has had any advice, they have their own lives and we almost never talk anyway. My mother just kept insisting I take anti depressants like they would magically change my life and circumstances but I know they are toxic and won't change a thing. I have no idea how I'm supposed to go into the future with no positive memorable past behind me if I don't ctb. People must think I am just lazy from the outside looking in, but I am exhausted and constantly lethargic. It's a feeling of entrapment that I can't seem to break out of.

Do you have the energy to try something new and out of your comfort zone? It could help. For me I don't think I have the mental resources anymore.

These both are completely relatable. I feel like I'm stuck in limbo. Everyday exactly like the last with no end in sight. At this point I couldn't break this cycle if I wanted to. I just look to distract myself with endless amounts of movies and music even though I don't get much enjoyment from them anymore, especially since they are no longer just a hobby to pass a couple of hours, but now what my meaningless life revolves around. Distractions aren't enough of an escape anymore.