I have a very smart friend. Pretty privileged. He might be one of the smartest friends I have. He isn't that empathetic though. I dislike to talk with him about my mental health. I don't think he is arrogant about his intelligence but he has this habit to share his opinion on quite everything. And always thinking he was right. He helped me through some college courses but he wasn't the one who spends much time on the courses and I always had the better marks.
The advices he gives are sometimes pretty ignorant. Recently, this annoys me a lot but I don't want to be a bitch. I just talk less with him instead of starting a fight.
He is psychologizing and pathologizing me on all issues I have.
His financial advices were pretty stupid in my situation. The situtation is very complex though. I explained him everything in detail and there comes a point where he says okay I see that's an issue, but it is too complex to dive into that, but he still holds his initial strong opinion.
Now, to my arguments with my therapist and in my self-help group. He rightfully points I out. I am catastrophizing social interactions, I do a lot of mind reading, and these things harm me emotionally more than it is objectively necessary. But he is not nuanced at all. He says like I see these psychological patterns, its all in your head. Your arguments don't interest me especially when they are pretty hard to understand. The thing is you need to learn a lot of facts to understand my fears and assumptions. On a psychological way he is right with these tendencies in my thinking. But you have to look at a case and you need to take my considerations seriously.
So he just doubted that the chemistry master is actually manipulating me. And it is easy to say its all in your head when someone has clear mental issues. But my actual good friends listen to me. They listen to the whole story and try to understand. It is not only about empathy its about the truth. I give an example I told one of my closest friends there is such a toxic atmosphere in my self-help group and this chemistry master student is gaslighting me about it. They had their doubts about it. But they know my paranoia and because they listen to me. They knew there might be some truth in what I said. So one of my closest friends accompanied me to the group and he completely agreed that the atmosphere is toxic, weird and that they are lying about it.
The thing is my friend who I describe is in a suble way gaslighting me too. But he doesn't notice it. You have these tendencies so everything you say is skewed and cannot be trusted. And its a waste of time to listen to everything. The usual behavior is: I share a story with him, he tells me his strong opinion. I tell him he doesn't know all the details and that this take is not considering all the evidence. And his conclusion is I don't really care that much and don't want to dive into it.
The same goes for my conflict with my therapist. He doesn't know shit whether negative entries in my medical records can have a big impact or not. He rightfully sees I am very impacted mentally by it. Probably too much. But its enough for him to dismiss my anxieties.
Even though, I laid out my case I won't start an argument. This is one part of his personality and I have to accept that. He has other traits I like about him. And I think it is good when someone has the courage to disagree with my opinion. But I am increasingly annoyed that he isn't listening to the whole story. But still shares his opinion. I won't start a big war about it. He should not be surprised though if I am not texting him as frequently as in the past. I also don't even want to show how much his behavior annoys me. Because he won't change it anyway. It is better to talk with him about other topics when I am again in a mood for that.
I think AI gave me a good advice: I have to stop seeking validation from him. If I stop doing that, his behavior has no more impact on me. My thoughts and feelings are valid, even though he disagrees with it. In my current mind I have to convince him from my standpoint to gain support from him. But if I say I don't care about that, (he has no time/energy to dive into it and I accept that) this behavior is not harming me anymore. And less contact for a while won't destroy a friendship.
The advices he gives are sometimes pretty ignorant. Recently, this annoys me a lot but I don't want to be a bitch. I just talk less with him instead of starting a fight.
He is psychologizing and pathologizing me on all issues I have.
His financial advices were pretty stupid in my situation. The situtation is very complex though. I explained him everything in detail and there comes a point where he says okay I see that's an issue, but it is too complex to dive into that, but he still holds his initial strong opinion.
Now, to my arguments with my therapist and in my self-help group. He rightfully points I out. I am catastrophizing social interactions, I do a lot of mind reading, and these things harm me emotionally more than it is objectively necessary. But he is not nuanced at all. He says like I see these psychological patterns, its all in your head. Your arguments don't interest me especially when they are pretty hard to understand. The thing is you need to learn a lot of facts to understand my fears and assumptions. On a psychological way he is right with these tendencies in my thinking. But you have to look at a case and you need to take my considerations seriously.
So he just doubted that the chemistry master is actually manipulating me. And it is easy to say its all in your head when someone has clear mental issues. But my actual good friends listen to me. They listen to the whole story and try to understand. It is not only about empathy its about the truth. I give an example I told one of my closest friends there is such a toxic atmosphere in my self-help group and this chemistry master student is gaslighting me about it. They had their doubts about it. But they know my paranoia and because they listen to me. They knew there might be some truth in what I said. So one of my closest friends accompanied me to the group and he completely agreed that the atmosphere is toxic, weird and that they are lying about it.
The thing is my friend who I describe is in a suble way gaslighting me too. But he doesn't notice it. You have these tendencies so everything you say is skewed and cannot be trusted. And its a waste of time to listen to everything. The usual behavior is: I share a story with him, he tells me his strong opinion. I tell him he doesn't know all the details and that this take is not considering all the evidence. And his conclusion is I don't really care that much and don't want to dive into it.
The same goes for my conflict with my therapist. He doesn't know shit whether negative entries in my medical records can have a big impact or not. He rightfully sees I am very impacted mentally by it. Probably too much. But its enough for him to dismiss my anxieties.
Even though, I laid out my case I won't start an argument. This is one part of his personality and I have to accept that. He has other traits I like about him. And I think it is good when someone has the courage to disagree with my opinion. But I am increasingly annoyed that he isn't listening to the whole story. But still shares his opinion. I won't start a big war about it. He should not be surprised though if I am not texting him as frequently as in the past. I also don't even want to show how much his behavior annoys me. Because he won't change it anyway. It is better to talk with him about other topics when I am again in a mood for that.
I think AI gave me a good advice: I have to stop seeking validation from him. If I stop doing that, his behavior has no more impact on me. My thoughts and feelings are valid, even though he disagrees with it. In my current mind I have to convince him from my standpoint to gain support from him. But if I say I don't care about that, (he has no time/energy to dive into it and I accept that) this behavior is not harming me anymore. And less contact for a while won't destroy a friendship.
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