Venting Hypochondria / health anxiety

[ham and potatoes]

hello everyone
so, for as long as i can remember, ive always been convincing myself i have some awful, incurable disease.
I know, it seems super counter productive to be worrying about your health on a suicide forum, but like, honestly, suicide seems like the best option at times
i cant go on living my whole life, with every ache i get convinced its a tumor, or some awful infection or virus thats going to slowly and painfully kill me.
ive been on paxil and xanex for years, but here within the last year, its kinda quit working, and im just kinda looking to vent a little

do any of you guys suffer from simialr things, or am i just nuts?

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

hello everyone
so, for as long as i can remember, ive always been convincing myself i have some awful, incurable disease.
I know, it seems super counter productive to be worrying about your health on a suicide forum, but like, honestly, suicide seems like the best option at times
i cant go on living my whole life, with every ache i get convinced its a tumor, or some awful infection or virus thats going to slowly and painfully kill me.
ive been on paxil and xanex for years, but here within the last year, its kinda quit working, and im just kinda looking to vent a little

do any of you guys suffer from simialr things, or am i just nuts?

YES I have this same issue and my meds don't work anymore either. Plus I'm 55, so it's just a matter of time before I have a real health issue. I've had health anxiety my entire life. When I was younger, I would worry about dying young. Now I'm semi old and scared to death of what's to come. It is fueling my depression and desire to kill myself. It seems like an oxymoron but I fear the dying process of some horrible disease not death itself.

 

[-Link-]

I don't know if I'd label myself as full-blown hypochondriac, but I definitely overthink (a lot) for minor symptoms. And if I don't catch myself early in the worrying process, even a single thought can turn into like half a day's worth of panicky-type researching into health conditions I don't even have.

Catastrophizing with the "what-if's" -- I think this falls within an OCD/GAD thing, at least for me.

 

[ham and potatoes]

I fear the dying process of some horrible disease not death itself.

Yup, this is me. I dont fear death, I fear dying, and what my death will do to those close to me.

I think this falls within an OCD/GAD thing, at least for me.

Yeah, I was diagnosed years ago with GAD, but honestly, I think i may have OCD as well, as it is quite an obsession at times

 

[sancta-simplicitas]

Definitely. For me I think it's largely an effect of not feeling safe. I've never been taught that there's help to recieve (I have been taught the opposite several times though) and getting really ill would put me in a state of severe helplessness which is a terrifying thought.

During the years, I have noticed something that eases it a little though. When I've had an actual illness that potentially could be serious (covid, jaundice from a lodged gallstone, spread dental infections) I have stopped worrying. I've never actually been scared when I have been sick, just when I really can't tell if I will. It's sort of the same with my emetophobia; if I feel nauseous I panic because I don't know whether not I will vomit or not. If I vomit, it stops bothering me. The worst has happened. So I like to think that if I'm actually really sick, I won't be anxious at all. It sort of takes the anxiety away. Not all the time, but it has helped.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds dreadful and tiring to me, it truly is such a cruel existence where there's all this suffering. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[ham and potatoes]

That sounds dreadful and tiring to me

It's awful and exhausting....
I'm just so mentally exhausted after years and years of this

 

[Arachno]

I suspect that I'm a hypochondriac, I've been having a lot of health anxiety. I especially keep worrying about getting a diseases that would need a surgery. I already have OCD, which seems to be often linked to hypochondria. My scoliosis and bad experiences with doctors might have also had some influence in this. Plus it doesn't help that I have a fear of hospitals, doctors and medical procedures, which is an absolutely awful combo with hypochondriac thoughts, it's terrible.