How to keep going when you know you can never live the life you want

[Nofuture1234]

I'm having significant trouble motivating myself to do literally anything but drink, get high and sleep because I know I will never have a romantic relationship or sex without paying for it. I so get angry and sad at seeing or hearing about what I'm missing out on that I don't even want to make friends or socialize at all anymore. I don't really even care about other people anymore.
I don't want to hear any platitudes or false hope, I only want to hear from people who never got what they wanted and preferably older.
How do you keep going when there's no point? How do you deal with the jealousy and sadness and anger? Why did you keep going when you knew it wouldn't get better?
Does it ever get easier as you age or does it always sting?
Is it better to just CTB? That's what I'm starting to think unless I suddenly acquire a large amount of money.

 

[Andrews]

I think it gets easier as you age, meaning your views change.
For example I used to grief when seeing people in their 20-30s in relationships. Now I see girls that age as undesirable. (some are good looking, but the age gap is around 10-15, so their looks don't help)

Even if I would have found a good match in my 20s, it would have been over by now, since I never saw myself married. So it would have been just another memory by now. It would be nothing physical left, just thoughts. Like the jobs that I had in the past, which I've quit and hardly remember a scene or two sometimes.

That's how I see things that didn't happen the way I wanted.
You'll be a different person in some years and not want or care about what you need now.


And btw maybe it sounds silly, but a good way to get what you want, is not wanting it too much. Take a break, do something new, your attitude will change, then when you'll feel the need for a relationship you'll have more willpower, inspiration, optimism, etc.
Wanting too much, anger or jealousy are a big waste of energy. Proper acting, in order to get what you want, also requires energy, so have it ready for when it's time to act.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I only have made it this far because of laziness and distractions so I don't know why you'd want to hear from me but here goes:

Maybe you've already watched porn to cope with the lack of sex but have you tried playing porn games? I'm not talking about simply watching the cutscenes of them, I mean in particular the ones with more drawn out narratives and grindy gameplay. They can sometimes make for a deceptive substitute for the effort required to put into a relationship more than regular porn would and if the story and characters are good enough it's possible to immerse yourself enough to make it a lengthy distraction and boom soon instead of being a 26 year old who's never been in a relationship you'll one day be a 30 year old in the same situation and then a 40 year old, a 59 year old, and so on.

Like I said though, that advice is probably not actually that helpful since porn addiction is a thing that ruins people's lives more or so I hear. For something that actually could help I'm currently watching a stream vod from Dr. K, a guy who claims he's a therapist and his gimmick is mostly about helping lonely dudes like us. I go back and forth between hatewatching him just to argue against it and suddenly being bombarded with emotions that subtly make me at least want to try to change my life.



Now because this is a stream replay, there's a lot of fat to cut through. It doesn't even start talking about what he intended to talk about until 13:50. Now I haven't finished the whole thing yet but some of the stuff he mentioned at the beginning actually made some sense to me for once or maybe it was late at night and I was delusional. Watching this guy's videos hasn't actually helped me either but at least sometimes when I watch a video of his that's relevant to me it can make me feel like I'm at least pretending to do something about it…

 

[Nofuture1234]

I think it gets easier as you age, meaning your views change.
For example I used to grief when seeing people in their 20-30s in relationships. Now I see girls that age as undesirable. (some are good looking, but the age gap is around 10-15, so their looks don't help)

Even if I would have found a good match in my 20s, it would have been over by now, since I never saw myself married. So it would have been just another memory by now. It would be nothing physical left, just thoughts. Like the jobs that I had in the past, which I've quit and hardly remember a scene or two sometimes.

That's how I see things that didn't happen the way I wanted.
You'll be a different person in some years and not want or care about what you need now.


And btw maybe it sounds silly, but a good way to get what you want, is not wanting it too much. Take a break, do something new, your attitude will change, then when you'll feel the need for a relationship you'll have more willpower, inspiration, optimism, etc.
Wanting too much, anger or jealousy are a big waste of energy. Proper acting, in order to get what you want, also requires energy, so have it ready for when it's time to act.

My views aren't ever going to change. My attitude won't either, unless my situation changes, but I know it won't. Unless i hit a growth spurt in my 30s and my face completely re-arranges itself into something better looking. I may be a different person when I'm older but I'm always going to want relationships and sex because humans are hard-wired to crave them, and experience sadness and pain when they can't have them. I can't take a break from wanting them. Anger, jealousy, and sadness are the only logical emotions for me to feel.
I don't experience joy from anything sober anymore. This need not being met for so long basically killed every other part of me and my old "personality". I don't relate to most other people and their values, dont share many interests with most people and I know nothing I do or say will result in a relationship so I don't have any desire to socialize anymore. There's just no point.

I only have made it this far because of laziness and distractions so I don't know why you'd want to hear from me but here goes:

Maybe you've already watched porn to cope with the lack of sex but have you tried playing porn games? I'm not talking about simply watching the cutscenes of them, I mean in particular the ones with more drawn out narratives and grindy gameplay. They can sometimes make for a deceptive substitute for the effort required to put into a relationship more than regular porn would and if the story and characters are good enough it's possible to immerse yourself enough to make it a lengthy distraction and boom soon instead of being a 26 year old who's never been in a relationship you'll one day be a 30 year old in the same situation and then a 40 year old, a 59 year old, and so on.

Like I said though, that advice is probably not actually that helpful since porn addiction is a thing that ruins people's lives more or so I hear. For something that actually could help I'm currently watching a stream vod from Dr. K, a guy who claims he's a therapist and his gimmick is mostly about helping lonely dudes like us. I go back and forth between hatewatching him just to argue against it and suddenly being bombarded with emotions that subtly make me at least want to try to change my life.



Now because this is a stream replay, there's a lot of fat to cut through. It doesn't even start talking about what he intended to talk about until 13:50. Now I haven't finished the whole thing yet but some of the stuff he mentioned at the beginning actually made some sense to me for once or maybe it was late at night and I was delusional. Watching this guy's videos hasn't actually helped me either but at least sometimes when I watch a video of his that's relevant to me it can make me feel like I'm at least pretending to do something about it…

Thank you for the suggestion but I don't really like porn anymore, or "taking care of myself". Makes me feel even more dead inside after now.
I've listened to a few of this Dr.K guy's videos at the recommendation of a shrink and his stuff really isnt for me, I get what you mean though about it feeling productive to listen to. I listen to and read a lot of stuff like this too. But his perspective on modern dating culture comes off as pretty quaint to me. If his advice worked for anybody it's because they were already attractive enough to get a girl in the first place and were just too shy or spent too much time playing video games. I know that's not me, my problem is being short, ugly, and autistic. Dr.K seems to me like his job is to get ugly autists to believe the modern dating culture is totally normal and our problems aren't our looks but just not believing on ourselves enough. I don't believe any of these types really care if men are lonely, or ever find a date, they're far more concerned with preventing lonely men from adopting the "wrong" opinions or worldview.

Sorry if my replies seem bitter, I do appreciate the suggestions and they might do someone else well even if they're not for me. I could also just be too far gone.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Thank you for the suggestion but I don't really like porn anymore, or "taking care of myself". Makes me feel even more dead inside after now.
I've listened to a few of this Dr.K guy's videos at the recommendation of a shrink and his stuff really isnt for me, I get what you mean though about it feeling productive to listen to. I listen to and read a lot of stuff like this too. But his perspective on modern dating culture comes off as pretty quaint to me. If his advice worked for anybody it's because they were already attractive enough to get a girl in the first place and were just too shy or spent too much time playing video games. I know that's not me, my problem is being short, ugly, and autistic. Dr.K seems to me like his job is to get ugly autists to believe the modern dating culture is totally normal and our problems aren't our looks but just not believing on ourselves enough. I don't believe any of these types really care if men are lonely, or ever find a date, they're far more concerned with preventing lonely men from adopting the "wrong" opinions or worldview.

Sorry if my replies seem bitter, I do appreciate the suggestions and they might do someone else well even if they're not for me. I could also just be too far gone.

No you're absolutely right that some of Dr. K's videos do give off a kind of standoffish aura sometimes. I sometimes feel like his ultimate goal is based on some undiagnosed savior complex he has and he believes he can achieve that by curing many incels. Maybe I'm just projecting a little even if I do still find some of his videos comforting to argue against. Don't worry about seeming too bitter, I would think at least some of us can find it totally understandable.

 

[Andrews]

My views aren't ever going to change. My attitude won't either, unless my situation changes, but I know it won't. Unless i hit a growth spurt in my 30s and my face completely re-arranges itself into something better looking.

Have you considered plastic surgery? If it's the nose, that can be easily corrected, it's the most common plastic surgery nowadays. The chin can be augmented, the hair can be transplanted from somewhere else... I'm sure you know those things.
Look for some courses in the IT field. Those jobs pay better. In 2-3 years you'll have the money.

You can also post on realself. It's a platform dedicated to aesthetics and it's free. You can also add pictures. Doctors come and comment about how they'd help.
Maybe you'll have a better idea about treatments and costs.

 

[Katdogg]

Acceptance. Come to terms that you will never have that which you desire most. Let that hope die so you won't torture yourself endlessly.

Denial. Delude yourself. Lie to yourself until you believe it. Numb yourself with drugs and alcohol to allow yourself some pleasure in your existence. Revel in it and don't allow your brain to shame you.

Don't compare yourself to the outside world of happy couples ( you may be wrong) . Divorce, People killing their spouses and lovers ... I think its a pretty high statistic.

On the positive side of things if you are looking for hope. Go where there are groups of drunk and high people... that is your tribe...those are your people. You might get laid that way .

Good luck to you internet stranger

 

[Nofuture1234]

No you're absolutely right that some of Dr. K's videos do give off a kind of standoffish aura sometimes. I sometimes feel like his ultimate goal is based on some undiagnosed savior complex he has and he believes he can achieve that by curing many incels. Maybe I'm just projecting a little even if I do still find some of his videos comforting to argue against. Don't worry about seeming too bitter, I would think at least some of us can find it totally understandable.

I don't think you're projecting at all about his savior complex haha, honestly I don't trust any of these anti-whatever-pill guys, their whole job is basically to gaslight ugly men into believing dating, gender roles and society in general haven't changed a bit since 1980 or whenever they happened to grow up.
Although I honestly don't know what the solution to the male loneliness thing going on would even be, social media is here to stay now and the damage is done.

Have you considered plastic surgery? If it's the nose, that can be easily corrected, it's the most common plastic surgery nowadays. The chin can be augmented, the hair can be transplanted from somewhere else... I'm sure you know those things.
Look for some courses in the IT field. Those jobs pay better. In 2-3 years you'll have the money.

You can also post on realself. It's a platform dedicated to aesthetics and it's free. You can also add pictures. Doctors come and comment about how they'd help.
Maybe you'll have a better idea about treatments and costs.

Yes, but my height is honestly the biggest problem to the point I don't think my face being better would make much of a difference. I'm also too scared of something going wrong with the surgery and making it worse.
What's irritating is I'm not even THAT short, but thanks to social media/pop culture brainwashing and exacerbating their already ingrained instincts for large, dominant partners, now it's not enough to be taller than her, you have to be taller than the other men she sees in real life and on social media. I really don't think I'd even be here if I had been born a decade or so earlier.

 

[Nofuture1234]

Acceptance. Come to terms that you will never have that which you desire most. Let that hope die so you won't torture yourself endlessly.

Denial. Delude yourself. Lie to yourself until you believe it. Numb yourself with drugs and alcohol to allow yourself some pleasure in your existence. Revel in it and don't allow your brain to shame you.

Don't compare yourself to the outside world of happy couples ( you may be wrong) . Divorce, People killing their spouses and lovers ... I think its a pretty high statistic.

On the positive side of things if you are looking for hope. Go where there are groups of drunk and high people... that is your tribe...those are your people. You might get laid that way .

Good luck to you internet stranger

Letting the hope die is the most difficult part for me. I wish I had just never been sold the lie of everyone eventually finding love. I can't blame my parents much though since the fatnasy probably seemed much more plausible back then, especially before we had technology and the internet to document what people are truly attracted to down to the tiniest detail.
I'm already doing the drugs and alcohol thing on my own, but I don't see it ever getting me laid. Now even if both the man and women are consensually drunk (and had both been independently of each other the whole night) and hook up at a party or club or whatever, the man (only) is responsible and AN EVIL SCUMBAG MONSTER, exactly as heinous as Bill Cosby. If she decides ahe regrets it when your not as handsome as she remembered it, or 20 years later once she finds The Lord, then your entire life and reputation are permanently ruined.
Totally unrelated but why aren't men approaching women as much anymore? Probably video games.

 

[Andrews]

Yes, but my height is honestly the biggest problem to the point I don't think my face being better would make much of a difference. I'm also too scared of something going wrong with the surgery and making it worse.
What's irritating is I'm not even THAT short, but thanks to social media/pop culture brainwashing and exacerbating their already ingrained instincts for large, dominant partners, now it's not enough to be taller than her, you have to be taller than the other men she sees in real life and on social media. I really don't think I'd even be here if I had been born a decade or so earlier.

I had the height issue when I was young. It resolved with higher heel shoes and eventually didn't care anymore. Other than this... it's limb lengthening surgery. It can add an inch or two but it looks kinda awkward imo.

 

[Nofuture1234]

I had the height issue when I was young. It resolved with higher heel shoes and eventually didn't care anymore. Other than this... it's limb lengthening surgery. It can add an inch or two but it looks kinda awkward imo.

An inch or two wouldn't be enough and the surgery is expensive and excruciating. I think i just need to accept no woman will ever actually love me and just use hookers, or CTB. Not sure which yet, sucks cause I know logically i shouldn't even care what they think of me at all but biology forces me to crave affection and touch from people incapable of ever really loving or caring about me.
Every time I finally feel like I'm bitter enough to not want it anymore instinct kicks in and makes me sad again. Even if I chemically castrated myself I'd still want a relationship and to not feel lonely.
It honestly feels like there's just so little to life and other people. Nothing's interesting and everything becomes tainted by knowing I'm seen as inferior and permanently locked out of the best parts of life due to my genetics alone.