how to get over guilt of wanting to die?

[bakednborderline]

how do you get over the guilt of wanting to die? especially when you and your loved ones have already lost someone to ctb? i lost my best friend& ex bf, he ctb in 2017 and i wound up developing ptsd from the incident. i was and still am extremely affected by his decision. my family was close to him as well. every time i have these sui thoughts i always think about him and how his death affected us all. and i feel really guilty. i don't know how to deal with that guilt. i dont want to make people feel how i did when he left. but i dont want to feel guilty about making an exit decision.

 

[wanttogetonthebus]

Sometimes, we just have to take care of ourselves before taking care of others. CTB is usually done when we need to take care of ourselves, but the world or others can't take care of us in the way that we need to be well.!One thing that you could do is to make sure you take care of your loved ones and have as many positive experiences with them as possible while you're still alive. That way, you will have gotten to have those experiences and they will have known you cared about them. After CTB, you could leave money, possessions, and a note to them explaining your decision and that you care about them. In addition, after CTB, you won't be able to feel guilt or anything at all. If that idea scares you at all, you might want to reconsider CTB or wait until you're ready.

 

[CFLoser]

You gotta accept that your CTB is going to severely inconvenience people.

 

[PDAnnie2610]

how do you get over the guilt of wanting to die? especially when you and your loved ones have already lost someone to ctb? i lost my best friend& ex bf, he ctb in 2017 and i wound up developing ptsd from the incident. i was and still am extremely affected by his decision. my family was close to him as well. every time i have these sui thoughts i always think about him and how his death affected us all. and i feel really guilty. i don't know how to deal with that guilt. i dont want to make people feel how i did when he left. but i dont want to feel guilty about making an exit decision.

I'm pro-choice, just to clarify and I'm not here to encourage you to choose death over life. If you feel that you have tried everything and yet can't continue living, then.. it is as it is.. most of us wrestle with guilt over leaving our loved ones behind, but if we have truly tried our best, then it's best to leave without any regrets.

If you feel that there's something holding you back, it's worthwhile to consider living and trying your best. It might come to be something good for you.

Sending you hugs and lots of friendship love.

 

[Ta555]

I haven't been in the position you're in and I'm sorry for your loss but I am wondering the same thing. Not only guilt about wanting to CTB but guilt about just....not being a relationships person, like not wanting to be close to people a lot of the time. I'm happy with myself and my imagination. I feel the people close to me really want to be closer to me, wish I wasn't so stand offish but I just want to...idk..run away from everything and just live alone near some woods with a dog and a cat. Idk why but just typing this out is making me tear up. I find it hard to get close to people and I feel guilty about it.

P.S. unfortunately I can't run away. I'm an adult with too many responsibilities.

 

[FuneralCry]

The way I see it, we have no obligations to stay alive as we did not ask to exist. We all have the right to exit at a time of our own choosing. It is a personal decision. I'm sorry you are in this situation. Even know those who have gone from this world are at peace and are free from suffering, I can imagine it must be painful to lose someone. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.