How significantly do your circumstances affect your will to live?

[dontsaveher]

Just curious to see the verdict on how many of us are affected by our former/current situations and experiences in life.

Personally, I feel as though I've had no control over my life mostly due to losing the genetic lottery which has affected both my mental and physical health and my appearance, not to mention being unintelligent, hating my personality and just hating myself as a whole. Unfortunately, I have nothing going for me in this life and it feels like the universe is playing a cruel joke on me and pushing me to the edge until I have no choice but to jump.

I'd like to think that if I had the chance to switch lives with someone that has everything that I wish I had then I wouldn't feel this way, but at the same time I'm not sure that it would change how I inherently feel, which is that I was never supposed to exist, not to mention my feelings towards the current state of the world, the mundanity of life and my cynical view of life in general.

 

[CaptainSunshine!]

My circumstances are average. Family issues, but these are common. It's hard for me to imagine a willing outlook on life from my current standing. The joys I receive from activities are mild and temporary, so negativity outweighs the reasons to live. True friends could possibly help.
My problem with life is its futility. Everything pleasant is temporary and negativity outweighs them. Why bother?

 

[_Gollum_]

Don't want to exist at all regardless of circumstances. I have a perpetual discomfort within me due to the mere fact that I exist, and I can't remember what it's like not to have this "itch" underneath my skin, which persists even during my better moods. I don't "want" anything beyond basic biological drives anymore (ex. food). My story has ended and it's time to put down the pen.

 

[dontsaveher]

My circumstances are average. Family issues, but these are common. It's hard for me to imagine a willing outlook on life from my current standing. The joys I receive from activities are mild and temporary, so negativity outweighs the reasons to live. True friends could possibly help.
My problem with life is its futility. Everything pleasant is temporary and negativity outweighs them. Why bother?

I feel you, people say that you need to find your own purpose in this life and cherish the fleeting moments of joy which just seems like a big cope, and while I do agree that having people that make life worth living may help, there's also too much unpredictability, inequity and effort needed to live that makes the sweet relief of death the most appealing and sensible option.

Don't want to exist at all regardless of circumstances. I have a perpetual discomfort within me due to the mere fact that I exist, and I can't remember what it's like not to have this "itch" underneath my skin, which persists even during my better moods. I don't "want" anything beyond basic biological drives anymore (ex. food). My story has ended and it's time to put down the pen.

This is so relatable, I've felt the same way for the majority of my life. I genuinely feel like an alien that has been trying to understand why humans have such a strong desire to live. I feel as though some people were placed on this earth to take their own lives. I just don't understand anything about this world.

 

[woodlandcreature]

circumstances are shit (not the worst, but shit), but even the little or necessary parts of living are too much for me to manage. it's pathetic but i'd much rather not have to do anything at all, but i don't want to leech off of others (that's not sustainable even if i did but i really really do not). i don't believe anything could change this. some things might be able to help but not change how i feel. i wasn't meant to be born anyways. i'd much rather not exist.

 

[kitkat9234]

If I was better off financially it would solve most of my problems or make them more tolerable. But wouldn't help the damnage that psych meds have caused. Or change the mistakes I've made so who knows.

 

[dontsaveher]

circumstances are shit (not the worst, but shit), but even the little or necessary parts of living are too much for me to manage. it's pathetic but i'd much rather not have to do anything at all, but i don't want to leech off of others (that's not sustainable even if i did but i really really do not). i don't believe anything could change this. some things might be able to help but not change how i feel. i wasn't meant to be born anyways. i'd much rather not exist.

I know what you mean, it's absolutely absurd that we were brought into this world without our consent and are expected to mindlessly work and complete mundane tasks until we die. I understand that this is just how the world works but it doesn't make it any less insane. I also despise people that argue saying "everyone is here for a reason/everything happens for a reason" - they don't realise how delusional and insensitive it sounds, like yeah I'm sure there's a perfectly good explanation for all this unnecessary cruelty and suffering.

If I was better off financially it would solve most of my problems or make them more tolerable. But wouldn't help the damnage that psych meds have caused. Or change the mistakes I've made so who knows.

It would definitely help to not have to worry about the financial aspect of life, and I'm sorry to hear that, I've never heard of psych meds having permanent side effects, were you prescribed the wrong ones or something?
I also struggle with ruminating on every single choice and action I've made, it feels like I always very carefully make the wrong decision in life, at least once I ctb I won't ever have to worry about fucking anything up again.

 

[PI3.14]

Very significantly.

I think of circumstances as anything other than mental disorders or illnesses.

If I had better circumstances, I won't be here at all.

 

[kunikuzushi]

Even if my circumstances were perfect, I wouldn't want to exist. I want to die because suffering will come to everyone one day. And it can be unexpected and unbearable. Also the fact that everything ends makes everything meaningless, so existing in general just feels like torture.