How much do you care about secrecy?

[noname223]

In summer I dated a woman that was really weird. Especially about secrecy. I suspect she has autism I have not other explanation for that.
She was so overly paranoid about her personal information of her. After a few months I asked her about her last name and it was too personal for her. She tried to hide so much. I was not allowed to show photos of her to friends.

And tbh I don't care about such secrecy. The thing is she told she told me it is important to her not to share these things when i already did it months ago. I was really scared about my birth day party where she would meet my friends. But she rejected me soon before that day. Lol. Maybe it was for the better. She was so fucking weird. Even normal day to day things were secrets to here. I might have autism too and I could relate partly. I was similar as young teenager. But I changed foundamentally.

I also hid everything till I collapsed mentally with 18. I needed to talk about it because the pain was so overwhelming hiding was no option anymore. In clinics and therapy I opened up more and more. I learned how to open up. Also in front of strangers.

There is a quote I like from David Foster Wallace: "You will become way less concerned with what other people think of you when you realize how seldom they do."

I might have become an emotional exhibitionist. I can be very open about my feelings. For example in my self-help group and the woman I date told me she was very impressed by that. I think my autism has made me very rational and analytic also on explaining my emotions. Emotions and feelings are nothing to be ashamed of. However, I have red lines my absolutely pathetic love life and sexuality. I don't want to make other people uncomfortable. I think something that protects me is my eloquence. I might feel superior because my intelligence/wisdom proves me that feelings are mundane and nothing to be ashamed of. And everyone who looks down at me for it is stupid. Lol. It might make me a little bit arrgoant. But it is really a good defense mechanism.


With my closest friends I am very serious about keeping secrets. But in general I am rather a gossip girl. (I am a guy a gossip guy actually). I think most people overthink it too much. We are not that interesting. Most things we are ashamed of is not interesting to others. Humans are way too self-centered. I once opened up in another anonymous mental health forum and a received condescending comment when I wrote deep personal thoughts. They felt like it was too personal and intimate to share. Bro we are on the fucking internet. You cannot see my face we are complete strangers. Who gives a shit? Noone on SaSu ever gave me comments like that.

I think my closest friends keep my secrets. And I keep theirs. But more lose friends I talk about them in detail to my closest friends. I sometimes I gossip. Even quite frequently. I am a loyal person but when people piss me off and we still interact with each other I need to get that off my chest. And keeping quiet is not good for my well-being. Talking or venting helps me even on SaSu.

What is your policy on that? I think some might be shocked about my attitude.

 

[derpyderpins]

I'm not telling

 

[SVEN]

I'd say I go for privacy rather than secrecy. I don't find me interesting, so I don't expect others to find me interesting. Also, being a bit paranoid, I tend to panic if people ask me (probably innocent) personal questions.

 

[Tortured_empath]

I'm not sure. Maybe it's cause I still manage to hold up a guise

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I think that I uphold secrecy as much as that girl that you describe did. I tend to hide a lot of personal things about me even if it's normal for everybody else to share. I'm less secretive on here than irl obviously since I can talk about suicide here but, even then, I'm still hiding a lot of things about myself

 

[theolivanderroach]

I relate to that girl a lot. If I'm anonymous, like here, I'm more open. But even then, I'm still scared of sharing some things that most people wouldn't mind sharing publicly at all. Even with close friends and family, I hide a lot. And I'm not on any social media at all for privacy too. People don't need to be knowing what I look like or what my name is, let alone details about my everyday life like what kind of food I'm eating or places I go to. I figured this kind of secrecy has more to do with the kind of environment I grew up in but I could also be autistic.

 

[Pluto]

 

[ms_beaverhousen]

Secrets are vital to any healthy relationship.

 

[Electra]

I think when someone confides in you, they give you an enormous amount of trust which I value so much. I guess that already concludes my answer about secrecy.